Antiquation Domination

So I'm tooling around the internets and I come across this:

"The Mets have to de-stress their baseball lives. They have a beautiful new ballpark with a beautiful new clubhouse. This isn't Shea. In the old clubhouse, The Post and other local newspapers used to be placed on a table in the middle of the room.

Now the only daily paper present is USA Today, which is part of some of the subtle changes made."

Let me be the first to say "Bravo!" Because what better way to coddle our baseball professionals and squash the notion of free speech in New York City than to only have state-sponsored print newspapers available for the working players. It's brilliant, and it's obviously necessary. It's certainly a plan with no downside.

But why stop there? As long as we're eliminating antiquated media left and right, let's ban that telegraph machine from the clubhouse. Because heaven forbid Samuel Morse sends a message telling the boys that their batting average with runners in scoring position sucks. And those rapscallions with the megaphones? Put restraining orders on all of them ... get the local police force to take care of them.

I heard that the next plan of action to make sure the players are sufficiently insulated from the unfair outside world is to ban all Pony Express deliveries from the Jackie Robinson Rotunda. That's what the Bullpen Gate is for.

Friends, we can all rejoice in the fact that not only are we raising oblivious, sheltered, perspective challenged head cases professionals who can just worry about baseball without having to hear of the criticism they obviously don't deserve to hear, but we can now commence with our own free speech initiative against the Wilpons for their past, present, and future acts. After all, it can only be assumed that they have not received the news of a brand new invention called the personal computer. It really is all the rage.

You think Jeff Wilpon was placed in one of those little leagues where everybody received trophies and they didn't keep score?