I apologize for repeatedly pointing out your horrendous statistics. I hope this doesn't preclude you from dotting the i's and crossing the t's on your new Mets contract.
By the time I get back from my vacation on June 15th, I hope that you will be on the mound wearing number 32 for the Mets, and I look forward to certain other Mets pitchers wearing number $3.50 on a big button while selling bottled water...in September...during a rain delay.
And if you sign, I will allow you to flip me the bird at any time during your Mets tenure with no repercussions, no questions asked.
See you on the 15th!