Bad Santa

Dear Santa,

When you drop by the house on December 25th, please drop off a lefthanded ace. Preferably the one from Oakland.

Milk and cookies are on the counter top,

Metstradamus

So December 25th comes and goes, no Santa.

Finally today, at about noon today, I hear a faint noise at the door. Not a knock, more like somebody trying to pick the lock. So I open the door (baseball bat in hand)...and wouldn't you know it, it's Santa Claus!

"Ooh ooh Santa! You're finally here! Where's that pitcher I asked for" I exclaim.

Santa proceeded to kick me square in the nuts.

Then he said that he had to relieve himself. And he did...all over the couch.

I tried to introduce Santa to my cat...and he kicked her.

He slapped my wife.

He broke my phone.

He ate my meat loaf, then threw up on my television.

He threw my Christmas tree out the window.

Then Santa handed me a note...

Metstradamus,

You can't have your pitcher because you've been a bad Mets fan.

-Mr. Scott Boras

With that, Santa let loose a 10 second belch which reeked of bourbon and vomit and he was on his way.

Forget this being a long winter...this has been a courtship that has lasted the better part of two years. And now it's over. Barry Zito is a San Francisco Giant, having received a shocking 7 year, $126 million offer, the largest contract ever for a pitcher. The offseason all of a sudden feels very empty.

Where to begin...perhaps with some frequently asked questions:

Do you blame the Mets for not going to 7 years and 126 million?

No, I can't. But I'll tell you what I do blame them for: All along, it seemed as if the Mets were playing games with these negotiations...going at them half ast as if it the Jim Duquette regime was back. This was the player that the Mets were going to take a stand with. But the Mets misread the market that they tried to set. If the Wilpons had come to 6 seasons and 100 million from the very beginning, maybe the negotiations don't drag out this long while giving the Giants ample time to look under the cushions of every couch in the stadium (including Barry Bonds' private vibrating one) to gather enough money to blow everybody out of the water. Instead the Mets, just as they did with Vladimir Guerrero, tried to get Zito on the cheap. No, Barry Zito isn't anywhere close to Vladimir Guerrero. And no, this wasn't as embarrassing as Guerrero if it's even construed as embarrassing at all. But there were definite similarities in how each situation was handled.

Why would Barry Zito choose a team that, while close to home, is aged and going nowhere fast as long as Barry Bonds is taking up their whole payroll, over a team that is young and has a chance to do great things?

My response to that would be: what choice? The $126 million contract offer from the Giants was $126 million more than what the Mets offered. Where was the offer, exactly? My only question would be this: Did the Prince of Darkness bother to give the Mets even a cursory chance to match the offer? If he did, I'm sure the Mets would have said no. If not, then Darkness probably just assumed that by the Mets' lack of aggression that they weren't going to match it anyway. Or did Zito, upon hearing of the offer from San Francisco, tell his Prince to end the suspense right then and there and sign the deal?

Is this a case where the Mets are reverting back to their cheap ways?

I hope not, and I don't think so. Look, the Wilpons went out and overpaid for Pedro Martinez and Carlos Beltran, and attempted to pony up $38 million just to talk to Gyroball Matsuzaka, so they are willing to spend money. Who the hell thought that a $38 million bid would be second best? It's just a matter of the Wilpons thinking that Gyroball was worth the obscene money and Zito was not. In my humble estimation, that's a miscalculation.

But that's why Omar Minaya runs the Mets and I have a blog.

Did the Mets take a lukewarm approach to Zito because they feel that next season's free agents are a better crop?

That's entirely possible. There's one problem with that: If the Toronto Blue Jays, of all teams, can lock up a player who wanted to escape Toronto badly with a 7-year $126 year contract, then why wouldn't you think that the all of a sudden free spending Cubs wouldn't lock up Carlos Zambrano? Why wouldn't you think that the increasingly dangerous Astros wouldn't lock up Jason Jennings? Why wouldn't you think that the White Sox would have a renewed interest in locking up Mark Buehrle? My point is, I think that everyone that the Mets would/should hope for for 2008 will never hit free agency. The Mets should have factored that into their thinking.

Well, in Omar we trust...right?

I trust Omar. I've trusted Omar to do the right thing all along.

I still do. But right now, I trust that Omar will do nothing.

I have to be honest...I fear plan B. The Mets needed an ace. They will not get one unless they make a trade...and most likely, they will not land an ace via trade unless they give up either Mike Pelfrey or Phil Humber. Is there an available ace that is worth giving up one of those pitchers? My guess is no. Oswalt isn't available. Dontrelle? If Dontrelle was available, he would have been gone already. With the White Sox having unloaded Freddy Garcia and Brandon McCarthy, that crosses off Mark Buehrle and Jon Garland (notice, Omar, I did not equate the name "Javy Vazquez" with the word "ace". Take heed, please.) With Zito gone, I'll take my chances with Pelfrey or Humber or both in the '07 rotation.

But the Mets were one game from the World Series. So what's the problem?

The problem is that the Mets haven't significantly improved. Everyone else in the National League seemingly has. Two teams needed an ace pitcher. One ponied up the money, the other didn't. Plain and simple. The Mets had one chance to improve their team and didn't do it. They tried to get the Gyroball, and they didn't have a realistic chance at Jason Schmidt because he wasn't moving east. Apparently, they never had a real chance at Zito either.

Is there anyone that wants to pitch in New York?

Are other teams mindful of the Mets' need for an ace to the point where they will drive up the price for their ace?

If Brian Cashman calls Omar Minaya and offers Randy Johnson for Pelfrey and Humber, then you will know the answer to that question.

Isn't there anything the Mets can do that isn't going to involve the two studs?

Maybe. Brad Penny could probably be had without giving up the studs. He's not an ace like Zito's an ace, but he might be ace light (or at least Ace Frehley.) I know people like yourselves would go nuts if I even suggested trading Aaron Heilman, but if it takes unloading Heilman to get a top half of the rotation starter, you have to do it. Yes, I preach bullpen, bullpen, bullpen all the time. But can you really expect Aaron Heilman to keep pitching with motivation and conviction if his role is at best going to remain the 8th inning, and more likely be demoted to the seventh inning when Filthy Sanchez is deemed to have regained full strength?

But wouldn't this be the perfect time to give Heilman that shot to be a starter?

Maybe. But think about this from the Mets' perspective: They do not see Heilman as a starter. With his numbers against batters the second time through the lineup, I can't say that I blame them. Yet there are other teams out there that feel that the Mets undervalue Heilman. If those teams are willing to give up a top half starter to obtain Heilman to start, then why not let them take that chance instead of the Mets?

Is there an ace out there that might be available that nobody would believe is available?

Probably not. Put a gun to my head and demand an answer? I'll say Boston's Josh Beckett. I only say that because if they need a closer, they could probably ask for Heilman and Milledge and get a deal like that done...then decide whether Heilman slides into Beckett's spot, or closes, while replacing Coco Crisp in center field with Milledge. A Josh Beckett return to the National League would be lethal...partly because I think Beckett is going to have a nice bounce-back season with the Red Sox.

But that's a wild guess that I don't think the Red Sox would go for.

Would you consider bringing back Steve Trachsel at this point?

I would rather Santa Claus return and barf on my laptop computer.

Thanks for everything Santa. And just so you know, I can't guarantee that next year's batch of cookies aren't going to be laced with something, and that there isn't going to be ecstasy in the milk (though I doubt it would have any effect on you, you booze hound.) Merry Christmas.

A Growing List

This Mets offseason is quickly turning into those police movies...where the local authorities pour their blood sweat and tears into a case, only to have the FBI move in and overrule the locals' jurisdiction.

Proof that you can never be too comfortable comes in the form of the news that the Yankees are looking into dealing Randy Johnson back to the Arizona Diamondbacks.

I made the mistake of taking that story at face value when I perused the different versions of the story. There were no mentions of the Mets or Barry Zito until I read the headline on the Sports Illustrated website that read "Yanks dangling Johnson, eyeing Zito".

Of course I got worried, expecting to read a sentence in that story that started with "Sources say...". Instead, I read what amounted to be Jon Heyman conjuring up a scenario in his crystal ball, with a lot of "well, the Yankees haven't made any overtures towards Zito, but they could get him...you have to think they'd get him because they're the New York Yankees and, well, you know, shouldn't we all genuflect towards the New York Yankees?"

Of course, by dragging the New York Yankees into the Zito equation, Heyman has effectively given Scott Boras a larger commission. It's not a coincidence, as the Metstradamus crack staff uncovered a copy of this cancelled check from Scott Boras made out to Heyman (there are no holidays for the crack staff when it comes to uncovering the injustices of Scott Boras):

So in response to the manuscript by Boras' newest minion, this leaves other media outlets like the New York Times and ESPN's Steve Phillips to match the genuflecting, pushing the Yankees further into the Zito conversation.

Of course, the Johnson trade has to happen first. A smart GM would only trade for Randy Johnson if it were to help his club. When Johnson went from Phoenix to New York, it was in exchange for Javy Vazquez, Dioner Navarro, and Brad Halsey. Two years later, it would figure that Johnson would go the other way at a considerably lower cost to the Diamondbacks, especially if the Yankees don't pick up any of the salary which they don't want to do. So Arizona has two options. Either

• Take Randy Johnson and his bad back for nothing but pick up his entire salary, or...
• Take Randy Johnson and his bad back at a reduced cost but give up a good prospect or two and help restock the Yankees farm system.

Neither would seem like a decent option for the Diamondbacks...but GM's seem to have their IQ points drop by the bushel when they talk to Brian Cashman, probably because conversations seem to go like this:

Cashman: Okay, here's the deal, give us what we want and I won't send security to kill you.

Other GM: Deal.

So basically, it's a race against the clock for the Mets to sign Barry Zito before Steinbrenner and the Prince of Darkness conspire to bring the Yankees head long into the discussion. Remember, Boras tried this before with Carlos Beltran, but the Yankees didn't bite. So some advice to David Wright, Tom Glavine and company...while you're selling New York to Barry Zito, sell the fact that the future is brighter in Queens than in the Bronx. Sell the fact that it would be bright still with Barry Zito in Queens instead of the Bronx.

And sell it quickly.

A Carol For Omar

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
Arlington's no place to go...
Get Zito, get Zito, get Zito.

He doesn't show signs of stopping
And his fastball is a'popping
Since his WHIP is relatively low
Get Zito, get Zito, get Zito.

When we finally say play ball
How I'll hate Jeff Suppan more and more
But if you really sign Zito
His ERA will be well under four.

Negotiations are slowly dying
And Scott Boras is still lying
But if Omar loves me so...
He'll get Zito, get Zito, get Zito.

Happy Holidays to all.

Good Byes And Contingencies

Inactivity is the Devil's handiwork.

At least, I think that's how the saying goes.

No really, it is. And I can prove it. I mean...do you really think it's coincidence that I take about a week off from blogging here, and Chris Woodward goes and signs with the Braves?

Satan caught me napping, and now the player that I took great pains in providing some good luck for at times in 2005, goes and joins Satan's minions.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking and you're probably right. I shouldn't sweat the small stuff, and in the grand scheme of things, Chris Woodward is small potatoes. But while we're all sitting here worrying about Barry Zito (speaking of inactivity being Scott Boras' handiwork), Chris Woodward, a bench player I've grown fond of, sneaks off to Atlanta to be a non-descript bench player who will most assuredly use his healed labrum to beat the Mets with a walk-off hit in 2007...for the Braves, I remind you...and drive me nuts in the process.

But that's a future heartache for a future time. The clear and present danger is what happens to the Mets if they don't sign Zito. And, in a scenario I was afraid of, the Mets have talked to the man who is setting himself up to be America's Consolation Prize, Jeff Suppan.

Oh, great. A potential soothing analgesic to ease the pain of losing Barry Zito, and at the same time a reminder to the Mets and their fans of the way they had it shoved down their throats in October by the very same Suppan. Yes, let's push Barry Zito away from Shea with our fiscal responsibility, then show up at the door of Scott Leventhal...reeking of desperation...while opening our wallets and shouting "pleeeeease, won't somebody take our moneeeeeeey" and proceeding to bid against ourselves to fill a gaping hole to a man who will most likely use the extra cash to hire a therapist to remind him that he's a .500 pitcher with an ERA of over four and a half just in time to make his Mets debut.

A lifetime supply of Turtle Wax in the role of: Ace.

Sounds like a plan to me. I'll ponder that possibility on Christmas Eve while watching a marathon of "The Game 365" featuring Fran Healy on MSG network, and preparing sharpened candy canes to stick in my eyes soon afterwards.

The "u" Is Silent...The Agent Will Not Be

So now that the Dicey-K deal is finally finished, can the world resume spinning already?

That's gotta be what Barry Zito was asking this morning. Personally, if I'm a lefty pitcher who is a Cy Young award winner, I'd personally be offended that my agent would make a pitcher who has never thrown a pitch in major league baseball his first priority while shoving me aside and treating me like a second banana. And if I were Barry Zito, I'd fire my agent immediately.

But that's me speaking as a Met fan pretending he's Barry Zito...and not really as Barry Zito.

Far be it from me to suggest that Daisuke (the "u" is silent) Matsuzaka (the "u" is not silent) is a tad bit overvalued while the major-league experienced yet still just entering his prime lefthander has to wait in line for his agent, who supposedly works for him, to get done with Dice's deal. But such is life when your agent is the prince of darkness.

And while some may say that the two contracts are mutually exclusive of one another considering the unique circumstances surrounding the Japanese posting system, I fear otherwise. Scott Boras, you see, was arrogant enough to think that he could get close to $20 million a year for his Japanese league client, in addition to the $51 million the Red Sox posted for him. He soon realized , however, that he had no leverage, and only wrangled about $9 million a season for his client.

How do you think the prince of darkness feels this morning?

He's furious.

And if you were Boras, and you had to make a statement not only to major league baseball and it's member clubs, but to every young baseball player ready to enter the majors and wrestling with a decision as to which agent to hire, wouldn't you be even more determined to use Barry Zito's free agency to get every...last...dime that you could get from an owner regardless of whether that owner's team played in New York, Arlington, Anchorage, or Amsterdam?

Try not to answer that as a Met fan pretending to be Scott Boras. Really put yourself in the mind of the prince of darkness and think about how people might be thinking that the failure to get Dice a ridiculous contract is a chink in your armor.

Scott Boras is furious, and you would be too.

If Zito truly wants to play in New York, then now would be the perfect time to remind Boras that the agent works for the player and not the other way around, by instructing his agent to do everything he can to make sure Zito ends up as in Queens. But a more likely scenario is that Barry Zito hasn't made up his mind that strongly. More likely, Boras takes advantage of Zito's fragile mind and uses him to prove to the world that the prince of darkness is still the dominant baseball agent on the landscape.

The words "unleash" and "fury" come to mind.

The Mets will have to pay through the nose to get Zito, in direct contrast to recent propaganda (and until Barry Zito is holding up a Rangers jersey with Tom Hicks at his side, yes I believe that any words out of the Mets camp on Zito is propaganda). Because unlike with Dice, Scott Boras holds leverage. The best the Mets can hope for is to include a clause in the deal that stipulates that Barry Zito will not be allowed to hang glide, ride motorcycles with Jeff Kent, play pick-up basketball with Aaron Boone, or play Guitar Hero with Joel Zumaya.

Pain Relief

I feel better already.