Turning The Tables

So Mike Piazza's job search finally comes to an end as he signs a one season, two million dollar deal with the San Diego Padres.

Of course you can debate the wisdom of signing an aging broken down catcher to shoulder the large workload in a ball park that's more condusive to nature hikes than hitting home runs. You can also debate the wisdom of a National League team signing him as opposed to a DH flavored league such as the junior circuit.

But here is the question I have:

Is Kevin Towers, the Padres white GM, signing too many white players?

I mean, look at their roster...it's laden with white players. And look at the players signed/acquired by Kevin Towers just this off season: Piazza, Shawn Estes, Doug Mirabelli, Doug Brocail, Chris Young, Mark Bellhorn, Geoff Blum, Bobby Hill, Seth Etherton...not to mention re-signing two other white players: Brian Giles and Trevor Hoffman. That's eleven white players in one offseason! Add those to the white players already on the team such as Clay Hensley, David Ross, Jake Peavy, Tim Stauffer, Scott Linebrink, Scott Cassidy, Woody Williams, Khalil Greene, and Ryan Klesko, you have twenty out of 25 players on the San Diego roster who are caucasian. Eighty percent white...in a city whose racial makeup was only 47% caucasian as of the 2000 census.

Where's the outrage? Where's the press coverage? It's time to put Kevin Towers under the spotlight reserved for Omar Minaya.

Get the point?

Toe Taps

So Pedro Martinez will wear a special shoe made by Nike for, get this: the rest of his career to help his aching toe.

Is anybody else worried here?

I mean, isn't this what everybody feared when Pedro got here? More than the rumored diva antics or the flaky dances in the dugout. It's the fact that Pedro is perpetually one pitch away from falling in a heap of body parts on the mound.

And now this news...and all of a sudden the starting rotation, which was at 8 in October, is now at four and a half.

Luckily, my crack staff has dug up a prototype of the new shoe:

Don't Read The Post Today

"Don't tell me they photoshopped him in a Yankee uniform!"

-Friend of Metstradamus, when informed that he should not read Newsday after they reported that the Yankees and Mike Piazza had mutual interest.

Well no, they didn't. But today:


They couldn't even erase the beard?

Between that and Juan Samuel re-joining the Mets family, my head is spinning.

Roger McDowell a Brave? Juan Samuel a Met again? Mike Piazza rumored to be a Yankee? What gives here anyway?

And was Rick Peterson...

once the lead singer for Foreigner?

Hot blooded, check it and see.

I got a pitch count of a hundred and three.

Daddy, Why Was Santa Traded?

Aaron Heilman, you just got your wish!

Heilman just inherited a spot in the starting rotation as Mr. Anna Benson has been wheeled to the Orioles, in a long rumored deal for Jorge Julio and John Maine as the Santa Claus curse continues.

The Mets are banking that Julio's career will rebound from the "steady decline" that it has been in over the past few seasons, and that Maine, he of the 6.60 lifetime ERA, will do something. But once again, this is a deal that has the Atlanta Braves in mind.

Not the present Atlanta Braves, but Braves of yore.

You see, the Omar Minaya understands that the Wagner and Delgado moves were designed to get to the postseason. The Sanchez and Julio moves are designed to survive in the postseason. You know where all of those great starters got the Atlanta Braves? It got them Mark Wohlers vs. Jim Leyritz in Game 4 of the '96 Series. It got them Buffalo Bills status.

So instead of the "let's sign every washed up reliever in the free world and hope one or two of them stick" game plan that has been the cover of the playbook for years, the Mets are actually making set up men and middle relief a priority. And that's something this soothsayer doesn't mind.

Now let's just hope that it is indeed Heilman that benefits from this move...it would really have to be, since the bullpen is all of a sudden too crowded for Heilman to have a real impact there. Of course, if Heilman fulfills the promise shown in flashes during 2005, then everybody wins.

And as for Kris Benson, I wish him well. He's been a class act in his limited time here. But it's going to be hard and almost unfair to assess this deal from Baltimore's side because Benson is a pitcher that is going to be swallowed up by not only Oriole Park at Camden Yards, but the expectation of being the only pitcher the Orioles managed to get this offseason (what a drop off from Mark Prior, eh?) The good part is that the Orioles don't have to worry about Benson's propensity for physically fading in September, since the Orioles haven't played meaningful games in September since Robby Alomar was motivated. It will be hard for Benson to be known in Baltimore as the bone thrown to Miguel Tejada.

And speaking of bone, you know as well as I do that the only reason Benson made it to New York in the first place is because his wife wanted to be a star. Why do you think Anna raised such a ruckus about being traded to Baltimore in the first place? Think about it...and think about every husband of every spotlight-hungry woman you know. Does the word subserviant come to mind? Does he look and act like Kris Benson does? He does...doesn't he? (Brad Pitt is starting to head to that category if you ask me...but that's another story for another blog.) And now, Anna gets to whine her way all the way to Baltimore because her contract negotiating ability does not match her modeling portfolio and she didn't think enough to suggest a no-trade clause. Oh well.

Has It Really Come To This For Mike Piazza?

Boy, you wouldn't think that it would be January and Mike Piazza would still be looking for a job. Apparently, he's had to resort to more conventional tactics.

My Country Tis Of Thee

Let's get one thing straight before I continue:

I love my country.

I support my country.

I know the words to our national anthem.

So you will forgive me if I don't get excited about this World Baseball Tournament. (I refuse to call it a "classic". Classics, to me, must exist for at least 10 years and must be, oh I don't know, popular, to be conisdered a classic. Marketing does not make something "classic".)

And you'll even forgive me when I tell you this: I might very well root against the United States if this WBT is even played.

Traitor to my country? Not one bit. But I'm sorry, there's two points I need to make here:

1. I don't care about the World Baseball Tournament. In fact, the fact that Pedro Martinez's toe might very well explode while pitching at this meaningless tournament gives me frequent heartburn and agita. And...
2. If I did care about the World Baseball Tournament, I would have to turn it off about three innings in after the endless packaged vignettes about why Derek Jeter is the greatest American in America.

You want to tell me that I should root for America because I love my country? I will tell you that I will root root root for the home team when the hockey guys hit the ice in Turin. And yes, there is a difference. You see, even though the USA Hockey team will contain various Islanders, Devils and Flyers playing for them, the sport of hockey moves so fast and flows so seamlessly that the team on the ice and on the bench acts as one unit...the United States of America. You hardly notice the faces...you just notice the sweater; Red White and Blue flying around so quick that all you see is the United States of America. And truthfully, I can get behind Rick DiPietro and Scott Gomez and Robert Esche for a couple of weeks. It's like broccoli, I'm not going to necessarily choose to eat it, but it isn't going to kill me.

Not only can I not get behind Derek Jeter for a minute...let alone seventeen days, you know that whoever puts this meaningless tournament on television will use the many breaks between innings and pitches to hypnotize us into believing that there are only three players on the whole team, as the viewing public will get a heaping dose of Jeter, Roger Clemens, and Barry Bonds.

Hate, hate, and more hate.

Billy Wagner is there? I don't want him pitching either. Another reason to root for the good ol' USA to get their brains beat in by the fourth inning.

David Wright is there? Great! Guess who he'll be playing behind? That's right, Larry Jones.

Larry Jones, who had an illegitimate child with a Hooter's waitress, does not represent my America.

Roger Clemens, who threw a splintered bat at another human being, does not represent my America.

Barry Bonds, who owns an entire corner of his lockerroom, is surrounded by steroid rumors, is a curmudgeon to his teammates and the general public, and is only playing in this meaningless tournament because the powers that be decided that instituting the designated hitter rule will bring Bonds to the tournament and generate more revenue, does not represent my America.

And Jeter?

Well I just plain don't like him.

And will Alex Rodriguez play for the United States? Will he play for the Dominican Republic? I have the answer:

I DON'T CARE!

Alex Rodriguez is a Yankee. To me, he's not American, he's not Dominican. He's a Yankee. And I don't want him playing with David Wright any more than I wan't him playing with Pedro Martinez. It's a simple theory: I don't want my guys mixing with their guys. And that is just one more reason why I cannot watch the World Baseball Tournament.

God Bless America, my home sweet home. Go Venezuela!

***

Some questions I need answered, because even soothsayers don't know everything...

Why is it that when Tiki Barber steps in front of a podium and says "we got outcoached", there's outcry from East Rutherford to Charlottesville; But when Roger Clemens tells Karl Ravech on a golf course that "we still need a lot of firepower", which basically is code for "The Astros front office is getting out-officed", not a peep from anybody? Is it:

• Because we, as a society, are afraid of roid rage?
• Blatent racism?
• Because everyone is too busy kissing his trackmarked ass hoping he'll return to major league baseball to help sell this hokey World Baseball Classic and the All-Star Game?
• Because if someone says something, Clemens will come to his house and throw him out of the window like in the SportsCenter spot?
• Because Clemens was a Yankee?
• All of the above?
• None of the above?

What then?

***

I realize nobody is going to roll out the red carpet for Mike Pelfrey. But for Pete's sake, couldn't somebody have erased the whiteboard in the asbestos filled room so the backdrop to Pelfrey's first ever Met news conference doesn't read "8:30 meeting"?

***

Who will be the first idiot to read this, and still wonder aloud if Billy Wagner can "handle the pressures of New York" after his first blown save?

***

Where the hell is Erik Love? Falcons go 9-7 and he jumps off a building or something? C'mon man, suck it up!

***

And why did Goose Gossage feel to need to perform his Paul O'Neill impression after the hall of fame snubbed him? Typical Yankee sense of entitlement...waaah waaah waaah!