$126 Million Buys A Lot Of Crazy Juice

Okay, I know it's all the art of negotiation. And Scott Boras is good at it. But Derek Lowe is now exposed as a special kinda crazy.

It's not so much that he's asking for a seven-year deal worth about $126 million. I personally think that the 35-year-old Lowe has a better chance of flying to Washington in a private jet and asking the government for a bailout, but that's just me.

But the very fact that Scott Boras would verbalize his request as wanting "a Zito-type contract" that kills me. Does Boras really know what ghost he's waking up by even acknowledging that Barry Zito exists? The last thing I would want to do if I'm Boras is get GM's thinking, "Barry Zito ... oh yeah, that's the guy who started last season 0-8 and has gone 21-30 in a supposedly weaker hitting league since signing the contract that Derek Lowe currently wants. Yeah sure! I'll pay that money to a 35-year-old. And while I'm at it, I'll throw myself in front of a truck. My odds of survival will be about the same!"

Let's see: Frankie Rodriguez had 62 rescues last harvest, will be 27 years old next season, yet is currently struggling to get a four year deal. And Derek Lowe wants Zito money for seven seasons? Hey, I want to see Lowe in Queens as much as anybody but if Omar Minaya lays out this money, he's crazier than I thought he was when he gave Julio Franco two years. (This, Omar, is where fiscal responsibility is a good thing.)

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Speaking of Julio Franco and disposable income, I was recently made aware of a list of prices for autographed baseballs. Least expensive signed baseball on the board seems to be the one for former Met Eric Valent, who once hit for the cycle. You can use your disposable income to get a baseball signed by Valent for $49.00.

Not to make Valent feel bad or anything, but here's a partial list of players who you have to shell out more money for to get their signature on a baseball:

• Lastings Milledge: $79.99
• Aaron Heilman: $79.99 ("Aaron Heilman is considered to be an integral piece of the Mets future, whether it be in the bullpen or starting rotation" ... or in Colorado.)
• Jorge Julio: $69.99 (that's a buck per team he's played with)
• Julio Franco: $59.99
• Joe McEwing: $50.00
• Colby Rasmus: $49.99
• Valent: $49.00

You know your major league career has been disrespected when for 99 cents more than the price of a ball signed by you, you can get a ball autographed by a guy who hit .251 at AAA ball last year and to date has never had a major league at-bat. Apparently hitting for the cycle isn't quite worth an extra buck.

In An Alternate Universe

In an alternate universe, if Pedro Martinez was a Yankee, Joe Girardi would be complaining that it's not good baseball etiquette to work so many high counts on his pitcher during spring training ... breaks some sort of unwritten rule or something.

In an alternate universe, the flying bat shard that gave Carlos Delgado four stitches (and the equipment manager some nasty blood stains to practice on) would have been thrown by Roger Clemens, providing the smoking gun that would put him in jail for something once and for all (attempted murder).

In an alternate universe, a Molina brother (or non-brother like Gustavo) could get a green light from first to third without people screaming "Noooooooooooooooo!"

In an alternate universe, Fluff Castro would be durable, and there would be no chance of a Molina surname on the Mets.

In an alternate universe, Brian Stokes would be getting everybody out ... but nobody else in the bullpen could strike out their grandmother. So sometimes, the grass is greener in our own universe (kind of like the green on this blog today ... hey, if the Mets can wear green uniforms and throw off my retinas every March 17th, I figure I can do the same thing.)

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Hey, have you ever had a completely off the chain spring training trip much like the one I had a couple of weeks ago? Better still, have you had a spring training trip that made mine look like a walk around the block? Perhaps you shared a beer with Bruce Berenyi, or you rode the Tower of Terror with Eric Valent in Disneyworld. Maybe when you were a kid Charlie Puleo showed you how to throw a change-up at Al Lang Field, leading you to take up baseball in high school and get lit up for four years (maybe you should have learned a split fingered fastball from Mike Scott instead, eh?)

You get the picture. If you've got a story like that, then Kathy would like to hear from you. E-mail her at chasingmets@verizon.net with your story, which will be included in her next project if it's wild enough. (One caveat: if your story involves Dave Kingman blowing you off for an autograph, don't bother. Dave Kingman has blown off everybody for an autograph. Kathy's looking for happy stories involving autographs, pictures, and perhaps a game of catch with Gary Rajsich.)

Seventh Hell

A little clarity, a little more time to think, and a little bit of alcohol got me thinking about Tuesday night's game. And the one recurring theme in my mind was this: With Geoff Geary on the mound in a tie game, and the heart of your order at the plate, you have to win. You have to find a way to scratch one run home. It's inexcusable for the Mets not to have done that.

So Wednesday night, here we are again. Geoff Geary on the mound, and this time the Mets are down by a run with runners on second and third and nobody out. I stress one more time: You have to beat Geoff Geary.

If this was 2006, Geary is beaten down like a minor leaguer. Earlier this season, Geary was beaten down like a minor leaguer. Now? Well not only do the Mets go down meekly in the home half of the seventh inning, they go down spectacularly...in flames even. They go down with seemingly their last outfielder standing healthy getting shot by a sniper...the hamstring sniper...while beating out a double play to bring home the tying run (which really should have scored with nobody out and Ryan Howard sprawling to smother the Julio Franco grounder with Ruben Gotay already halfway home, but that's another issue altogether).

They say that Endy Chavez's hamstring is "strained". I'd hate to see what an actual tear would have looked like. Would he have been taken off on a wheelchair like Dwyane Wade? And with that, the curse of the Shea outfield continues, with Shawn Green still hurt and Moises Alou taking his sweet time getting back to the lineup (even though at his age, time should be a terrible thing to waste). Don't be surprised if Alou makes a slightly sooner than expected return to the lineup tomorrow (calls to Eric Valent, Gerald Williams, and Brian McRae were not immediately returned).

Of course, the bottom of the seventh is moot without the top of the seventh, and the latest meltdown by Aaron Heilman (which I suspect was a jinx job by Keith Hernandez...first he goes on and on about what a great job Pedro Feliciano had done this season before he gave up the home run to Chase Utley, and tonight he waxes poetic on how much better Aaron Heilman has been lately before he goes ka-boom with a three run explosion in the top of the inning...thanks a lot Keith).

If this game had happened in September, it would have been devastating. Terry Pendelton like, even. That game had Ron Darling's injury (the same Ron Darling who was in Shea Stadium's version of the penalty box announcing the game tonight...was that his Anaheim Duck homage?), this had Endy's injury. That game had Pendleton's blast, this game had Jimmy Rollins' three run HR off Heilman. The only thing that game had that this one didn't, thankfully, was the month of September. But think of the life that the Mets just gave the Phillies tonight...you thought Jimmy Rollins was confident coming into the season? His confidence is sky high right now...do we really want that? And now, if we didn't have enough Cole Hamels Facts, here's another one: The Mets have to beat him on Thursday just to save themselves from a sweep. They can't hit Geoff Geary or Adam Eaton right now (Adam Eaton, for crying out loud...Adam Eaton!!!) We're really expecting them to beat Cole Hamels?

The Mets have deserved the benefit of the doubt all season. And as horiffic as Wednesday's game was, they're still 3 and a half ahead of Atlanta. But the pulse of the team can't be good after their first three game losing streak of the season. And at some point a good team like this has to sit back and ask themselves what they need to do to right the ship. With the schedule in June as brutal as it is (starting with Detroit on Friday and on from there), games like Wednesday's needed to be won.