The Symmetry of Eight-Oh

Of course, it would be 8-0.

Because the first I saw of the Mets game, the score was already 8-0. This happened mere moments after I just got finished dropping some money at Harrah's in Atlantic City.

How much money, you ask? Of course ... 80 dollars.

If you close your eyes, you can distinctly make out the laughter of each individual baseball god, as they just keep throwing the fun little coincidences at me. Not enough I'm in Atlantic City ... Phillie country ... losing money and seeing more Phillies shirts and hats than I've seen in every other visit I've ever taken here combined, but this morning I wake up, flip on SportsCenter, and find myself right smack in the middle of the "Top Ten Mets F**k-Ups Of The Season" (I don't think they actually called it that.) How do you know you've had a bad season? You have enough boners for a Top Ten of the Season list all by yourself, it's only July, and Ryan Church missing third base before scoring the winning run isn't even on the list!

You know how else you know things are bad? When Manny Ramirez gets ejected from the game in the fifth inning for treating his elbow pad like a hand grenade ... and he still goes 2-for-4 with three RBI!!!

And the news doesn't get any better, as Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran are nowhere near returning, while Oliver Perez returns Wednesday to either set fire to what's remaining of his career, or pitch the best game in his life in a 1-0 Mets loss.

But just when you think your life stinks, think of the 12-year-old youth travel team in Brooklyn who showed up to the field for their scheduled game to find out all the bases were stolen and the pitching rubber was ripped out of the ground, forcing the game to be cancelled.

Perhaps similar acts of thievery are the Mets' last hope.

Unplugged

Take a look. Take a good look. This is who you lost to.

A light socket.

So let's review, the Mets lost this weekend to a pitcher who hadn't been in the majors since 2007, a 46-year-old man, and a man who once dressed as a light socket. And not just lost to them, got taken to school by them.

Forty years ago, the Mets beat the likes of Dave McNally, Jim Palmer, and Mike Cuellar in the World Series. Forty years later, the Mets can't touch Rodrigo Lopez, Jamie Moyer, and Joe Blanton. Your predecessors must be proud. I know I am.

But what do you expect when your best chance at runs is getting excited when Fernando 6-4-Tatis is batting against Chan Ho Park with a runner on base because he hit two grand slams against Park in an inning over a hundred years ago. The Mets, at this juncture, have a better chance of getting runs from a Jerry Lewis telethon than from this current roster.

Look Out, It's Skylab!

Fans who think the sky is falling can take heart: David Wright obviously agrees.

Either that, or Alex Cora thought there were pieces of Skylab still floating around in space and wanted to warn his teammate. We're really not sure.

We're not sure of anything anymore, after the Mets showed us more comedic flair in Philadelphia as they lost again to the Phillies by a score of 4-1, thanks in part to two blown foul pops which directly led to the fourth run.

But even though the Mets are acting like a slot machine on the old strip in Vegas and paying out more than the 27 outs you get at those slots at Bellagio, and even though they're doing this at the worst possible time against good teams like the Yankees and Phillies (I think I've acquired an STD just typing that last sentence), don't you worry. Because look who's riding in on his horse on Wednesday to save the day:

Oh boy ... we're screwed.

Moratorium On Optimism

This is what I get for being "uncharacteristically optimistic". I get six innings of shutout ball from Rodrigo Lopez, who's been riding buses and eating Krystal's for two years. Oh, and I get Livan Hernandez giving up seven runs in Philadelphia while wearing a red hat.

"Yeah, let's have the Mets wear the red hats while they're in Philadelphia, I don't see a problem with that."-Bud Selig ... maybe

See? I try to let loose a ray of sunshine, I get a 7-2 loss in red hats. It's my fault. No more optimism. We're done. We're not winning another game until the all-star break. And Fernando Nieve's getting lit up on national television tomorrow like a roman candle.

(Knowing full well how Fernando Nieve pitched the last time I implied he was going to get lit up during a FOX telecast. See how this works? Roman candle? Fourth of July? Ah, forget it.)

There's Some Grit In Them Furry Beasts

As if going to Pittsburgh for a one game rainout makeup isn't exciting enough, the Mets were also able to catch the phenomenon known as Anthrocon 2009, a convention where people can dress like animals. Boy, it was the club's lucky day ... let alone Kevin Burkhardt's lucky day.

This has to be the reason that Tim Redding has such an awful start today ... apparently, Redding's goatee was a keynote speaker at the event. Who knew?

But in this period of time where we're all kinda waiting for the bottom to drop out, we might be seeing the beginnings of evidence that maybe nobody should be throwing in the towel on this team just yet. Down 5-0 to the Pirates' best starter on a one-game stopover (akin to spending seven hours at Atlanta International) would have been an easy game to throw in the towel on. But not only did the Mets actually string some hits together to get some runners on base, they strung some more hits together to actually drive those runs in! Eight of them!!!

And believe it or not, at 8-5 ... even at 8-6, I didn't have that nagging feeling of doom that I usually have with this franchise. Honestly. I honestly thought there was no way that doom can befall them again. Law of averages, right?

Wrong!

Because it was then that Frankie came in with a two run lead in the ninth, and two batters later the freakin' game was tied. And not only tied, but tied by Adam "Carlos Beltran is a no-good classless goon who doesn't make enough plays to win baseball games" La Roche. If you thought I tore the house apart, not to worry. I just laughed.

However my cat, on the opening of the Furry Beast Convention, was quite pissed. So pissed in fact, that she briefly joined the Pittsburgh faithful in their heckling of Frankie.


Can you blame her? She's been through so much ... to have a blown save on a day dedicated to animal fur was just too much for her cat-like patience to take. She snapped, as I'm sure most of you did. But alas, more grit to come as Fernando Tatis was hit with a pitch to top off a big day for him, and Ryan Church drove him in to help seal the deal. And even Frankie came back to have a big tenth inning after coming within about a foot of losing the game completely in the ninth on a two-out line drive. Yes, the "resiliency" and the "grit" has been there more this season than in the last two ... but no more so than Thursday.

Unfortunately, this game probably means the Mets will be without Rodriguez's services on Friday against the Phillies. But speaking of the Phillies, I'm going to keep gettin' positive on you: Not that the Mets' three starters are any guarantees (Livan Hernandez, Fernando Nieve, and even Johan Santana isn't a guarantee these days), the Mets are facing Rodrigo Lopez (yes, Rodrigo Lopez), Jaime Moyer (who the Mets have hit this year), and Joe Blanton (who's improved lately in the way that you can improve from dog meat to merely beatable). The series is winnable, boys and girls. I know the Mets have made some struggling pitchers look like Bob Gibson, but Lopez hasn't pitched in the majors in two years. The Mets absolutely can't welcome him back to the majors by making him into a stud. And the other two pitchers aren't lights out by any means. So two out of three is not impossible (or, if you're not into double negatives, possible), especially if Tatis has indeed found his stroke and lost his looping swing.