Honey, I'm Home!

Wife: Honey, is that you?
Husband: Yeah, it's me.
Wife: Where've you been?
Husband: Out walking.
Wife: Oh...(long pause)...you were with her, weren't you?
Husband: No.
Wife: Oh come on! Do you take me for a fool? I just don't do it for you anymore, do I?

I lived this conversation today. You see, this was my mistress.

My wife? The New York Mets.

Yeah, I cheated today. I cheated on the old ball and chain that I have been trying to reconcile with since April 4th. But while the Mets are the old standby that will always be there, my mistress is that once a week fling that gives me that exciting three hour date that's full of surprises.

So I cheated. I missed the Mets. I missed Tom Glavine's complete game. I missed Cliff Floyd's two run HR. I missed Victor Diaz batting second. I missed Anderson Hernandez's major league debut where he left 5 men on base.

The Mets make me a beautiful roast and I'm out having cocktails with my mistress. I come home and the roast is cold.

I do feel bad.

I feel like I have cheated on all of you.

Here are some flowers.

I'm sorry...it will not happen again.

(fingers crossed behind back)