Thursday, March 08, 2007

Metstradamus' Deep Thoughts

Was anyone as disturbed as I was when they read the article on ESPN's website when David Wells let loose the secret that Greg Maddux enjoys sidling up to rookies in the shower and urinating on their leg?

I got to thinking: When, exactly, did this become an acceptable part of society? When it happened in a major league clubhouse? I mean, a future hall of famer does it and it's okay? Greg Maddux pees on another human being and he didn't get beaten to within an inch of his life? How does this happen? Was it because David Wells approves?

Think about the coverage that a human being peeing on another human being would get if instead of a major league clubhouse, it happened on the subway, or at a flea market, or during a session of congress. CNN, FOX News, even MSNBC would be all over this story every hour on the hour. It would be a veritable "Pee-Gate".

Now think of the type of coverage it would get if it happened in the Mets locker room.

No no, stay with me here.

If Greg Maddux is going around urinating on other human beings and David Wells is admiring it, it tells me that this has happened before in a major league clubhouse. That tells me that it will happen again. So what if, say, a "Mets veteran" was to selectively position himself next to a Mets rookie in the shower (yeah that sounds bad), and let’s fly with some “salt water”?

Now let’s say that this rookie were to react to that the way most people would react to that (I hope), and beat this Mets veteran to a bloody pulp, and this Mets veteran was say…out for the season? Of course the beating is going to make the papers. But who’s going to admit that the reason that this rookie went medieval on the veteran was that he got peed on? What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room, right? How freakin' silly is that going to sound? Who brags about something like this besides David Wells?

And how, exactly, does Willie Randolph handle something like this?

Now let me ask another question: What if instead of this happening to a rookie, what if it happened to Lastings Milledge?

We, as Mets fans, went around and around when Lastings Milledge's clothes were stolen from his locker (and now we know how mild that is comparatively). Think about how this would sound to a Mets fan reading the newspaper: Lastings Milledge, who was seen as cocky and arrogant during his rookie year, beats the crap out of a veteran in the shower. How many of us would just assume that Milledge was in the wrong, or just simply "flipped out"? Heck, if David Wright can get bashed by a small group of Mets fans for saying that he would love to have Alex Rodriguez on the team, think of the beating that Milledge would take in the papers for putting a teammate in the hospital?

Now, let’s say about six days after the beating that Peter Gammons breaks into SportsCenter with a special report (because who else would have a mole in a major league shower than Peter Gammons…really, that guy is amazing) that Lastings Milledge went ballistic because he was peed on? Now how many of us would think Milledge was wrong?

Hopefully nobody, but I would guess probably a few too many. I can only imagine what the comment boards would look like…
"Milledge should have thought of the team."

"Yeah, but the veteran should have thought of the team too. If he had only peed on Moises Alou's hands, he would have broken out of his slump and the Mets could get out of third place."
You talk about media controversies, this would be one that would make Bobby Bonilla look like a media darling.

Well I for one am glad, for now, that the largest ethical dilemma that we as Mets fans have to deal with is whether to root for Aaron Sele to do well his next time out during the spring, or whether to root for Aaron Sele to bomb so that Phil Humber has a greater chance to make the rotation.

I’m also glad that Greg Maddux pitches far, FAR away from New York.

9 comments:

Mike said...

Makes you long for those days when bleach-tossing was the extent of vile liquid abuse.

The reason you never heard about this last year, by the way, is simple: Trachs was the designated pisser, and his combination of inaccuracy and slowness-on-the-draw allowed 'Stings to escape from the shower without harm.

Unser said...

Actually, this type of thing DOES happen on the subway . . .

Anonymous said...

Imagine if this happened in an American-run POW camp in Iraq...

metsgrrl said...

boys.
are.
icky.

Anonymous said...

this happens all over baseball and all over EVERY other sport. youre in the shower and pee is sterile. big deal. it's just a goof and if you cant handle it then you probably can handle playing in front of 40K fans either.

i bet thats not the worst/grossest thing that goes on either. in fact i know it's not.

Anonymous said...

"youre [sic] in the shower and pee is sterile" ... are you for real?

Go wash your hands, and tell me you don't work in a kitchen!

And there are no POW camps in Iraq ... it's not a war, remember?

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Anonymous said...

The master of disaster would never pee on Metstradamus...even in the locker room on an Iraqui subway...

Anonymous said...

I will say I work for the city of new york and I have seen it happen before with no reprecussion. Most of us felt that it if happened to us it would turn violent but I guess it always depends on who you do it to. I would say you wouldnt do it to Kevin Mitchell.

KingmanFan said...

My college dorm had three showerheads in one big shower room. This was a source of great hilarity. Now, I never did it to anyone, and as far as I know no one ever did it to me, but it was still really really funny.

You put a bunch of guys in an environment without women to civilize us, this kind of thing happens.