Frenchy Played Football Y'Know

But when former high school football star Jeff Francoeur bore down on Pudge Rodriguez with the tying run in the seventh inning, what the Mets needed was Bo Jackson.

Instead, they got Blair Thomas.

Frenchy tried to deke to the goal line instead of just putting his head down and running over Pudge, and that was just one of the mistakes that led to the Mets' 5-4 loss against the Astros in Houston.

But if Frenchy was Blair Thomas, then Razor Shines was definitely Rich Kotite. Let's see: Francoeur isn't that fast. Hunter Pence has a good arm, and he's so close to the infield he's inhaling dust. But Razor sends him home from second to be out by ten feet.

Are we just not bothering to scout anymore?

That wasn't even Francoeur's biggest transgression (though he did say his fifteen jukes made him look like a "pansy" after the game.) His strikeout in the first on a pitch in the dirt along with Fernando Tatis' double play immediately afterward allowed Mike Hampton to find himself, leading to Hampton's two run homer against Johan Santana. (And not to mention that Frenchy looking bad on a pitch and 6-4-Tatis hitting into another D.P. is as cliche and contrived as a policeman eating a doughnut. More originality next time, please.)

And speaking of Hampton, is this the way it's going to be the rest of the season ... former Mets taking free punches at their former employer as if they were a dead animal being poked with a stick? Mike Hampton hitting a two run home run? Kaz Matsui with a lifetime average against the Mets of .981? Kaz Matsui???

What's next, someone's going to sign Orlando Hernandez so he can throw a three-hitter against the Mets?

The Phillies bring Kaz Ishii from the bullpen to strike out Jeremy Reed?

And can Snoop hop back from the parallel universe he's in and join us on Earth? "Wha? Francoeur didn't hit Pudge? I thought he hit him."

With a Bloomingdale's bag, maybe.

Science Lab Blows Up

Saturday night's 11-4 loss to Pittsburgh may have signaled the end of a couple of experiments for the Mets.

First to explode: the Kaz Ishii experiment. In a season of good start, bad start, good start for Ishii, tonight was due to be bad start, and it was. But unfortunately, the Mets absolutely needed Ishii to pick to club up after their worst loss of the season on Friday. Instead, he was the ultimate downer. Not only did he put the Mets in a 3-0 hole, including giving up a HR to the immortal Humberto Cota (fast becoming the Pirates version of Pat Burrell) on an 0-2 count, but he committed the cardinal sin of giving up a run immediately after the Mets tied the game in the 6th on Cliff Floyd's solo HR (an inning after Mike Cameron pounded a two run dinger to put the Mets on the board). And it was a run created solely after two men were out. So on a night where the Mets needed Kaz Ishii to step up and help his club, he showed the intestinal fortitude of soggy mashed potatoes.

Next to explode: the Danny Graves experiment. With the game still in reach at 6-3, Danny Graves came in for a struggling Heath Bell. Graves gave up an RBI double to Cota, and a grannie to Jack "95 lbs soaking wet" Wilson to basically end all hopes.

Graves and his tattoos were a cheap option, and it's not like he replaced someone useful. But the Mets had to find out about him, and unfortunately, they'll probably go to him again. Sometimes when you don't particularly care for someone working under you in a real job, you need an excuse to get rid of that person. Sometimes that excuse comes when you stop coddling that person and you let them run with a normal workload...and when said person fails, you have your excuse to get rid of them. With the Mets having a $5 million option on Graves for next season, they can't just use him exclusively in mop-up situations and expect to have a good excuse to decline the option for 2006. They needed to give him a normal workload, and that was tonight. He failed, so that's that. The Mets will probably use him a couple of more times for confirmation, just as they did with Hitaway DeJean in Seattle.

The one thing about the Mets this season is that a struggling player will get enough rope to hang himself. But Willie Randolph and Omar Minaya will have no problem playing executioner and pull the level on that's player's career, even if it is in the middle of the season. I see it happening with Graves at the end of this campaign, and I see it with Ishii much sooner than that. In any event, next time you see either of these experiments in the game, always be sure to wear your protective goggles.