He Broke A Nail

Turns out if you had "two outs into spring training" on your "First Mets Injury of the Year" pool, you can now collect your money, as Sean Green departed early from the first spring game of the season.

“My nail cracked a little bit a couple pitches before the end of that inning,” Green said, “so before I ripped it off completely, I just wanted to stop. I just didn't want it to get worse. It's one of those things that if you let if keep going it can get pretty nasty.”

“It never happened before, but it's a pretty easy fix,” Green said. “I'll just put a fake nail on it and it will be fine. I don’t plan on missing any time.

Speaking as somebody who had a nail almost completely torn off: Ouch!!! And speaking as someone counting on this bullpen being much better in '09 than it was in '08 (and as someone who doesn't so much care how minor this injury is), F#*$%k!!!

I did my research. You need some Nail RX base coat, some pink gel glue, a Q-Tip, a cuticle pointy stick thing (technical term), some Rose Salve, and some cuticle oil for putting on a fake nail. But what ever you do Sean, do not ... and I can't stress this enough: do not procure any of these items from Yuri Sucart ... or from any cousin you might have who is living in or around the Dominican Republic. In fact, if you have a cousin in Minnesota, don't go to him. Don't trust any of your cousins. Anywhere. Okay?

Hey, I'm here to help.