Jackass Three: The Pitcher

Someone once said about me that "yeah you're a good writer, but you're much better when confronted with an enemy." After the better part of two seasons doing this blogging thing, having the same enemies all the time can get stale sometimes. I mean, Roger Clemens worships Satan. We know this. It's old news at this point. Bobby Bonilla? We've been through that hundreds of times. Rey Ordonez? Hating Rey Ordonez is so bourjois sometimes (I'm gonna have to call you back).

Sometimes a new enemy is needed to get the juices flowing and breathe new life into a blog...kind of like people got sick of seeing Batman fight the same three villains over and over again.

Well folks, we have our new villain.

John Thomson signed a half million dollar deal with the Toronto Blue Jays today. Apparently, Thomson's choice came down to the Jays and a return to the New York Mets. But the reason Thomson turned down the Mets major league contract offer was...Paul Lo Duca?

"As far as just looking at Paul Lo Duca across the field, I'm not really into how he acts behind the plate...I know a bit about Gregg Zaun and I know he wants to win and he's not going to let anything get in his way to do that, and I like that."

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Now I have nothing against Gregg Zaun. I know a guy who once played golf with Gregg Zaun, so I'm not going to go and rip Gregg Zaun. But may I remind you, John Thomson, that Gregg Zaun was nowhere near the playoffs last year while, alas, Paul Lo Duca was not only one game from the World Series, but drew a walk in Game 7 with the game on the line to set up Carlos Beltran's ill fated at bat? (Not to mention that Lo Duca was pinch run for so he was in no way shape or form responsible for Beltran striking out?)

And John, if you don't mind me asking, how the hell does Paul Lo Duca act behind the plate??!?

Does he sing showtunes?

Does he use the word "guestimate" when the word "estimate" would suffice?

Does his breath smell like week old yogurt that's been in the sun?

What??????????

Because wanting to win is so important to you John. And I'm trying to understand why a human being who went 2-6 with a 4.31 ERA when he had his chance to win in New York to bring the Mets back into the pennant race insinuate that another human being doesn't want to win. Did you want to win? Did you want to win when you gave up 39 runs in 54 innings? How exactly did you act while on the mound?

You acted like a country bumpkin afraid to pitch in the big city. That's how you acted. It's certainly how you pitched. It's how you pitched on August 3rd, 2002 in your Mets debut when your error allowed four runs to score before giving up a home run to Jay Bell...Jay Bell!

I'm beginning to think that the only time you're not scared is when it comes to ripping guys that you've never played with from miles away when you know they're not coming up on the interleague schedule in 2007. Now you're brave, eh? Maybe if you would have translated some of your bravery to the pitching mound when you were a Met...where your two victories came in games where you got 21 runs of support combined. Maybe you could have used some of that bravery when you were deciding where to pitch in 2003 when you couldn't wait to bolt New York to go pitch in mega-metropoli such as Arlington and Atlanta, where catchers didn't act like Paul Lo Duca and your left fielder was Shane Spencer.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the calibre of left fielder played a part in Thomson's decision? Check out this nugget of brilliance from Thomson today:

"And then with Vernon Wells in center field, I'm not really concerned about the outfield with him out there. ... Just watching the Mets' outfield, if Cliff Floyd is still there it's not a real good fit for him out there. He can hit the ball, but as far as defense, he's a little shaky."

All right John, maybe you weren't good at geography as a kid, but let me make you a few points:

1. Vernon Wells is in center field. So if you were going to compare him to someone, how about Mets center fielder and gold glove candidate Carlos Beltran? Moron.
2. Cliff Floyd isn't even going to be back with the Mets in 2007, and anyone with half a brain would know that. Moron.
3. You wish you had a left fielder that hauled his injured ass around the outfield at his top speed and dove and crashed around like Cliff Floyd. You wish that because, here's a newsflash: Cliff Floyd wants to WIN!!! And after today, Cliff Floyd also wants to shove a bat clear up your ass!
4. Have you met Endy Chavez?

Oh, and one more thing...Cliff Floyd is still a free agent, and it's a distinct possibility that he could have signed with the Blue Jays. But maybe now he isn't going to because he sees your lame ass on the mound and doesn't feel like playing behind a pitcher who demands that his outfielders are superb defensively to cover up all the mistakes you're going to make because, well, you're not that good...you moron!

And speaking of being not that good, I have one more question: Why on God's green earth did the Mets even think of signing John Thomson? To teach Mike Pelfrey how to pitch scared? To instruct Phil Humber on the finer points of ripping guys who you don't know? Because it certainly wasn't because Thomson's an ace.

Nice to know that we hear why everybody doesn't want to come to the Mets, and why everybody wants to go somewhere else. Why should John Thomson be any different?

Well he is different. Because on top of wanting to be somewhere other than here, he's a moron! And he's our new villain.

"Supercoward."