All My Rowdy Friends Collapsed On Monday Night

You're going to tell me now that I'm supposed to be excited that Bobby Parnell had a scoreless inning in his debut?

Well if that's the only choice I have, I guess I'll be on board. Because there's nothing else to be excited about after tonight's 7-2 debacle at the hands of the putrid Washington Nationals. Certainly not Pedro Martinez, who was one out away from getting through his six inning outing with only two runs tacked against him, but instead is continuing his descent into the ordinary. Used to be that Pedro would muddle through a game, but knew when that last batter was coming and would dial it up to finish strong ... especially with runners on base. Tonight, sixth inning ... runners on second and third with Anderson Hernandez at the plate (you know the one who hit under .200 in New Orleans this season), and Petey couldn't put him away. (Gee, an ex-Met killing us? That neeeeever happens!!!)

Certainly not the Mets offense, who somehow turned John Lannan from lamb to lion in just one week. He was a lamb against the Mets last Tuesday, lion tonight as the Mets "resilient" offense could only knock one hit off him tonight.

And definitely not Filthy Sanchez, who came in and only had to get one freakin' out in the seventh after Ricardo Rincon came out of seclusion to get the first two outs in the seventh without incident. Then, in came Filthy to put out the fire once and for all:

Walk, single, home run, scorched earth.

To think the rookies dressed like Michael Phelps yesterday. Dressing like gold medalists seem a little bit out there for this bunch. Investment bankers, I would have believed.

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I loved that Matt Yallof asked Lee Mazzilli during the pre-game if Pedro Martinez has it in him to step up because ... "you've played against him for years." Of course Mazzilli played against Pedro ... in Playstation. Because as you know in the real world, Mazzilli was retired for three years before Petey made his debut in '92.

Oh, Matt must have meant "managed" against him for years. One problem: it was only one year. Pedro pitched with the Red Sox in '04 while Maz was the Orioles manager ... and Petey gave up 22 earned in 24 innings against Baltimore that season.

In actuality, Mazzilli only "bench coached" against him for years ... which is kinda the same as "well, I was in the park and saw him pitch a lot". Yeah, Maz and about 25,000 others. There's some perspective you can't find anywhere else.

P.S. Maz thinks that Pedro needs Shave Zone ... tough guy.

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There's actually a precedent for what happened to Ned Yost yesterday (by the way Ned, thanks for showing up against the Phillies ... proving once and for all that you can't depend on a choke artist to help prevent a choke of your own ... that's like hiring Robby Alomar to be employed by the New York Chamber of Commerce), and you're familiar with it if you're a New York sports fan.

The 1989 New York Rangers were battling for a division title with 15 games to go in the season. Coaching them was Michel "Le Petit Tigre" Bergeron, famous for his hot goalie system and his hot temper. Bergeron's Rangers went 3-10 when, with two games left in the regular season, GM Phil Esposito fired Bergeron and took the coaching reins himself of a team that was headed, albeit while limping, to the playoffs.

The Bergeron/Esposito relationship mirrored the Steve Phillips/Bobby Valentine relationship in certain ways near the end of their two year relationship. Certainly, the relationship between Bergeron and his players kinda looked like the Valentine/Player relationship. I can only assume that things were completely unmanageable between the Brewers clubhouse and Ned Yost if this move was made at this point. Heck, if it was the choking itself, there were plenty of opportune chances to fire Willie Randolph down the stretch last season.

(Editor's note: Esposito did no better than Bergeron, losing the final two regular season games and then getting swept in the first round of the playoffs by the Penguins. So I wouldn't expect this firing to really make a whole lot of difference unless things were really as bad as some think in that Brewer clubhouse. The moral to the story is, don't f***ing get swept by the Phillies and maybe you can keep your job.)

The Cavalry (Or Calvary) Is On The Way

The Mets apparently don't care about crowded houses. They're calling up nine guys for the September stretch drive ... and apparently the surprise is that most teams don't call up nearly that many players when the rosters expand.

My surprise is that the Mets didn't use up all 15 of their extra available spots ... and that they were all relief pitchers. Need 12 outs? Use 12 pitchers. (Just make sure you pick up the 12 pitching arms from the side of the road in November.)

Conventional wisdom would tell you that our extra relievers ... Al Reyes, Bobby Parnell, Carlos Muniz and Ricardo Rincon would get the bulk of the work tomorrow so that our tired and our weary can yearn to breathe free in whatever huddled masses they'd like to join. Brian Stokes, for example, can join the huddled masses of the exhausted, having pitched in five straight games. Luis Ayala can join the huddled masses of those whose groins are tweaked. Aaron Heilman ... I don't even know what masses he's huddling in. I think they're giving him some bad advice.

But against the Milwaukee Brewers, that might not be possible. The good news is that Johan Santana goes for the Mets today, and he's capable of going nine. The bad news is that the Brewers slug .470 against lefties, and have an OPS of .820 (and against Johan and his longball tendencies that's trouble, not to mention Jon Niese makes his first start against these guys Tuesday ... welcome to the show, kid.) But here's the most important thing the Mets need to be mindful of this series: If they're lucky enough to make the playoffs, guess who they will probably get in Round One?

That's right, Milwaukee.

And while it's a relief that the Mets miss CC Sabathia this series, if they lose two of three or worse then they will have done so to a team that didn't have CC at their disposal over the next three games.

Good thing the cavalry is on its way (or is that calvary?) Maybe Labor Day isn't going to be so laborious after all.

Let's Throw Ricardo Rincon Against The Wall And See If He Sticks

Actually, throwing Ricardo Rincon against the wall would be a really, really, bad idea. You see, Rincon is a tad fragile.

"The 37-year-old Rincon spent the early part of last season with the San Francisco Giants' Triple-A affiliate in Fresno, appearing in seven games before he suffered a torn anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee.

The left-handed specialist pitched briefly with the St. Louis Cardinals in 2006 before undergoing surgery to repair a torn labrum and rotator cuff in his left shoulder.

Rincon's most recent full season in the big leagues was 2005, when he appeared in 67 games with the Oakland A's and recorded a 1-1 record and 4.34 earned run average in 67 games."

But in the Mets' philosophy of throwing various items against the wall to see if they stick, the Mets have signed the left handed reliever. With Billy Wagner, Pedro Feliciano, and Scott Schoeneweis lying around, Rincon will probably be shutting down guys in the eighth inning at New Orleans. But you never know. Maybe he'll stick to the wall if you throw him against it ... although gently placing him against the wall might be a better idea.

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Unfortunately for Met fans, the world will have to endure the fresh hell that is LeBron James' new sneaker. With a navy blue color and pinstripes, it's an homage to the New York Yankees. There is hope though, as a yet unidentified NBA star has a sneaker in development which will be a tribute to the New York Mets ... and it'll hit the market at a cheap price.

The problem is that the sneaker falls apart after five and a half months.