Avoiding The Noids

They say it was leprechauns that inhabited the old Boston Garden helping the Celtics...who rarely needed any major help from outside forces to win championships...in ways that may not have been noticeable with the naked eye. A dead spot here, a broken air conditioner there...those pesky leprechauns were always available when the Celtics needed them most.

But a funny thing happened. The leprechauns were evicted from their homes as the Gah-den was emptied in 1995 and finally demolished in 1997. It would have been easy to surmise that they just moved to the new Fleet Center in the fall of '95. But when you look at the fortunes that have befallen the Celtics (and for that matter the Bruins) since they stopped playing games there, you have to wonder if leprechauns would be caught dead in a place sponsored by a bank...where pots of gold are regularly converted into money market CD's and t-bills.

I've always suspected an outside force at work helping the Braves master the Mets at Turner Field over the last ten years. Hey, could have been the leprechauns. Why not? They leave the Boston Garden in the summer of '95, then see the Braves win a championship and decide that this is a place they can get behind...then move into the new digs in 1997.

But nah, can't be the leprechauns. They oversaw sixteen world championships for the Celtics. You wouldn't think they would go to Atlanta just to torture one team, would you? These leprechauns are professionals, they wouldn't waste their time with that sort of nonsense.

No, the damage done to the Mets at Jane Fonda Field was no doubt the work of amateurs. Dick and Muttley perhaps. Harry and Marv from "Home Alone". The guys from "Celtic Pride". The Noid. Successful enough to be called villains, evil enough to torture one particular set of dumbstruck villains, but never pulling off the big score. Unfortunately, the Mets played the role of dumbstruck victims to these bumbling criminals all these years...until now.

Today's victory brought the Mets to 4-1 at Fonda Field this season, and pushed the Braves...they of the 78 straight division titles...to the brink of the abyss for 2006, and there's no banner for that. And to think that all it took was a halfway decent roster, a manager without a penchant for screwing things up or making dopey moves like playing the infield in while down by seven runs, and a general manager with autonomy (not to mention half a brain) to take down this rogues gallery of criminals.

All it took was Carlos Beltran to chase down the Noid and beat him senseless over the head once or twice or thirty seven times until he's bloody (or is that tomato sauce)...Endy Chavez to knock Harry and Marv with his paint cans...Orlando Hernandez to let the pigeon loose with only three unearned runs given up and his first two major league RBI's at the age of 67 (seriously, is this the oldest a player ever got his first RBI?) How about The Undertaker: Paul Lo Duca swatting away villains with his mighty bat...continuing to disprove the theory that he's a second half disaster with four more hits today?

Oh the Noid got in his shot today as a Tim Hudson pitch caught Carlos Delgado just wrong...and how desperate these so-called "Ghosts of Turner Field" must be to resort to sending a player off due to injury to make its point. But look what followed: a stolen base by pinch runner Julio Franco (pinch runner Julio Franco) which sent a message that any noids or cartoon villains have to try a little harder to get their co-tenants back into the wild card race against 2006's version of the Superfriends.

All that's left to do now is to get their first Fonda Field sweep, and their first sweep in Atlanta (of three or more games) since 1985...and yes, that sweep contained the Rick Camp game on July 4th. Perhaps a Tom Glavine home run is in the offing on Sunday to complete the circle of life and drive away noids forever and ever. But who needs a gimmick like a home run hitting pitcher for that? All that's really needed is a pretty good team.