Sunday, January 07, 2007

A Welcome, And A Welcome Back

Welcome to New York, David Newhan.

Being someone who has never played in New York City before, let me be among the first to welcome you. And feel free to peruse the following Do's and Dont's list put together especially for you.

Well actually, it was originally put together for Barry Zito. But if you bake a cake for someone who doesn't show up, why let the cake go to waste, right? So David, enjoy. And don't say I didn't try to help:

DO: Feel free to enjoy the vast nightlife in New York City.
DON'T: Go bar hopping with Paris, Britney and Lindsay.
DO: Buy yourself an ambiance CD do drown out the hustle and the bustle of the city if it's too loud.
DON'T: Put earplugs in your ears to drown out the boos of the crowd if they're too loud.
DO: Feel free to appear on the radio or television show if you are asked to provide some in-depth analysis on the New York Mets.
DON'T: Appear in a "Don't Snitch" video with Carmelo Anthony.
DO: Enjoy the diverse assortment of food that you can find in restaurants that span the many cultures of New York.
DON'T: Travel to one of these restaurants in a taxi at 2AM.
DO: Swing on 3-0 counts.
DON'T: Break your hand punching a wall if that 3-0 pitch his popped up with the tying run on third base.
DO: Enjoy fireworks night.
DON'T: Be an active participant near a group of young fans.
DO: Bleach your whites.
DON'T: Bleach reporters.
DO: Buy a nice house in Connecticut and commute.
DON'T: Share a taxi with Tom Glavine.
DO: Steal our hearts.
DON'T: Steal Moises Alou's identity.
DO: Take some important at-bats from Julio Franco.
DON'T: Take some important egg whites from Julio Franco.


And I would be insensitive if I didn't provide a hearty "Welcome Back To The Majors" hello to Roger Cedeno, who was officially signed by the Orioles this weekend after a one season layoff from the major leagues. It reminds me of the Keith Hernandez quote that was brought to my attention by the incomparable Matt Cerrone:

"He plays center like he's being chased by a bee."
Proving that Keith was not hallucinating, here is an exclusive image of Cedeno playing center field in his Mets days:


Anonymous said...

I love the bee picture!

Anonymous said...

Hey, a 33 year-old journeyman coming off a serious injury.

Maybe Omar had a good off-season afterall.

Anonymous said...


beezermess said...

I just want to say this...
Eric Mangini and the New York Jets made New York proud, at least for the Jets fans....they are on the right track and here is hoping that they get another stud playmaker so they can return to the playoffs. They lost to a better team and they should not hang their heads...I hope that they use this loss as motivation for next season...
My Giants on the other hand should be ashamed of themselves. I don't care what the final score says, twice in the last month, Eli Manning leads them to a TD drive that either tied or took the lead and the defense gave it up. I do not blame Eli, Tiki or Plaxico....I blame the entire defense that does not know how to tackle anybody. I also blame Tom Coughlin because ultimately, you are reseponsible for letting a 6-2 team go 2-7 down the makes me sick...
How many days until pitchers and catchers again....? Let's Go Rangers!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh sweet Jesus.
That pic is too damn funny.

Anonymous said...

You have been on literary fire for the last week! Dare I say that you have worked your way through the stunning pain of losing Zito, integrating the loss into the total Met fan experience, and you have emerged strong and victorious. Bravo.The sun is shining on Metstradamus again. At least for the time being :)And that bee picture is just too damned funny, lol!

Anonymous said...


You don't blame Eli, but you blame the defense? The same Eli Manning who, after his excellent opening drive, kept getting handed the ball at the 50 yard line because his defense was forcing the Eagles to go 3 and out on every possession? The same Eli Manning who, after repeatedly getting handed the ball in said fashion, couldn't so much as get into field goal range, immediately forcing his defense back on the field? I know the defense crapped out near the end, but did you watch the whole game?

Anonymous said...

Newhan's a good guy, but he's like the 24th/25th man on your 25 man roster. He's always been pleasant when I chatted with him or asked for an autograph.

Cool blog, btw! I added your link to my site...

Anthony -

Metstradamus said...

Right now, he may not even be that high. Between Easley, Egg Whites (Franco), Ben Johnson, Fluff Castro, and perhaps Lastings Milledge and a third catcher (depending on the time of year), Newhan might not have a spot now. But he will if for no other reason than Julio Franco might disintegrate in the batters box one evening.

Thanks for the link and I have reciprocated. I hope to visit your great ballpark again soon.

Anonymous said...

Now if we can get religious phreak Beltran to renounce his god and convert to another myth, we can have an all-Jewish OF! The Kosher stand in RF near the Dunkin' Donuts is gonna rack up the knishes!