Rekindling The Hate

Are we playing the Braves this weekend?

This is certainly a different type of series from what Met fans are used to, isn't it? Usually, it's the Mets who are looking to prove something, looking to make a statement at Turner Field. (More often than not, the statement becomes "We're the baseball equivalent of impotence.") The Braves, meanwhile, are the ones with the comfortable lead...the ones with the division sewn up...and the ones who hold all comers by their outstretched arms as they flail wildly thinking they'll land a shot.

I hate cliches, but the tables are indeed turned. The Mets are well out in front, the Braves are the ones swinging wildly with their heads firmly pressed against the extended palm of the New York Mets. Tonight, we find out if that outstretched palm belongs to one Pedro Martinez, making his return to active baseball duty tonight.

Forgive me if it's taken me a while to rev up the hate machine for the Atlanta Braves this time out. It's now that I'm reminded of the constant question I get from Yankee fans "Why do you hate us more than the Braves?"

The same reason that you have better relations with your parents after you move out...you don't have to see them every day (and vice versa).

But it's time to hate them again...and not because of this notion that they still have a chance to catch the Mets, no matter what Bobby Cox said before his team lost two of three to the Marlins at home, and no matter what Marcus Giles says now. But rather because the Braves still have a chance at the wild card, and anything the Mets can do to derail those chances would benefit them greatly.

You see, the only reason the Braves have a chance at being the wild card is because there is no real dominant force in the N.L. that has run away from everyone else for that spot. And that's unfortunate because the Braves pitching staff in no way shape or form belongs anywhere near a race. But that isn't going to matter if the Braves take two or...gasp...sweep the Mets at Turner Field. If that happens, then all of a sudden the Braves strut through the rest of the season with their chests puffed out (or for Bob Wickman, his belly), and confidence can go a long way towards overcoming the hurdle of incompetence.

Now for the Mets, losing two or three at their personal house of horrors isn't going to kill them, but it is going to put that seed of doubt in their collective heads...all right, in their fans' collective heads anyway...and all of a sudden, there are questions as to whether this team can handle a potential seven game NLCS with these pests after all, fair or not. So for that reason, it's time to take all of the advantages that the Mets enjoy on paper and end the Braves once and for all...give them the seed of doubt that they have so rightfully earned with the pitching staff they have.

It's time to bury them...right Paulie?

Who Loves Ya' Baby!

I'm happier than normal tonight.

And it centers around the return of Jaap Stijl to his keyboard to resume his blog known as "Archie Bunker's Army"...banging away at his keys to bring us his unique perspective on Mets baseball from across the pond. He's one of the many, many talented bloggers who write stuff that I only wish I could come up with. So as he makes his return, make your return along with him, and march with Archie Bunker's Army once again.

Speaking of other bloggers:

You ever see that commercial where the three suits are waiting for the elevator and run into Joe Buck? After one of the greatest suck up lines in commercial history ("that voice is like velvet with peanut butter") they get all flustered and suck up to him to the point that they're all touching Buck's throat while he utters Dave Kingman's most referred to phrase "swing and a miss".

Well, in 1986, Bob Sikes was an assistant trainer with the World Champion New York Mets, while I was in the stands for many of those regular season games buying 10 dollar t-shirts with every single name and number of every '86 Met I could find...basically worshipping this team that was doing things I never thought possible in Mets baseball.

Twenty years later, we're both bloggers. It's weird because this is a guy with a World Series ring for crying out loud...and I couldn't even get a ticket to a postseason game that season. Yet we're both bloggers now which means to the naked eye, we're on some sort of equal footing. Trust me, I know better. For example, he's a teacher now, which means he's serving America's youth. The closest I get to serving America's youth is when I tell our interns that they should find a line of work which pays more.

Equal footing my meniscus. I'm in awe.

He shows his versatility by writing on a wide variety of sports subjects, and his perspective on current stories that involve people close to him are particularly enlightening. When John Gibbons had to deal with the whole Shea Hillenbrand situation, the first thing I thought was that Bob was a cinch to come up with some perspective, having been with John in 1985 and 1986. And sure enough...

Maybe one day, like the guys in the elevator, I'll get to put my hand on Bob's rotator cuff while he says "Tommy John surgery".

But until then, the best I can do is help out when I'm asked. And Bob has asked for a verification on a potential lookalike situation. Mr. Sikes, I'm here to help.

As you can see from this picture, there certainly is a very strong resemblance between Mets general manager Omar Minaya, and Cincinnati Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis. Minaya, however, looks a little grayer and a little more pale, which tells me that being an employee of the Mets has probably caused much stress, and has kept him from spending relaxing days at the beach. Lewis, having only spent a couple of seasons with the Bengals, hasn't experienced that stress yet. However, with half of the Bengals getting arrested during this past off season, I think that Lewis will look even more like Minaya by December.

Come to think of it: Don't these two dearly departed share some physical attributes? Can't you see Bob Murphy coming home telling Edith about the beautiful cumulus clouds that hovered overhead...going on about the talents of young Kenny Boswell, who wants to be out there each and every day? Murph would ask Edith politely for a beer (Schaefer beer, of course).

Then there's noted Met fan Archie:

"Ah jeez will you look at this Skip Lockwood here, he comes in there, blowing the lead for Seaver! He's a bigger meathead than you, meathead!"

My kingdom for Archie Bunker's take on Jaerock Lee.

I'm Listening

FC: Roz, who's our first caller?

RD: Frasier, we have Metstradamus on line one.

FC: Go ahead caller.

MD: Dr. Crane, I have a problem.

FC: Metstradamus, I'm listening.

MD: I'm calling because I have a fear of commitment.

FC: Well Metstradamus, a fear of commitment is very common. You may have a concern about the idea of "forever".

MD: That sounds right.

FC: And you might be afraid of a bad marriage or a short one.

MD: Yes, that's very astute Dr. Crane.

FC: You fear a bad mistake in the person chosen.

MD: Dr. Crane, you're a genius.

FC: So how long have you dated this girl?

MD: What girl?

FC: The girl that you fear a commitment with.

MD: Oh I've been married for three years.

FC: You've been...wait a second...I don't understand.

MD: You see Dr. Crane, I have this little blog where Met fans of all persuasions come and depend on me for guidance since I'm a soothsayer and all. And the trade deadline is coming up and there is a marquee name out there that some Met fans can't decide whether they want to give up their top prospect for him or not.

FC: So what's the problem.

MD: Well like I said, people are going to want an opinion from me to help guide them in their lives...kind of like what you do...and I can't commit to an opinion one way or the other.

FC: That is your fear of commitment?

MD: Frasier, I don't think you understand the enormity of the situation. The single most important question Met fans will have over the next five days...the question that decides the direction of the whole season...is "should we trade Lastings Milledge for Barry Zito"...and I, er, I can't answer it! I'm afraid that we'll be without Lastings Milledge "forever". And I'm afraid of a bad Met "marriage" with Barry Zito, and definitely a "short" one. But we're talking about the World Series here. The World Series!!! I know this is a foreign entity to you...you've never seen one in Seattle. Barry Zito could get us to one...but then we'd lose Lastings Milledge forever!

FC: I see.

MD: I could really use your assistance on this one Dr. Crane.

FC: Well I had a good friend who used to play with the Red Sox, and he also had a fear of commitment. So I think I can help you here. Now Metstradamus, I find that the best way to come to a conclusion in these matters is to weigh the pros and cons of your situation. Now tell me, what are the pros to this Ziti character?

MD: Zit-O!

FC: Yes, right.

MD: Well, he is a former Cy Young award winner. And the Mets employ his former pitching coach...he's kind of a guru of sorts. Eccentric sort, always wears a jacket. Anyway, I think that would make Zito happy. And he has a freakish curveball. Trading for him would be the gutsy thing to do.

FC: I see. Now what is the downside concerning Zito?

MD: Well, he won that Cy Young award a long time ago...and since then he's basically been a .500 pitcher. And if the Mets trade for him, there's every chance that he'll leave after two months for somewhere else, meaning we'd give up our top prospect for basically nothing. It's not the practical thing to do.

FC: Metstradamus, it sounds like an easy decision to me.

MD: But it wouldn't be all bad if Zito left. The Mets would get two first round draft choices if Zito did leave, which would mean Milledge would be traded for two future stars.

FC: Interesting.

MD: Now keep in mind that these two draft picks could turn out to be part of the future. Or they could be as useful as rusty hinges. Lastings Milledge is close to the real deal already. And Zito could be here next season anyway.

FC: So you're saying if Zito comes now, he'll leave. And if Zito doesn't come, then he'll come next season.

MD: Maybe, on all counts.

FC: Isn't there a chance that Zito could come here for somebody other than this Lastings character? Haven't you, as a Met fan, ever had your cake and ate it too?

MD: Yes, but only after the cake dropped to the floor and stuck to some random hair, floor wax, and cracker crumbs. That piece always went to me.

FC: Well I find that trades usually work out even when all is said and done so you can't go wrong either way.

MD: You've never heard of Victor Zambrano, have you?

FC: No, but I once pantsed Wade Boggs.

MD: Let it never be said that the psychiatric community possesses no scruples.

FC: Metstradamus, we need to get to the root of the problem. Let's play a little word association. I'll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to your mind.

MD: This is your big plan?

FC: Let's begin: Bat

MD: Maple

FC: Maple?

MD: More and more baseball bats are made of maple.

FC: I see this is going to be tougher than I thought. Okay: salt

MD: pepper

FC: doctor

MD: Pepper

FC: night

MD: Ray

FC: right

MD: David

FC: left

MD: Tug McGraw

FC: twin

MD: Soriano

FC: Abreu

MD: Tigers

FC: Yankees

MD: suck?

FC: All right, your situation isn't dire. Ready: Zito

MD: Um...uuuuuh...er...

FC: Come on Metstradamus, Zito. ZITO!

MD: I can't come up with anything!

FC: ZIIIIIITOOOOOOO!!!

MD: Dammit my mind is a blank!!!

FC: Metstradamus, you must take some time to talk this out for yourself, for your own sake, and for the sake of your readers.

MD: I just can't make up my mind on this, Frasier. I mean, making this trade would send an uplifting message to the team. It would be the same as telling them: "Boys, I believe in you. You've played well enough, and you've earned the opportunity to receive some help and here you are: Barry Zito."

FC: Well I think it's healthy that you have the feelings of other people in mind.

MD: But it could go the other way. Giving the team some help might also tell them that their boss has no confidence in what the current group can do in the playoffs and World Series. I mean, there's a lot of veterans on the team and their egos shouldn't be that fragile. But there's always exceptions to the rule. I shudder at what a trade like this would do to Steve Trachsel and Aaron Heilman.

FC: Who?

MD: I mean, those two go nuts at the mere mention of being demoted in the starting rotation, or being kept off it all together.

FC: So why not trade them too?

MD: More trades? I have enough trouble deciding on this one. You're throwing me more trades? What the hell do they pay you for?!?

FC: ...

MD: I need help.

FC: Tell me about your mother.

MD: Old Dodger fan.

FC: Brooklyn?

MD: Los Angeles too.

FC: Really? Your mother never disavowed the Dodgers after they left Brooklyn?

MD: Well, after 1981 when they beat the Yankees, she took pity on my sad sack Mets team and started supporting it, along with my interest in it. But she's an old Dodger fan at heart.

FC: Interesting. Who was your mother's favorite Dodger player?

MD: Ron Cey.

FC: And was there anything special about Ron Cey that is deep in the recess of your mind?

MD: Well they called him "The Penguin".

FC: Penguin...Did she have a favorite Met?

MD: Yes, his name was Len Dykstra.

FC: And was he a penguin too?

MD: No, but he ran into walls a lot. Mom was upset when he was traded to Philadelphia.

FC: Upset...traded...very interesting. Tell me...this Penguin, was he traded to Philadelphia too?

MD: No...he was traded to the Cubs.

FC: Yes...yes...and what was gained by these two trades?

MD: Well between Vance Lovelace and Juan Samuel, I'd say absolutely nothing, Frasier.

FC: I think I know your problem. You see, your mother was traumatized not once...but twice by trades. And not just any trades...her favorite players ONE...from each franchise, gone in an instant. You want so much to embrace change but you can't. You can't because it was indeed trades that took away those you your mother held close. And although change may be good you are hesitant because of the ugly memories of past trades that traumatized your mother. You need to let go, move on, and not be afraid to make a decision that you think would bring back these ugly memories.

MD: Hmmm.

FC: It's okay to be speechless after an epiphany like this.

MD: Frasier, I've made my decision.

FC: Well I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. What is your decision?

MD: Frasier, you're a twisted individual. And in the interests of making sure I never listen to your show again, I'm throwing my radio against the wall. Then I'm going to throw my head against the wall. And when I wake up, I just may throw my mother against the wall. And if I'm not in jail, I'm going to fly across the country to throw Ron Cey against the wall.

FC: Do you think that's particularly healthy?

MD: Probably not...but at least I've made a decision. And for now, that's a start. Thanks, Dr. Crane.

FC: Metstradamus, although I don't think it will do much good, I wish you good mental health. Roz, who's our next caller?

RD: Frasier, we have Omar from Flushing on line two.

FC: Omar, I'm listening...

Last Laugh

That Kris Benson trade isn't looking too bad now is it?

It's impressive to pitch a complete game shutout when you're stoked to a four run lead in the second inning while going up against the immortal Taylor Buchholz. But it's quite a different animal to stare down Mark Prior (albeit a wild Mark Prior on a pitch count) and match zeroes with him as he's no hitting your team for 5 and 2/3's.

Make no mistake, the jury is still out on John Maine. Keep in mind that all but one inning of Bangor's body of work has taken place at Shea Stadium. And that body of work is still relatively Chicken McNugget like in size. But sixteen straight scoreless is sixteen straight scoreless. And the last seven of those sixteen was sorely needed today as the Mets avoided a sweep at the hands of Murphy's Cubs today.

Think about this from Omar Minaya's perspective. If Bangor Maine looks more like a major league pitcher than a hair spray consultant (for example), then Minaya is pretty much undefeated in his Mets career in terms of trades.

Mike Cameron for Xavier Nady? Cameron may have better numbers, but not by much. And Cameron was a square peg in a round hole while he was here so if the numbers are a wash, it's a win for the Mets merely because of the salary differential.

Mike Jacobs and Yusmiero Petit for Carlos Delgado? This may be a "time will tell" deal but the Mets got value for their young chips which is all you can ask if you're trading young players.

Jae Seo for Duaner Sanchez? Jae Seo is in Tampa Bay now wearing number ninety eight. Ninety Eight? Does he play for the Rays or the Bucs? Omar dealt Jae Seo at the height of his value and for a core reliever, and now Seo is on the Devil Rays wearing a dumb number. You tell me who won that trade.

Nobody's perfect. We're all still getting over the Shingo Takatsu era. And Kaz Ishii once walked every hot dog vendor at Citizens Bank Park during a two inning stint, but he only cost the Mets Jason Phillips who's so slow he'd be even money to beat Butch Huskey in a race (and have you seen Butch Huskey lately? When he played in the latest Met fantasy camp they should have re-named it "reality camp"...he's huuuuuuge!) You have to go back to the Grady Sizemore/Cliff Lee for two weeks of Bartolo Colon trade for the last true Omar Minaya disaster. Trading the Bensons for Jorge Julio almost classified as that next disaster...except for the fact that John Maine came Omar's way as well.

Neifi To The Rescue?

Today's bad omen came when I found out that a Cubs blogger gave yours truly a shout out.

As I scrolled through the Cub musings of Thunder Matt, I found an analysis of how bad a defensive player Neifi Perez was. Thirty-four major league second basemen have a better fielding percentage than Neifi. An amazing feat considering there are only thirty major league teams.

I should have known that it would be Neifi Perez to the freakin' rescue sliding and fielding the mid-hop grounder by Egg Whites that could have driven in two runs but instead brought home one and brought the Cubs one out closer to victory as the Mets were closing in on what would have been the most inspiring comeback of the season. Instead, it was just another infuriating loss to the suddenly ferocious Baby Bears.

Tom Glavine, who pitched as though the ghost of Greg Maddux was haunting him from the opposite dugout (Maddux is still alive, it's just his career that's slowly dying on the ivy), looks like he could use the extra rest that a six-man rotation will provide. Too bad that with all the old, injured, scared of rain pitchers on the Mets staff, they can probably use about a fifteen-man rotation until Omar can pull off that big humongous cataclysmic trade that some, if not all, are waiting for.

Can Jose Lima III be far behind?

One Giant Step (Backward) For Met-Kind

Just in case you forgot (and I tried my best to forget), there is an ugly side to Steve Trachsel. And you faithful viewers saw it Monday night.

Yes, it is the latest chapter in the newest mini-series entitled: "To Trade Or Not To Trade". There were many twists and turns in tonight's episode...most of them coming during the wind trajectory of the ball that Aramis Ramirez hit. Reportedly, the Mets are already planning on marking the seat that Aramis hit with a depiction of Trachsel's gas face.

It's part of the yo-yo that is the lives of Mets fans. One day, John Maine and Orlando Hernandez are pitching well, the back end of the rotation looks outstanding, and there's no need to trade for anyone. All of a sudden: Mike Pelfrey hits a snag, Steve Trachsel is giving up three home runs to the second worst home run hitting team in the National League (a team that not only is without Derrek Lee, but plays in Wrigley Field for Pete Schourek's sake), and Omar Minaya is currently driving up to Saranac Lake negotiating for the rights to exhume Christy Mathewson's remains.

Don't worry Omar, Barry Zito didn't look so hot Monday either. So his price isn't exactly going to rise at the rate of gasoline.

***

He may be slightly controversial, but Keith Hernandez reminded us all why we still love him. When looking at the list of active leaders in victories, Hernandez asked the philosophical question about one Roger Clemens that we all must ponder:

"Is Clemens considered active when he doesn't make a road trip?"

Another game winning RBI for Mex.

***

Speaking of philosophical questions, is it a coincidence that the New York Lottery has dusted off the commercial where the manager is at a news conference being asked about his error prone, .027 hitting third baseman who bought the team...just at the time where the sport of A-Rod Bashing has reached a fever pitch?

***

I had a conversation a couple of days ago with a buddy of mine...he's a huge Mike Piazza fan, but he said to me that the team is better off with Paul Lo Duca. I agreed, noting that Piazza would have given the Mets too many middle to bottom of the order hitters, and not enough top of the lineup guys. I also had said to him in the past that Lo Duca is more of a fiery leader than Piazza was.

I mention this because the guys at Faith and Fear have each delivered an inspired analysis of why we'll always love Mike Piazza, but The Undertaker is the right man at the right time.

As always, gentlemen, could not have said it better.