Petey's Cheese Creamed In Philly

These are the times that try men's souls.-Thomas Paine

That was a quote from a man who's remains may or may not be scattered across America and England.

There's no telling what will happen to Pedro Martinez's remains, but various limbs and muscles may be scattered all over America by the time this season is over...well before the ultimate demise of Martinez.

In fact, PETA is already protesting the rumor that Pedro's suddenly tight calf is going to be turned into veal and sold on eBay.

It's not enough that the Mets are looking to plug the hole in the outfield (I don't know if Lastings Milledge is too green, but he is obviously seeing green monsters floating around in his sleep and following him to right field in Philadelphia) and now all of a sudden they have to deal with this. A tight calf in itself doesn't sound like much (especially with a gazillion game lead), but for someone like me who has trouble dealing with prosperity (who says I'm an enigma?), and I'm sure there's a bunch more in my boat (don't tip the boat over), these are indeed the times that try Met souls.

Bench Marks The Spot

For a while there today, it looked like the highlight of today's Mets game was going to be the in-game entertainment, as during the Nationals brand new "Presidents Race" (a D.C. style sausage race) featuring George Washington and Big Stick Roosevelt in between innings, Mr. Met crashed the race and would have won had it not been for the interference of the Nationals mascot, Screech. (Would that make Mr. Met Al Gore while Screech played the part of the Florida ballot boxes?)

Well Mr. Met couldn't pass Abe Lincoln, but the Mets wound up passing the closest thing they'll have to a playoff test the rest of the year as they beat the Washington Nationals 3-1 at RFK today. And no, I'm not insinuating for a nanosecond that the Washington Nationals are a playoff calibre team...what with Brian Schneider attempting to throw out David Wright stealing with a throw that went to Halifax, the concurrent grounder that rolled up Marlon Anderson's arm, and Austin Kearns' throw from right field that ended up in Towson, that much should be obvious.

But with the game tied at 1-1, and Blueback Bradford facing Alfonso Soriano with the bases loaded and two outs, I'd say that constituted a pretty good idea of what to expect when October baseball rolls around. Bradford got Soriano on a high chopper to end the inning (yeah, Soriano probably would have been safe had he ran hard from the box but I guess that's another reason why Soriano's Nats aren't going to sniff the playoffs this year...and also let me add that second base is allegedly Jose Valentin's worst position, yet his play on the Soriano chopper looked like he has been playing the position for ten years), and the test was passed.

The Mets' reward for a passed exam? Michael Tucker (who looks eerily like Lou Myers from "A Different World") comes up with his first home run in a Mets uniform to give them the lead for good. And think of how ironic it is that Michael Tucker comes off the Mets bench to give them the victory, and it was a part of the Mets' spectacular 2005 bench that helped turn the momentum away from his Nationals and towards his former employer.

Give some credit to Steve Trachsel...not so much for only giving up one run in 6 and 2/3's, but for the relative expeditiousness included in Trachsel's repertoire (two long words in one mouthful wins me today's Scrabble award!) I thought I was safe being in transit during the start of today's game. How much could I miss anyway...it's Steve Trachsel for crying out loud. I'll miss a half an inning at most.

Imagine my surprise as the Mets were in the bottom of the third inning at 1:40 PM. I thought the game started at noon or something.

And along with Bradford, let's also thank Cousin Oliver for bringing some versatility to the table...from mop-up man, to long man, to seventh inning guy, to eighth inning guy all in the span of a few months. And all this from a guy nobody in the baseball watching community expected squat from this season...certainly not me.

And to end things, let me tell you that as a former softball first baseman, catching pop-ups from sun to shade is harder than it looks. Good job, Mr. Delgado.

Joker...Joker...Triple...Triple

I'll take geography for $150, Jack.

True or false: Maine is a northern state.

The answer is of course, true. But tonight, the Bangor Maine scoreless streak is south of the Donna Dixon line.

No matter, because between two third inning triples, a key seventh inning rally, and most importantly some strong relief from Aaron Heilman and Billy Wagner, the Mets defeated the Nationals 6-4 tonight at what sounded like Shea south tonight.

The win makes Mets a very respectable 7-4 since trading Xavier Nady, so there seems to be no need for another outfielder. But there are options out there. And for those scared that one Mr. Lastings Milledge isn't ready, and terrified that Michael Tucker and Ricky Ledee are going to wind up playing meaningful innings in October, I give you this: Not only has Geoff Jenkins been benched by the Brewers for the rest of the season, but a certain World Series hero's son has been designated for assignment.

Not that I necessarily endorse bringing in either of these high strikeout guys, but Jenkins is probably one of the streakiest hitters out there. And if the Mets can catch one of those good streaks, Jenkins might be a cheap way to make the Mets' lineup super scary again (and if it does work out this season, you could always trade him again in the offseason, right? Buy low, sell high? Greed is good?)

And Preston Wilson? I'm a sucker for anyone related to Mookie.

Hey, I'm just putting it out there.

Throwbacks For Everyone (Special Padding Not Included)

So you may think it was Negro League night in Washington, as the Mets wore New York Cubans uniforms tonight. But the Metstradamus crack staff has been working overtime this week...they've unearthed an archival picture that proves that tonight was actually the Nationals' tribute to Julio Franco, as these were not only throwback uniforms, but they were uniforms that Franco actually wore! (check the player on the bottom row, all the way to the right):

And Willie Randolph was nice enough to give Franco the start tonight, although that probably has more to do with the presence on the mound of part time Oakland Raider fan, full time lefthander Billy Traber. Of course Traber, along with one time prospect and full time patient Alex Escobar, were on the field for the Nats/Grays tonight...throwing us all back to the trade for one time hall of fame prospect and full time dog Robby Alomar.

It might have been the first trade in the history of trades that helped out nobody...except that tonight, it helped out a team that not only wasn't even involved in the original trade, but wasn't even in existence at the time of the original trade. Figures with the collection of misfits involved in that curs-ed deal that it could only help a third party...but Traber did indeed help out the Nats by pitching seven strong innings while only giving up one run. And even Escobar stole a base without his knee exploding...good for him. Of course that bit of news coincides with news that not only is the current Mets center fielder is playing with a sore knee, but the current "best prospect in the system" Mike Pelfrey was put on the DL as a precaution. There's some news that'll throw you back, eh? Symmetry stinks.

So with the score 2-1 in the ninth and Chad Cordero on the mound, the Mets needed someone to stop this throwback madness. Please, throw us back to the present day before we're thrown back into the dark days of 2003...or 1993...or 1983...or 1963 for heaven's sake.

Carlos Beltran and his sore knee were on first after being hit with a pitch (no doubt suffering a new nagging injury...joy), and with the Mets needing a hero, David Wright popped up to first base for the first out.

A Mike Cubbage throwback.

Then, Carlos Delgado pinch hit for the original New York Cuban, to hopefully take advantage of Chad Cordero's propensity for the longball.

Fly out to center. A Doug Mientkiewicz throwback.

After Jose Valentin walked, could it be? Could Michael Tucker deliver a base hit to tie the game...or better?

Nope. Instead, Michael Tucker throws us back to...well, himself.

Throwbacks are fun once in a while. But I kind of like the present myself. Reminders of years past are not only emotionally painful, but being thrown back too abruptly can cause pulled muscles if done without the proper perspective. Consult your doctor before starting a new throwback regimen.

Clearance Rack Items...And The People Who Love Them

Here's a story I held back from you from last night.

I abhor crowded trains. And with a crowd of 49,000 plus last night, the seven train was bound to be crowded, tepid, and odorous. Not for me. Some people leave early to beat the crowd...screw that, I let the crowd beat me.

So I took a jaunt to the clubhouse shop to do what I usually do...look around the shop for items that other people would like, and wind up buying something for myself. And now that I've invested ten minutes wandering around the concourse finding the entrance to this shop...relatively new at Shea, plus five minutes waiting to get into the place to prevent throngs of people in the same place, I had to get something.

So where did I look? The clearance rack, of course...it's where I bought my Edgardo Alfonzo jersey. Can lightning strike again? I saw some Xavier Nady t-shirts for the low low price of $8.40 and thought "well I didn't really like this trade so...score!" As I was looking for other things to buy I kind of felt like a dope walking around with this "NADY 22" shirt when a young couple saw my future purchase...and their eyes lit up.

"Hey! Where'd you get the Nady shirt?"

"Clearance rack (punctuated with a point to my right)."

"Yes! WHOO-HOO!"

And as they darted to the clearance rack, hands above their heads with extended index fingers and pinkies like they were at Ozzfest '06, I felt a little better...and a little more scared at the same time.

You know who else likes Xavier Nady tee shirts on the clearance rack? Endy Chavez.

He's had a great season, but with Nady gone and Cliff Floyd back on the disabled list, Endy is receiving a ton more playing time. While that may be scary, but Endy has done well so far...heck, after last night's game he was announced over the P.A. system as the player of the game.

Player of the game? Who knew?

Well, nobody knew. That game is going down in history as the Piazza return (with two home runs, maybe even more so than the night before). Not only did he hit home runs, but he threw out Chavez stealing second. How embarrassing.

But let the record show that Endy Chavez was the player of the game.

Chavez, no doubt razzed by teammates and perhaps fined in kangaroo court (does kangaroo court even exist anymore in clubhouses? If not, it should, but that's another blog) he attempted and succeeded in stealing two bags off of the not-so-throwing-arm-challenged Josh Bard. He also got two hits while playing center field in an outfield which he was flanked by, speaking of clearance items, Ricky Ledee and Michael Tucker.

Benny Agbayani, Jay Payton, and Bubba Trammell laugh at these guys.

But Chavez, so far, isn't wilting at the pressure of an expanded role. As long as that happens, then his shirts will remain at full price.

You could, however, probably get a spiffy Nats model at clearance rack prices in D.C., where Chavez will no doubt get a tribute video and fifteen standing ovations this coming weekend just as Piazza did at Shea. I also expect a tear or two from the Nationals faithful as Chavez enters the batters box against the team he spent nine memorable at-bats with in 2005.

Conditional Love

Sorry, Mike.

You're family and all. But you were pushing it.

And really, you should be proud of yourself. After all, you avoided a chorus of boos longer than anyone thought you would.

See, even though it was day two of your return, there were still many of us who didn't get to say thanks last night who were present tonight...me included. So there we were, greeted by your merchandise being front and center at the train stop (I myself dusted off my old PIAZZA 31 with the still unitentified mustard type stains for tonight's very special occasion). And we cheered for you.

You went deep off Pedro to close your deficit to 4-1. We cheered...wildly. And despite how we feel about Pedro (you know how we feel about Pedro), we gave you a curtain call even though you wear sand. That's no small feat for a visitor to get a curtain call, but you're not really a visitor.

Then you went deep again. Now I know you heard some cat calls after that one...the one that made it 4-2...but they were scattered and good natured. I for one, barely heard them. At least where I was, we cheered again. Chanted your name, even. You could have taken a second curtain call and nobody would have been worse off for it.

But you were pushing it.

You were pushing it to the point that when it got to the eighth inning, and you were in the position to really hurt us with two men on and a two run deficit, you put us in the position to have to make a decision. We wanted to keep our shove in check, but your two home runs brought push to it. So in the eighth inning, we shoved.

"Now batting...the catcher...Mike Piazza."

(awkward pause...)

"BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Our love has conditions.

It's nice when family comes back to visit. But you got too comfortable. You wanted it to be like home again...hitting two homers and coming about five feet from a third home run. But you don't live here anymore. We didn't want to have to remind you, but you left us no choice.

One day, you'll be able to come back and be as comfortable as you wish...and we can all look back and laugh about this. But right now, we can't just stand by and watch you go all 2000 on us. (And as it turned out, you went 2000 on us anyway...you hit one that everyone thought was out but fell into the center fielder's glove. That sure as hell reminded me of 2000. Thanks for the memories.) So we had to boo.

But we did take great care to cheer for you again after the out (unlike 2000).

Hope you understand.

***

Tonight was DHL lanyard night. It was a yellow lanyard, generally worn around one's neck, with the MLB logo all over it attached to a plastic sleeve that is usually used to hold a media or employee credential.

I have to say it's the lamest giveaway I've ever been a part of. And here's why: Every time I saw someone wearing a bright yellow laniard with a plastic sleeve attached (because what pocket is that thing going to fit in...you almost have to wear it), I think he or she is a Shea Stadium employee.

What if I had to ask someone where guest relations was?

I would have ran around asking 49,000 people how to get to guest relations before I found a real employee!

If this had been a real emergency, there would have been mass chaos! I don't think you would want that on your conscience. Can I get an amen from the bobbleheads on that?

***

Speaking of the fan experience, a fan got a $60 gift certificate to a steakhouse because he was able to come up with the movie where the following quote came from:

"May the force be with you."

And it was a multiple choice question!

Can he at least earn it, please?

(If it was me, I probably would have gotten "Name That Shakespeare Sonnet" or something similarly difficult and useless for the chance to win a pocket schedule.)

You couldn't have offered up a bigger meatball if Shingo Takatsu came in to pitch.

***

And the Kiss Cam must die.

A man and woman got booed...mightily...for giving each other a cheek to cheek kiss after they were caught on "kiss cam". For those of you who booed, let me as you a simple question:

What if they were actually brother and sister?

Would you have wanted to see incest on the Diamond Vision?

???

Oh you're all sick!