Thursday, August 30, 2007

Iguchi Kinda Rhymes With Taguchi

FEMA has declared the Mets clubhouse an official disaster area. Sadly, FEMA can't help them (it's just like real life).

I got calls from all across the country today to make sure I was alive.


Los Angeles.



Not that I answered the phone. You would think that people would know better than to call me fresh after a loss like that.

But one call I did take was from Art Howe. He congratulated the team for battling.

"We'll bounce back. We're not going to fold any tents." -Willie Randolph
Great, the manager has been reading the Art Howe "Book of Folksy Quotes." I give up.

Are you like me...waiting for the headline on Yahoo! Sports that says "Wagner Sets Crotch on Fire After Loss?"

(And for those who question Randolph asking Country Time to get six outs, I ask you this: Would you have trusted Aaron Heilman to face Chase Utley, Pat Burrell, and Ryan Howard?)

Just remember: they're not saying "boo", they're saying...oh I can't even finish that with a straight face. They're saying "boo".

Along with other expletives.

We're still in first place, right? Sure feels that way, don't it?

But it's the same thing every year. Mets lose "one of those games", and I get phone calls from Yankee fans all over the country asking if I'm OK, like they really f***ing care. They probably want to see me dead anyway. Whether it's Yadier Molina, or Braden Looper, or Luis Sojo doing the damage, the phone calls always come; "oh, another tough one, huh?" or, "just calling to say we suck", or "if you're in Philadelphia watching this game I'm going to shoot you".

It's the same f***ing phone calls every season. I mean, I actually wondered today what deal was made with the devil for 1969? And did the devil give a cut rate deal for my soul in exchange for '86? And then I left the house...and I saw a guy wearing a big placard hawking psychic readings by "Teresa", who apparently will show me the way to fix all of my problems. And the guy wearing the sign was also wearing a Yankee hat.

The only thing I'm asking the psychic is this: How are the Mets going to lose tomorrow?

Because it can't get any worse, can it?

Oh wait, the Mets are going to Atlanta. Damn. Time to visit the psychic.

Then I'll hit the shrink on the way back.


Demitri said...

I was at this one. I don't know what was worse, dealing with obnoxious phillies fans, or watching the conclusion in "cartoon mode" on the mets web site, because the Comcast corporation blacks out all Phillies games that appear on satellite TV. (Because I live in PA, they think I should be required to get cable and switch teams. I say screw them.

I think you and I need a break from the mets. I'm going to need therapy if this continues. GO MARLINS. (until Monday that is)

choo choo said...

I had a Yankee fan friend call me right before Iguchi's hit. Gave me the sheepish "Can you believe this?" Naturally he wasn't calling during last week's Detroit road trip.

My only regret today was that the Phanatic didn't get skulled by Burrell.

Listmaker said...

i think i would have had wagner in the 8th and heilman in the 9th to face the bottom of the order.

Anonymous said...

Willie really showed some desperation by putting Wagner in with a self-proclaimed dead arm for six outs. This with a team that had a three game lead in the division. But the question is who else do you go with?

The four games were really tough losses and it will be interesting to see how the Mets bounce back. I thought for sure last weekend the team was headed toward a double digit lead and the Yankees were about to fall out of their divisional race for the first time since 1997 (coming off of one of the worst road games for them in franchise history). I guess that's why you have to play all the games out.

I wouldn't even try to predict whether the Mets will spin in Atlanta or bounce back. Their record this year has been so skitzo.

In Met history, NOTHING has been done the easy way and this year should be no different. Clinching early and setting things up for the playoffs is a Yankee theme (although not this year).

JAMMQ said...

I wrote this yesterday on our site . . .

Maybe Willie is taking this whole "I wanna be laid back just like Joe Torre" thing too far, because it's starting to look like the "I am comatosed in the dugout" thing Art Howe had going on.

It's scary to think it might actually be true.

If Billy Wagner can't be trusted in big-time spots to get six outs then what the hell is going to happen come playoff time?

I don't know what this team is waiting for but the time for waiting is over.

I'm glad they're going to Atlanta. If they can't handle the pressure I'd rather find out now, rather than late at night during a November night, like I did last year. Fuck. Me.

Mike said...

We're not going to fold any tents

They're too busy folding laundry.

Anonymous said...

You are hysterical! Thanks for the laughs this morning. I needed them. Agree with all you said. Now let's suck it up and scalp some Braves.

Anonymous said...

Listmaker has it exactly right - bring in Wagner to face the tough part of the order, and then bring in Heilman to pitch the 9th. What's more important - protecting Wagner's statistics, or getting the win? If Heilman can't be counted on, then the Mets are in trouble. Let him do his job. Now, they go to Atlanta after being swept by Philly with their closer not available.

I'm depressed.

The Metmaster said...

On Labor Day be prepared to see the Mets in second place boys and girls. Then we'll see what the team is made of. A team assumes the personality of it's manager or coach, and unfortunately that's what's happened to the Mets. Last year was magic. Anyone could have managed the Mets and won. But this year is a whole different ballgame. Randolph has shown too many times that he's in over his head. For God's sake can he once go nuts on the field and show some emotion? I see more passion every week at the checkout in Shoprite when the scanner reads some schlub's cantalope at 99 cents a pound instead of the manager's special of 89 cents! This team is too damn laid back. Like a clubhouse full of Kevin McReynolds. It's just a matter of time before Randolph starts mumbling "we battled 'em out there". Read Dan Graziano in today's Star-Ledger. He has it right. The Mets are a paper tiger.
The construction dudes at Citi Field are going to be pretty lonely this fall.

Anonymous said...

As Herman Edwards said "You play to win the game." Lets go get those Braves.

Who woulda thunk we'd drop our 7 game lead to 2 in 5 days? So now its crunch time...

Maine has to pitch the game of his life...

Coop said...

metmaster, that's true. i used to be a checker at the supermarket and I would get customers going ape when something rang up $1.39 instead of $1.29. it's not like they don't get it for free.

Anonymous said...

Our season has come — and it's going, going, … I'll shut up now. Everyone above has made my points for me. Have a nice Labor Day Weekend everyone.