Failure And Sadness

Some guy named Patton Oswalt (no relation to Roy) did a comic bit about those KFC Famous Bowls that contain chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and gravy all in a plastic bowl. He called them piles of failure eaten from bowls of sadness.

I thought of him as reports of the Yankees entering trade talks for Johan Santana have surfaced.

Here are the Yankees, once again going after the Fillet Mignon of the trade market...and they'll probably get him too. Oh, not because the Yankees have better prospects than the Mets, but moreover because the Yankees will break out that magic spell that they use when trading for guys like David Justice and Bobby Abreu where they'll wave a piece of cheese or something in front of Bill Smith or something and say "you want to give us Johan Santana for nothing...and here's why", and they'll convince the Twins to hand over Santana for Kyle Farnsworth and an old Wall Street Journal that Mike Mussina once read.

(And speaking of Bobby Abreu, did ya happen to notice that the supposed crown jewel of that deal for the Phillies, C.J. Henry, requested his release from the Phillies so that he can re-sign with the Yankees? But no, there's no conspiracy at all, naaaah.)

Meanwhile, in the midst of our speculation regarding Santana, and Dan Haren, and even Joe Blanton, the two guys that have been most closely linked to coming to help the Mets rotation:

Freddy Garcia and David Wells.

Phenomenal. A guy who is going to miss the first three months of the season, who will probably replace the other guy after he eats and drinks himself out of the league. Talk about a failure pile in a sadness bowl.



It's a long way from Fillet Mignon, isn't it? But never fear, because you can buy 1,779 Famous Bowls with the $9,411 "prize" that each Met received for second place. You can also buy a '99 Chevy Tahoe, a John Deere X595 4wd Lawn & Garden tractor with a 62C deck, or 300 shares of WesBanco Inc, whatever that is. Don't spend it all in one place.

The Tin Foil On My Cat Keeps The Aliens Away

It was bad enough when Pat Gillick gave Bobby Abreu to the Yankees for nothing.

It was bad enough when a former Brave sabotaged the Mets playoff hopes on the last day of the season, then coincidentally expresses his desire to take less money to return to the Braves.

But now the dots are beginning to connect. Ed Wade, a former Phillies GM, in one of his first acts as current GM of the Astros, trades Brad Lidge and Eric Bruntlett to the Phillies, his former team, for Michael Bourn, Geoff Geary, and Mike Costanzo.

What, Ed Wade couldn't get Greg Luzinski's BBQ recipe and a pair of Bake McBride's old stirrups in return?

Here's what getting Brad Lidge does for the Phillies: First off, it enables the Phillies to send Brett Myers back to the rotation, strengthening that position for them. Getting Brad Lidge also, well...it gets Brad Lidge for the bullpen. Lidge, last check, still throws 95 mph+.

But here's the worst part, boys and girls: Michael Bourn going the other way in the trade means that the Phillies now have an outfield position open for...Aaron Rowand to come back. Just when we thought there was no way that there would be room for the Phillies to keep a guy who's nothing but heart, soul, guts, and a .300 average, Ed Wade makes room for them by making this ridiculous trade. Now the Phillies get Aaron Rowand back, Brett Myers makes the rotation better, and they get Brad Lidge!!!

Meanwhile, in Flushing, the Mets are re-signing old players and chasing windmills in Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada. And you want to tell me there's no conspiracy? Screw that, I'll be off covering my cat in tin foil. Don Quixote...away!