Disaster Looms

In this atmosphere of former Yankees choke slamming GM's, and current superstars shoving traveling secretaries, my only question after tonight's comedy of errors is this:

When is that New York Mets clubhouse brawl coming?

Because you know that when the final piece of evidence that this team is a lifeless mess finally comes, it's not going to be something simple like a chokeslam or a shove. Oh no, the apocalypse of the '08 Mets is going to be on a grander scale because everything is done bigger in New York anyway. Oh, it may start with something small ... like Carlos Delgado reminding John Maine how to execute the perfect pickoff throw. Or Maine politely telling Luis Castillo that he shouldn't get his fielding fundamentals from the Ron Hextall Defensive Drills tape.

Or it might start with Snoop Manuel going "gangster" and actually cutting Jose Reyes. Or Reyes throwing his glove at Carlos Delgado's head. Or Tony Bernazard invading a players only meeting with nunchuks, wondering why nobody can hit Kyle Lohse (who it bears mentioning is 10 and freakin' 2). But when it happens, it's going to be huge. And make no mistake, when you pour an underachieving team into a pot and mix it with a bitter fan base and let a relentless media horde turn up the heat to about 450, it's going to happen. Only question is when. Maybe after this Cardinals series, which ... with Tony Armas Jr. starting tomorrow, and the unhittable albatross from last September Joel Piniero ... is already shaping up to be a disaster. But the explosion is coming.

(Editor's note: Any guesses on which blogger will play the part of the drunk at the :47 mark?)

Oh, The Angst!

Sometimes, a picture says 1,000 words. But who needs pictures when words themselves will do the trick?

The Mets signed Tony Armas Jr. today, presumably to fill out the roster in New Orleans. Hooray! Insurance. The following was the headline from the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

"Big-Spending Mets Add Another Arm"

What? The Mets traded for Carlos Zambrano? Barry Zito? Warren Spahn? No? Tony Armas Jr.? The Mets spent ten million on Tony Armas Junior? Wait! There's more...

"If added to the 40-man roster, Armas would get a one-year contract paying $1 million while in the majors and $90,000 in the minors. He also could make $350,000 in performance bonuses if used as a reliever and $650,000 based on innings, starting with 130."

So the most that the Mets are going to spend on this cat is $2,000,000? And they're the Big Spending Mets?

Because you know that headline wasn't written ... in Atlanta ... with good connotation. Add a snarky tone to "Big-Spending Mets Add Another Arm" and I think you've got the message that was intended. You see, "Big-Spending Mets Add Another Arm" really means: "Stupid Lousy Mets Go Sign Somebody Else Even Though They Already Have Johan Santana Because They're Big Greedy Donald Trump Loving New York Jackasses!"

Let the angst begin.

But seriously, the Mets did go and sign Tony Armas Jr., he of the 52-65 record and all of the unfortunate injuries. But when you consider that the Orioles went and re-signed our old friend Steve Trachsel to compete for a rotation spot after trading him last August, I ask you: on which side is the grass greener, exactly?

For once, it might not be the on the other side.