The Musings and Prophecies of METSTRADAMUS

Grab Everything That's Not Nailed Down ...

2010-04-30T00:00:00.001-04:00

All right, everybody grab a chair, a picture, the sofa, the memorabilia, everything.

Once you've got something in your hand, come on over to the new website.

Change your bookmarks, and make yourself at home.

http://www.metstradamusblog.com/

Time Flies

2010-04-27T15:49:00.003-04:00

It was five years ago today I started this blog.

I guess today is my blogoversary.

(Editor's note: The traditional five year gift is wood. So, will you guys hit already?)

A sincere thanks to everyone who was a part of this madness, whether it be those who comment, those who link to me, those who I have befriended, and to my family who puts up with me.

I plan to commemorate this in a big way. Stay tuned ... y'all will find out soon enough.

Get Out The Swiffer Wet Jets

2010-04-26T03:04:00.000-04:00

So last week, the Mets were on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. Yesterday, the Mets were also on ESPN. And next week, the Mets play under the lights on Sunday for the third week in a row. Throw in two Monday Night Baseball appearances in that span (including another one tonight) and the country gets a steady diet of the big, bad over .500 Metropolitans from New York in April.

No wonder the terrorists want to kill us.

Joe Beningo reasons that this is because nobody wants to take a chance presenting our favorite team to the country in August and September. That's comforting. (Here's what else is comforting: Does it worry anybody else that it took an act of God to get the bullpen some rest? Raul Valdez must have summoned up some rain gods with the one pitch he threw in the sixth before the skies opened up.) But if Mike Pelfrey keeps pitching shutout ball without his best stuff then the World Wide Leader might regret making the Mets "April's Team".

After a rain soaked sweep of the Braves, the Mets are now 10-9 which is no small feat after a 4-8 start (and if you'll notice, the entire National League is just four games apart from first to last.) Who do we have to thank for this sweep? Jeff Francoeur, of course. Why? For making sure that Larry Jones (one hit and three sloppy plays this series), Jason Heyward (1 hit and 4 K's this series), and Brian McCann (infield fly vapor lock) got to the ballpark. I doubt we'll start calling him "Limo Larry" (send a limousine to make sure he gets to the park) anytime soon, but Frenchy did well to make sure these guys were present and accounted for.

And for those who don't take kindly to fraternizing with the enemy (like me), what's more dangerous: befriending Braves, or befriending aliens? With all due respect, Stephen Hawking never played against the Cardinals in the 80's.

Stimulus Splinter

2010-04-25T03:37:00.002-04:00

When last we left Ralph Kiner, he was comparing Fernando Martinez to Ted Williams.

On Saturday, Kiner was at it again ... comparing Ike Davis to Ted Williams during the SNY broadcast.

So let me get this straight, we have not one, but two Splendid Splinters in the New York Mets organization? Wow! Get that Canyon of Heroes ready for the next hundred years!

(The bad news is that in the parking lot after the game, Kiner told a fan that Frank Catalanotto, Alex Cora, Dillon Gee, his goldfish, and fagiolini rigati all reminded him of Ted Williams.)

But the fact remains, Davis has come up and been involved with five wins and only one loss with the Mets. The Stimulus has batted .350, cleared the bullpen with a home run, saved Snoop Manuel's job, fixed Oliver Perez's control, used mind tricks on Yunel Escobar, ended Jason Bay's slump, turned Henry Blanco into Rickey Henderson, optimized the batting lineup, and made Larry Jones drop that infield fly on Friday. All that's left for Davis to do now is put more Mets pictures on the walls of the ballpark, revamp the tiered pricing system, and end poverty and hunger in the inner cities. Who says he can't do it? He already has the Ted Williams swing down. The rest should be easy.

Historical Perspective

2010-04-24T03:46:00.001-04:00

Larry Jones once said that Mets fans booing him and chanting his name (his real name) motivated him to do well.

At no point was that more evident to me than on February 29, 2008, when I was in Orlando chanting Larry's name so loud at a spring training game that I could be heard all the way back in New York ... if you turned on ESPN's coverage of the game. Could a professional baseball player be motivated by taunts during a spring training game, you ask? Well, Larry went 2-for-3 in that meaningless game so you tell me.

In the years that have passed since Larry made his "Yankee gear" crack, the booing, chanting, and general hate has subsided. It's a tad disappointing when you put that up against Brewers fans booing Gary Sheffield furiously 17 years after he admittedly threw balls into the fifth row of the stands. But it happened. Maybe part of it is a brand new ballpark taking the focus away from rattling the opponent and shifting it towards the Acela Club. Or maybe it's because that brand new ballpark that replaced the old ballpark that Larry named his kid after because he practically freakin' owned it.

That's what makes it ironic that it was Citi Field that has now housed Jones' most frustrating game vs. the Mets to date which included a foul pop that fell inches in front of Larry, and a bizarre infield fly where Jones dropped the wind blown pop-up, and Brian McCann went to tag the runner who was already out while Angel Pagan raced to the vacated home plate (Angel Pagan? Heads up baserunning? Is this Bizarro Pagan?) with the fourth run of the game (McCann was obviously returning the favor that David Cone paid to the Braves in 1990.) But with the atmosphere ripe for a famous "Laaaaaaa-rryyyyyyy" chant, none was to be heard, at least audibly on television. Has the ballpark finally softened Met fans? Have we finally learned how to tame the beast that is Larry Jones? Or is Larry just getting old? (He gets older on Saturday ... and he's 9-1 on his birthday. Uh-oh.) Or are the burgers just really, really good?

It was merely the biggest and strangest of twists in a 5-2 win that featured more of them than the most recent episode of Survivor (J.T. ... dude.) Between Larry's fly pop follies, Bizarro Pagan's heads up baserunning play, Stimulus' first career bomb that almost hit the bridge, and Hisanori Takahashi coming to the rescue of John Maine and his two arms which both refuse to cooperate, who the hell can remember that Jose Reyes batted third?

Drawing The Long Straw

2010-04-23T03:01:00.000-04:00

You were scared, weren't you?

So was I, when it was 0-0 in the sixth and people were wondering about another 20 inning game to the point that they were taking bets on what would happen first, the Mets game ending or the Jets picking at 29.

But Johan Santana would get his run support to ensure that there would be no lengthening of Thursday night's game. Instead, Frankie Rodriguez lengthened his efforts for a five out save (first since July 2nd of 2005), and the Mets won their first series of the season against the Cubbies with a 5-2 win.

And now, the Mets move on to face the Braves, where rumor has it that Snoop Manuel will unveil his new lineup with Jose Reyes at the third spot. Will it be Lineup 2.0? Or will it be more like Lineup Vista? In any event, Snoop hopes that Reyes in the three hole will "lengthen the lineup" (if Stimulus keeps going 3-for-4 that should lengthen the lineup far enough). This is all very phallic to me, and I'm scared that Mets games are going to be played at 2AM and sponsored by Extenze.

I guess anything is better than those anti-smoking commercials. Hey, I'm anti-smoking too but, gross.

Low & Slow

2010-04-22T03:34:00.002-04:00

With Jeff Francoeur mired into an 0-for-18 slump heading into Wednesday night, and David Wright slumping worse than Julian Tavarez in a singles bar, it was time for Howard Johnson to organize another one of those barbecues. They worked so well on Francoeur at the beginning of the season that the boys ordered out from Hill Country BBQ in the city.

Problem was ... the BBQ was delivered to the wrong clubhouse. And Carlos Silva ate it all. To make matters worse, barbecue for Silva is like spinach for Popeye. How else could Silva give up only two hits and two walks in six innings? That's right ... lots of meat. And chicken.

And macaroni and cheese.

What? It can't be because the Mets' lineup has the consistency of runny eggs. Nah, I refuse to believe that.

Worst part is, now Snoop's postgame newsers are like watching an ant drown in honey thrashing his arms around begging for a life raft (enjoying the food references?) hoping the right answer will turn on a faucet full of runs. Last night, he talked about breaking up Frenchy (now 0-for-22) and Jason Bay like they were troublemakers throwing firecrackers at a fourth grade ballet recital. You know what that means ... that's right. First lefty stick with a high strikeout rate gets a job in the middle of the order. Line forms to the left. Woo hoo!

Can't we blame Oliver Perez for this? It's so much more fun when it's Ollie's fault. I mean, he wasn't that great, but he wasn't that much worse than what Jon Niese was the other night. He didn't completely implode, and he didn't hang himself with his own intestines on the mound. So that in itself is a moral victory.

No, I can't in good conscience lay false blame. The Mets lineup would do better to stride to the plate and try to hit Silva with a side of beef.

Hit this, Bluto.

Relaxation: Good For Some, Not For All

2010-04-21T02:52:00.001-04:00

Who knew that all a guy who sat on the couch for three weeks needed was a day off?

It's funny how that works, but whatever works is fine with me.

Between Jose Reyes' extra day off on Monday, and Mike Pelfrey's one less day off on Saturday, everything comes out even and the Mets get another needed win against the Cubs. Reyes gets four hits and two RBI, and Pelfrey has another stellar outing with seven scoreless innings. This is starting to look like a 2008 type run for Pelfrey, who might have to relieve more on his throw days, now that Ryota "Swallows Man" Igarashi has gone and tweaked his hamstring enough to earn an MRI later today. Oh, and Carlos Beltran has been pushed back in his quest to start baseball related activities. This is starting to look like a 2009 type run.

By the way, did you know that in the world of buzzwords, Baseball Related Activities are the new Cortisone Shots?

Puppet State

2010-04-20T18:13:00.000-04:00

As a Met fan I know, realistically, that being happy is something that comes fleetingly these days. And that when the Met fan in me is happy, I expect a cold bucket of water to douse that flame of glee.

Joel Sherman's framing of Omar Minaya as the culprit behind Ike Davis' hurried call-up might be a bit off, but it serves its purpose as cold water. And the fact that Davis' day was unnecessarily a long one isn't what caught my eye from Sherman's blog:

"Mets general manager Omar Minaya told me he did not make his series of calls to get ownership's blessings, and to explain the plan to Jerry Manuel and others in the organization until yesterday morning. So instead of making a crown jewel's first day in the majors easier, the Mets turned it into an obstacle course."

Remember this. Remember this when Minaya gets fired, and you're all having your "Fire Omar" parties and you're shooting fireworks off your roof with the Gruccis. Remember that every move that Omar makes, good or bad, and the moves the he makes that will eventually get him fired one day, has to go through and be approved by ownership. While you may focus on the fact that Minaya didn't call for ownership's blessing until Sunday, I focus on the fact that Minaya has to get ownership's blessing to call up a minor league player in the first place.

I find it hard to believe that this happens everywhere in major league baseball. If I'm wrong, then please enlighten me. They have final say to the point where Minaya can't even make a call-up without calling Jeffy. Remember that the reason that Ike Davis was preparing to bat cleanup for the Bison in the morning only to fly to New York to prepare to hit sixth was because the Mets' general manager has to ask for "ownership's blessings" when it comes to trades, call-ups, pitch counts, and whether he's going to have the soup or the salad with his dinner.

Remember this when the next GM comes in and has the same puppet-like restrictions, and we wonder in five or six years why absolutely nothing has changed.

Stimulating

2010-04-20T01:50:00.001-04:00

It had to be a long, long day for Ike "The Stimulus" Davis. At 11AM Monday morning, he's batting cleanup for the Bisons.

(Editor's note: Isn't the plural of "Bison" just plain "Bison"? I mean, you spend money on a minor league jersey and it prominently displays bad grammar? What are we teaching our young players? What are we teaching the youth of America? Oh well, if you can have a grammatically incorrect professional team like the Maple Leafs, who really should be the Maple Leaves, then I guess you can have Bisons. Okay, I'm done.)

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself:

At 11AM Monday morning, Ike Davis is batting cleanup for the Bison for a 1:00 start. His day ends as the sixth hitter for the New York Mets in a game that ended with two hits, a run knocked in, and a pie in the face from Jeff Francoeur at about a quarter past ten. I go that long without a nap and I get cranky. I'm sure the last thing that The Stimulus is feeling is cranky.

You can't get much better than two hits and a pie in your major league debut. Hell the pie was probably the first true smile that Met fans have had in a long, long time (I don't count that Nelson Figueroa pie last season ... that was more of a "thank God this abortion of a season is finally finished" pie.) But as "feel-good" as it was, this may have been the pie that made pies passe. Think about it, if Stimulus knew the pie was coming five seconds before it actually hit him, then that means the pie has become way too predictable. Either that, or Francoeur has become way too predictable.

Dousing him with the grounds keeper's hose ... now that's a postgame celebration, my friends.

But seriously, it isn't like that pie was Ike's introduction to Frenchy. Jeff was all over him all pregame with smiles and hugs as that's obviously a relationship that has blossomed this spring. At least Davis has somebody that will show him the ropes and teach him not so much how to play baseball, but how to be a major leaguer. That's an advantage for Davis. And with Frenchy only being three years older than Stimulus, they can discuss similar things like God O' War 3, Beavis and Butthead, and Ultimate Fighting. Eventually, these are the guys that are going to bring back the hotfoot. And Howard Johnson can sure as hell coach that.

Oh yeah, there's the matter of how Davis actually played.

They kept talking about John Olerud. Olerud in 1999 helped make probably the most perfectly constructed lineup that the Mets have had. Not the best, or most productive lineup, mind you ... but the construction of it was classic from 2-5 with Alfonzo, Olerud, Piazza, and Ventura. Lefty, righty, lefty, righty, all prototypes of what those batting slots should have. Ironically, what that lineup probably could have used was a guy like Frenchy batting sixth (too bad he was only 15 years old at the time.) And it's that construction that has obviously spoiled Snoop Manuel as he's tried to make Mike Jacobs into Robin Ventura by batting him fourth and fifth all season. (Ventura once hit a grand slam single ... Jacobs once had a grand slam breakfast at Denny's. Similarities end there.)

If Davis is anywhere near Olerud, I think we'd take that ... at least until he goes 0-for-10 against the Phillies, then we'll start complaining again. But there was a shade of Olerud in his game tonight. The long reach. The sweet classic lefty swing. And in the seventh inning, the ability to hang in on a curveball to ground it into center field after getting pushed off the plate by an inside curveball the pitch before. That's usually the benchmark in whether a rook is ready, how he responds to that. Davis did well. He stepped in the bucket a little bit on that pitch, so he has a ways to go. But he didn't look completely overmatched. As we move forward the next two weeks, that could change. He'll see Carlos Zambrano. He may see Derek Lowe or Tim Hudson. He may see Jonathan Broxton. All vets with either a clue, or with unbelievable stuff. We'll see what The Stimulus can create out of that the next week or so.

The best thing to happen on Ike's first night in the majors was that the night ended. Now, Davis can be a major league ballplayer instead of the looming savior that he has been made out to be since spring training ended. Having to hear about LeBron James every day for the six months leading up to his NBA debut and then having the entire day of James' debut be dedicated to a guy who had never played a professional athletic competition in his life drove me absolutely nuts. For crying out loud his nickname was "King" and he had done nothing except dunk on a bunch of 15-year-olds a foot shorter than him. That kind of lead-up and hype drives me unbelievably insane. But the best part of James' debut was that from that moment on, he was an NBA player, like every other NBA player. Now that he's among the best if not the best that the NBA has to offer, he deserves all the hype he gets.

My disclaimer here is that I'm not, repeat: not comparing Ike Davis to LeBron James or his baseball equivalent. But the hype that Davis was getting was morphing into a local version of the national attention that LeBron got. Between Mike Francesa doing an entire segment devoted to Ike Davis on his show every day to the constant mentions of his call up during the pre-game show to having hoards of media surrounding him when he steps out of the dugout can be a little much. Perhaps it was that hype that pushed the Mets to call him up in the first place. But now that he's played his first game, all that stops. He can now be a major leaguer instead of a mythical creature. (I guess you can say the Mets released the Kraken.) That can only be good for him as he can now put smiles on our faces for his production with the Mets, rather than put agita in your coffee cup for the things he was doing in Buffalo.

It'll be fun watching him take the next step in his career ... such as what Jon Niese did tonight. Niese wasn't dominating as he gave up eight hits and walked three in his 5 and 2/3's tonight. But what he did was get himself in trouble, and then get himself out of trouble by coming after guys and being aggressive. He wasn't scared of throwing any of his pitches, whether they be heat or off-speed, in the strike zone. Now you might say that it's a trait that only makes him better than say, Alay Soler, and you would be right. But what Niese showed Monday is that while he's going to have those struggles as he did against Colorado, he's also going to have those games where he's going to battle and give you good innings. And that those games might out-number the struggles if only by a little. From Niese, that's all you can ask for. He's also got a ways to go, but he took a step forward.

Oh, and Angel Pagan hit a big home run. It's an opportunity to tell you that when I was in Washington last season, a few Mets were kind enough to sign a baseball for me. Angel Pagan was signing too, right before the game. He had to get to the dugout as the anthem was done and he was leading off the game. But he said "I've got time for one more." Standing near him was me ... and a nine-year-old girl.

I just walked away. That's a war I can't win.

For People Who Communicate Not Good

2010-04-19T01:42:00.006-04:00

"But I am throwing my fastball." -John Maine to Dan Warthen during a trip to the mound on Sunday night.

Not that I necessarily trust the lip reading skills of Joe Morgan, but ...

Uh-oh.

And not for nothing, if there was ever a time to cover your mouth with your glove when you speak, that would have been it, no?

It's never a good thing when you have a Brewster's Millions moment on the mound where the pitcher throws his fastball and the announcer calls it a changeup, along with everyone on both benches. It sure isn't a good thing if your pitching coach thinks you're throwing a change-up. And you know what's really scary? Not only is it my second Brewster's Millions reference regarding that particular scene, but I'm not even the first person to make a John Maine/Brewster's Millions connection this week!

Yeah, uh-oh.

That Maine actually got through the fourth inning scoreless was something of a feat, much like the feat that Mets pitchers pulled off this weekend of minimizing Albert Pujols' damage. Think about this for a second: Pujols was 2-for-14 this weekend with four walks. And the Mets dropped two out of three. That's like getting Shakira's phone number and transposing two of the digits while putting it in your cell.

But the fifth inning was Maine's undoing as a walk, single and Colby Rasmus' three run dinger put Maine out to pasture. And once Adam Wainwright found his groove against a lineup that featured Frank Catalanotto in the clean-up spot, you knew it was over. You weren't sure whether it would take 8 and a half innings via a Ryan Ludwick home run, or 24 innings after Blake Hawksworth no-hits them for nine innings after Tony La Russa says he's not available, but eventually the Mets were going to be toast. That I was happy the game wrapped up promptly so that I could catch the Sharks/Avalanche game is a distressing sign on my part.

In a related story, the lineup probably isn't going to feature Catalanotto in the clean-up spot much longer as the club is doing the deed and bringing up Ike Davis. Something tells me that the Mets actually wanted to keep Davis down and let him dominate AAA for a little while longer. But that the sorry state of first base combined with the desperation of the front office and coaching staff to keep their jobs has expedited the process. I'll admit it. The recent rushing of prospects has made me gun shy about bringing these guys up too soon. But at least Davis is a college product and he's 23. And by all accounts he's projected in that "very good to special" category. I hate that Chris Carter is never going to get a chance with the Mets, which means that the Billy Wagner trade is now officially botched forever dooming Carter to Val Pascucci status unless they can now find a trade partner for him. But if Ike Davis is ready, then this is the move to make ... even if it is for the wrong reasons.

If ... he's ready.

Ike Davis: "The Stimulus"

Now as long as Davis isn't brought up to fall victim to a straight platoon with Fernando Tatis or a Snoop Manuel quadruple switch, he'll be fine.

Jake And The Bat Man

2010-04-18T17:28:00.001-04:00

I guess it was unreasonable to designate Mike Jacobs for assignment immediately after flying out against a middle infielder during last night's "Ulti-Met Classic" (maybe only for the pitchers). But apparently the Mets and I are on the same wavelength (and if that doesn't scare the hell out of you, then I don't know what will) as Jacobs has been designated for assignment. That assignment: learn how to raise his batting average against middle infielders (or: BAAM!).

Tobi Stoner gets the call as he'll probably be called on for extensive duty out of the pen with just about everyone needing a rest (Tom Gorman's arm got tired just watching that game.) Perhaps Snoop is comfortable with Alex Cora backing up Fernando Tatis at first base after Cora's dive into the stands last night (and if that doesn't scare the hell out of you, then I truly don't know what will). Or perhaps ...

Perhaps after Stoner returns to Buffalo there will be a spot for the Animal, Chris Carter ... especially if the Mets still want to be cautious with Ike Davis, which I would have no problem with. To me, Carter's presence on the roster allows you to treat Davis with kid gloves. We know Ike's time is coming. He deserves every chance to be prepared so when he does hit the majors, he hits the majors to stay.

And Carter deserves a chance to be a Met. Tomorrow. Make it happen.

Supersize Me

2010-04-18T04:39:00.002-04:00

Very few baseball games exist that can turn me into a laughing hyena, an angry pyromaniac, and a babbling idiot. Most games accomplish one of the three. Some may hit two of those emotions. Rarely the hat trick. But a 20-inning game just about did it.

Top 1:

Who, exactly, is Jamie Garcia?

Bottom 1:

Skip Schumaker doubles, and there are Nyjer Morgan flashbacks. But Santana settles down and goes through the middle of the order in good shape.

Top 3:

Another 1-2-3 inning. Noticed that former Met Gary Bennett turns 38.

Top 4:

Still nothing against Garcia. Jason Bay's average plummeting faster than the stock market.

Top 5:

Crap, we're about to be no-hit by Jamie Garcia. No no-hitters in 48 seasons and we're going to have the deed done to us by Jamie Garcia. Laughter commences at the mere thought.

Bottom 5:

Here I start to think that Johan Santana is going to get screwed somehow. He's pitching too well. Somebody is going to blow it for him.

Top 6:

Hey, a hit! It's a Christmas Miracle!!!

Bottom 6:

Santana knifes through the middle of the order. So much for Pujols' success against Johan.

Top 7:

Jason Bay flies out to deep right. That ball must have been knocked down by the volcanic ash.

Top 10:

It's mentioned to me that a team that holds Albert Pujols and company to zilch through nine innings deserves to win. I mention that a team that gets one hit off Jamie Garcia for seven innings deserves to lose.

That must be why they call me Mr. Sunshine.

Bottom 10:

Alex Cora comes in for his third ever appearance at first base, and saves the day by making a leaping catch into the stands with the bases loaded and two outs. City of St. Louis groans, then thinks "Hey, Sam Bradford is going to need a receiver."

Top 11:

You know in the good ol' days, the Mets have torched the likes of Mitchell Boggs. Now, Boggs reminds us that even 2008 is a long ways away, as he gets the Mets down rather easily. Oh, and Corporal, you're not helping.

Bottom 11:

1-2-3 inning. Gary Bennett turns 42.

Top 12:

Ubaldo Jimenez finishes up his no-hitter against the Braves. One no-hitter in 18 years for Colorado. None in 48 for the Mets. This can't be a good omen.

Bottom 12:

How many bodies would have flown off the bridge if the Mets walked Albert Pujols to get to the pitcher, and Jason Motte beats them with a base hit?

Top 13:

John Maine runs for Rod Barajas. Thankfully, he didn't leave a trail of puke behind.

Top 14:

Blake Hawksworth comes in to pitch. I still think he's a Harvey Birdman character. He strikes out Mike Jacobs. Chris Carter hit .414 in the spring. Just thought I'd bring that up.

Bottom 14:

Once again, Pujols is walked for the pitchers' spot. My heart, once again in my throat as my brain thinks "This is it. Blake Hawksworth is going to win the game for the Cardinals and then waltz back into the romance novel he came from." Thankfully, disaster is avoided.

Top 15:

1-2-3 inning. Jon Niese pinch hits, actually has a good stroke going for him ... well, relative to the rest of the team, anyway.

The Mets now have four hits in fifteen innings. Gary Bennett turns 44.

Bottom 15:

Jenrry Mejia comes into the game and gets through the 15th without soiling himself. Nice to see a rookie make strides.

Top 16:

Mike Jacobs gets the first sacrifice bunt in his life. I look out the window to make sure there are no pigs with wings.

Bottom 16:

La Russa burns his last position player, and Ryan Ludwick burns a chance to win by Paganing himself out of the inning between third and home.

Top 17:

The Canadiens/Capitals game, which started at 7:00, and goes to overtime, ends. This game, which puts me closer to hell with every inning, lives on.

Bottom 17:

Raul Valdez comes into the game. Surely, this has to be it. This has to be the game. Okay, I'm prepared. Just make the death quick and painless, would ya?

Death won't come. Valdez actually has a curveball tonight.

Top 18:

La Russa's trying to give the Mets the game. Felipe Lopez, who hit a grannie to beat the Mets on Friday, is on the hill on Saturday. And he's throwing slop. But the only hit the Mets get is by Valdez (who Lopez hit the grannie off of ... irony), who's thrown out trying to go to second on a bad throw. Up until this point, I am thinking that there's I'm not going to be too upset if the Mets drop this game. Now, now that the Mets can't muster up a simple rally off a position player, that's out the window.

Mike Jacobs flies out to end the inning off of Lopez, who gets through the 18th scoreless. Proof that there's no justice in the world: Jacobs wasn't released before he hit the dugout.

Bottom 18:

I run outside with a glove and a ball because all the junk I've been told about how baseball is a hard game, and how there's no way in the world a regular joe could strike out a major league hitter is blown to bits. If Felipe Lopez can set the Mets down meekly, surely there's hope for me. I'm officially in training.

By the end of the 18th, however, I've blown out my arm. Prevention and Recovery my ass.

Top 19:

"Hey Dave, check this ... I'm going to put a center fielder in to pitch, and put a pitcher in left field. If this works, I'm going to be the greatest f***ing genius of all time! THE GREATEST, I say!" -Tony La Russa

I make up my mind that if the Mets go two innings without scoring a run off two different position players, I would take a torch to Citi Field. There would be no more Shake Shack, no more Beers of the World, and the only delicacy in the outfield would be Charred Home Run Apple. It would all be gone and the Mets would have to finish out the season playing their games in the Ebbets Field apartment complex. Then the Wilpon's dream will truly come true. However, lives are spared as the Mets score the first run of the game against La Russa's plan to have a pitcher play the outfield and an outfielder pitch, which was almost as good a plan as double switching Matt Holliday out of the game ensuring that Pujols would see nothing but walks in front of whatever pitcher has to bat (Editor's update: Okay, Tony gets a pass on that since Holliday was still sick). They still can't get a clean hit off of a position player, but at least Luis Castillo lays down a beautiful sacrifice bunt. Nice that the Mets can execute fundamentals with a center fielder on the mound.

Bottom 19:

In fairness to Frankie Rodriguez, he probably threw about 100 pitches in the bullpen warming up, sitting down. Warming up, sitting down.

That said, the Mets all star closer gave up the same amount of runs as the position player did in the top of the inning, by giving up the tying run on a Yadier Molina base hit. The fact that Frankie warmed up seventeen times didn't help fade away the Aaron Heilman flashbacks. At the end of the inning, Frankie points to the sky, as per custom. Why would he do this?

Because he was thanking the Good Lord that Ryan Ludwick was thrown out stealing second ... and that I couldn't possibly fly to St. Louis and set fire to his jockstrap with him in it.

Top 20:

Pagan reaches on an infield single, and Jacobs hits the first ball out of the infield off a position player. I still want him cut.

Jose Reyes hits a sac fly to give the Mets the lead again. A sac fly ... off Joe Mather. Not a hit ... a sac fly. Reyes, 0 for 7, is now being considered for 10th in the lineup. Jeff Francoeur disagrees.

Bottom 20:

Mike Pelfrey volunteers to come into the game, and after a quick two-out rally, the Mets finally end this and come away with a 2-1 win. That's two runs, off two position players, on three lousy hits off of them. And people wonder why Met fans are so bitter. Imagine if the Mets had lost ... where would this have ranked on the all-time gut wrenching loss list? Top ten? Top five? And how is it that this may wind up being the wackiest game you've ever seen in your life, and the one player on the roster that had nothing to do with it was Oliver Perez? Now that's irony.

At the end of the game, Gary Bennett turned 50.

And Omar Minaya signed him to a three year deal.

This One Cuts Deep

2010-04-17T01:54:00.001-04:00

This is what happens when Raul Valdez's glass slipper breaks.

Well now the season is truly underway, isn't it? Now that the Mets have had their first true kick in the stomach, we're now officially wading waist deep into the season. There's no turning back to shore now. It's onward to the ocean floor without a life raft.

For me, I think we're now starting to see how a front office and a manager can lose ballgames. Omar Minaya, bless his heart, having been hamstrung by ownership's budget, couldn't bring in a quality lefty for the bullpen to complement Pedro Feliciano. Instead, he borrows one from the Mexican league. Nobody, not even Gary Cohen had heard of Raul Valdez when he made his spring training debut in mid-March. Despite that fact, he made the Mets roster ... which tells you something about how easy it must have been to make the roster.

But when you keep relying on Mexican league castoffs when your ace bullpen lefty looks like death, you're going to get burned more often than you should in a 162 game season. You aren't going to be burned all time time, but in a league where the difference in talent can come down to a few pitches here and there (like the one Valdez threw to Felipe Lopez for the deciding grand slam), you will be burned enough times to make the difference between being in contention for a wild-card spot, and battling the Nationals for fourth place. This is why the Phillies can survive injuries to Jimmy Rollins, Joe Blanton, J.C. Romero and Brad Lidge and go 8-2, while the Mets have Raul Valdez.

Also, when you consistently rely on the likes of Mike Jacobs and Fernando Tatis, you will be burned. But when Jacobs is placed higher in the order than the white hot Jeff Francoeur by the manager, then there's plenty of flame to go around. Jacobs ended the Mets' first inning rally with a strikeout with Frenchy on deck. Then, with Dennys Reyes coming in to face Jacobs in the all important eighth inning rally, Tatis comes up to pinch hit and he strikes out. The alternative would have been Frenchy batting in that spot and facing the righty, Blake Hawksworth.

(Wait a second ... Blake Hawksworth??? Come on. That's not a real person. That was the name of a villian in "Spenser: For Hire". Or Joan Collins' love interest in "Dynasty". Or a Peter Griffin muse in "Family Guy". I mean, are the Mets this bad that they can't muster up a rally against a fictional character???)

Now don't get me wrong. Ultimately, it's players who win or lose ballgames. I believed it when Willie Randolph was making questionable moves/non-moves with the bullpen, and I believe it now. But the people in charge aren't helping any. Friday night was proof.

The shame of it all was that the good Oliver Perez actually showed up to the ballpark tonight. We haven't seen Good Ollie for a long time! For all we know Good Ollie was on a Himalayan expedition since 2008. And this is how he gets treated upon his return? He'll never come back after this. He was shaky in the first couple of innings (walking the immortal Allen Craig in the first inning with first base open and some guy named Pujols on deck had me inventing new curse words) but finished brilliantly. Oliver Perez did this.

And yet, the fruit of his labor was the pumpkin that Raul Valdez's limousine turned into before midnight could cast it's shadow on St. Louis. It was so bad that I wanted to vomit voluntarily ... but there wasn't an 11-year-old in the immediate area so I passed.

The Lot Is Empty

2010-04-15T21:20:00.002-04:00

Hey, what's missing from this picture?

Oh yeah, Mike Pelfrey.

Last season he had an outing so bad he felt he needed to go Grete Waitz around the Coors Field parking lot. Today, all he needed was a victory lap after going seven shutout innings giving up five hits and walking ... none. Mike Pelfrey is now 2-0, and I fear he's going to have to go undefeated to give the Mets a chance at the playoffs. He's off to a fine, fine start. Victory laps for everyone.

And outside of Luis Castillo stealing second base while Jose Reyes was retreating to the same base (fundamental much, guys?), there was really not much to complain about. I could wax poetic on how 5-0 could have easily been 10-0, but I'm not a poet, and I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. 5-0 is mighty nice. And 3-6 is much better than 2-7, so I'll save my complaints for another day. Can't waste them all in April, right? Besides, Oliver Perez faces Albert Pujols tomorrow. I have a feeling the complaint box will be full.

Indefensible

2010-04-15T03:00:00.000-04:00

I don't know why Fernando Tatis is on this team.

I think he's finished.

If I became the GM of the Mets, move one is to present Tatis with a gold watch and a donation to his church (not Ryan Church), and send him on his merry way.

All of that said, I would still rather have Tatis in the hole to pinch hit against Manny Corpas than to inexplicably have him pinch run for Mike Jacobs as the winning run.

I'm not one to dissect in-game moves a whole bunch, and I know it didn't have a whole lot to do with the outcome of the game. But if somebody can tell me what Gangsta was thinking on this one, I'd love to for you to tell me. Is Tatis that much faster than Jacobs to justify wasting his bat off the bench to pinch run for Jacobs, and forcing Alex Cora to bat against Randy Flores? And why did Snoop wait until the count was 2-2 on Rod Barajas to make that change? Did he just watch Rocky II where Mickey waited until the 15th round to switch Balboa back to southpaw?

Worst case scenario: Cora is announced as the pinch hitter for Ryota Igarashi, Jim Tracy brings in Flores to face Cora, Tatis pinch hits for Cora, Flores intentionally walks Tatis, and Corporal faces Flores or whatever righty Tracy wants to bring in with the bases loaded. And you still leave Jacobs in the game because all the lefties have been burned with Franklin Morales having been used.

Or hell, Tatis doesn't even have to pinch hit for Cora, as Cora is actually a decent hitter against lefties (.273 lifetime, .292 in 2009). But why back yourself into that corner? Why not give yourself options? Why expose your queen when your rooks are still in play?

(Editor's note: I suck at chess, so that analogy probably made no sense to you chess aficionados. I apologize in advance.)

Instead, Snoop tries to gain three tenths of a second by pinch running Tatis, and Alex Cora lines out meekly to second base, and the Mets lose because Jenrry Mejia hyperventilates at his first close game situation and gives up a tenth inning bomb to Chris Ianetta. Oh, and a late inning comeback goes down the drain as the Mets fall to 2-6. Yeah, that worked out well.

I ... Hate ... Everything About You

2010-04-14T03:44:00.000-04:00

I knew it was a bad sign when Brian Bannister, who was a Met many moons ago, turned in a dazzling start for the Royals today while the Mets have been struggling to find starters who could give any sort of consistant effort. If John Maine had turned in an acceptable effort, there would have been no need to invoke Bannister's name (or image).

Instead, Maine gives up eight runs in three innings en route (or is that rout) to an 11-3 loss in Denver ... and I start to long for pitchers from a bygone era.

After the game, Maine said that he "hates everything about himself." (And you thought it was just the fans who are self-loathing.) Forget his starting spot being in jeopardy, Maine sounds like somebody that could use a lesson in how to love himself again ... in the minor leagues.

Bobby Jones did it.

Steve Trachsel did it.

Both came out of it for the better. If Maine's delivery is in fact all over the place, then he needs to go somewhere and figure it out. A little scary since he recently came off a period of time that was invented for "figuring it out" (you know this as "spring training"). But in this, the most important April road trip in the history of April road trips, the Mets can't afford to let him figure it out against the Rockies, Albert Pujols, Howard and Utley, or the '79 Pirates.

Maine is going so bad that not only did Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez take calls from fans during the game who are wondering if the team needs to see a sports psychologist, but Keith is telling the masses "not to think too much", while using words like "primordial" which causes the fans to think too much about what that word actually means. When you come up with a performance which causes Keith to contradict himself in the same sentence, then it's time for some minor league rehab of the mental variety.

(And maybe Luis Castillo could use some mental health time too after going nuclear in the dugout after being nailed trying to stretch a single to a double in the sixth ... I mean, seriously now. Talk all you want about the fans losing their minds in the second week of the season but for Greg Smith's sake you have John Maine who hates himself, and Castillo who is throwing tantrums and it's April 13th! Who, exactly, are the crazy ones here?)

King Cranky

2010-04-12T03:00:00.001-04:00

Johan Santana losses are like twice the size of a normal loss. That's the burden that Santana carries on this team, much like the burden that Henrik Lundqvist perpetually carries for the New York Rangers. As a goalie for a team that is scoring challenged, chances are that if King Henrik isn't spectacular, the Rangers lose. Unfortunately there are too many nights where King Henrik is spectacular, but the Rangers still lose. Sunday's winner take all for the playoffs, unfortunately, was a prime example.

For Johan Santana, it might be worse. At lease Lundqvist can start 85% of his team's games and win 35 games a year. If Johan could win 35 games a year maybe Met fans wouldn't worry so much. But he can't. And now that he's suffered a strange loss against the Washington Nationals, we know that we aren't going to see him again until Friday or Saturday. And coming off a loss heading into a series against a playoff team on the road and throwing John Maine, Jon Niese, and Mike Pelfrey at the Rockies, Sunday's loss hurts more.

Santana wasn't spectacular on Sunday. The surprise wasn't that Johan gave up a long ball, the surprise was the road to that homer, which was a triple to Nyjer Morgan and two walks. Santana is prone to the long ball early in the season, but usually they're solo shots. Though I suppose that if Felix Hernandez can hit a grand slam off Santana then Josh Willingham certainly can.

But when Santana isn't spectacular, and certainly when he shorts out in the first inning, it had to deflate the team. On the one hand, it could be correct to say that Santana could have had one of those Lundqvist games today where he was spectacular and they still would have lost because the Mets couldn't get a good shot at Livan Hernandez. But is it? Could Johan's freaky first have deflated the Mets to the point where the entire lineup pressed at the plate against Livan's slow pitch softball stuff?

And that brings me to another point, if Snoop Manuel was right in saying that the team was "unprepared" to hit Livan Hernandez, a guy that most of this lineup played with last season, then that's on Snoop and his coaches. If, however, Bob Ojeda was correct on the postgame show in saying that the Mets were in fact prepared but were simply pressing too much against Livan, who was clearly taking advantage of that, then that begs the following question: What the hell game is Snoop watching???

The Rangers?

And for the lack of a segue that works, let me say this: If Willie Harris wants to flatter himself and think that Frankie Rodriguez plunked him in the ninth inning because he made a game saving catch on Saturday, then let him do so. But if he's going to bark at Frankie for a pitch that hit his arm in an area that was just off the inner half, then he deserves whatever he gets.

Yes, I'm crawling back into "Baseball needs to be more like it was in the 80's" mode, so pay close attention: If I'm Frankie, I go one step further than simply saying "f**k you" to Harris a couple of times, and put one right in Nyjer Morgan's back after that. Willie wants to bitch and moan? Give him something to bitch and moan about. Now, I know what you're going to say: "Oh Metstradamus that's extreme! Nyjer Morgan didn't do anything!" Or: "What if Morgan charges the mound and Frankie hurts his arm?" Or: "What if the Nats retaliate and David Wright gets hit in the head again?" Valid points. I'm not Frankie Rodriguez. I don't have to be concerned with my long term health put in the hands of doctors who will probably have their recommendations squashed by ownership. All of your responses are logical, and I'm not.

But screw it. I'm sick and tired of players like Willie Harris thinking that they have latitude to hang over the plate and then be big mouths when they get hit because they're on the right side of the scoreboard. I'm tired of the "he dominated you, get over it" mentality. There are idiots on either side of the scoreboard. And maybe if Willie Harris sees Morgan take a fastball in the middle of the number one on his back, maybe he isn't going to be so quick to open his mouth when the moment doesn't call for it like Brian Bruney did (that Jacobs home run, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy ... Maybe the mere sight of Bruney was the thing that sparked Frankie to react the way he did.) What's the worst that can happen? Teams hate the Mets? Like that isn't already the case. Or Frankie Rodriguez gets suspended for the next three games? So what? Like he's going to get a save chance in Colorado anyway at this rate.

And yet, I also tire of trying to convince people that the Mets need to return to some vigilante justice just once in their lives. It's a losing battle. Everyone is everyone's friend these days, and everybody just wants to run their mouths instead of charging the mound or sending a message like Bob Gibson used to do because nobody wants to be fined. It's the way of the world and I'll just have to be happy with Frankie throwing a couple of f-bombs instead of a beanball and go on my merry, cranky way.

The Hate Becomes Slightly More Rational

2010-04-11T03:46:00.000-04:00

The streamers were hung, the hors d'oeuvres were on the table, and the guests had arrived. The only question would be this: Who would ruin Jose Reyes' welcome home party by sitting on the cake?

I thought it would be Oliver Perez.

But even though he gave up four runs and walked four in five and 2/3 innings, there was just enough (and I mean juuuuuust enough) to like from Cousin Oliver today, which means either he had some legitimate good moments or my standards have gotten way too low. In either case, it was enough to convince me not to call for Perez to be traded to Saskatchewan for a rogue moose until his next start.

No, the party pooper was Tyler Clippard, who has given me no reason to cease my irrational hate for him by throwing three shutout innings and striking out seven (!) Mets in the process in relief. And you wondered why Citi Field has been so windy lately. You had three innings worth of breezes courtesy of Clippard, who is clearly an alien sent by a far away galaxy to gain secrets on the Mets and piss me off in the process. We'll know this is true when Clippard will have trouble striking out seven batters the rest of the season against the rest of the league.

Then there's Willie Harris, who once again made a game ending web gem ... this time off a Rod Barajas line drive with two outs and the bases loaded that was so unexpected even Gary Cohen had Chip Caray'd the call to a base hit before it landed in Harris' glove. That would be the same Willie Harris who was only in the game because Ryan Zimmerman got hurt. See how when other teams have injuries they have players who step up but when the Mets had injuries they trotted out Ramon Martinez? And would now be a bad time to remind you, courtesy of Cohen and co. on Friday night, that the manager who convinced a young second baseman named Willie Harris to learn the outfield and be more versatile was Snoop Manuel back when both were with the White Sox?

Yes, it's true. Basically, Snoop's been ruining my life even before he moved to my city. What's next, Snoop? You want to teach him to play goaltender so he can hop on the Acela and suit up for the Flyers after the ballgame is done? Because that would be quite gangsta.

So while you may believe in comebacks, I believe in Willie Harris flushing my hopes and dreams down the toilet after Tyler Clippard urinates on them. Again. All while Willy Taveras and his four RBI's laugh at me ... and Rob Dibble accuses me of going to Canada for blood running.

Hey, I believe what I see.

They're Not Power Guys

2010-04-10T01:34:00.000-04:00

So, which one is Canseco and which one is McGwire? I can't tell.

I guess this is what Snoop meant when he said "they're not power guys but they can hit the ball out of the ballpark." I guess that means that Jeff Francoeur and Rod Barajas aren't "power guys". But perhaps they now qualify as being "hot at the same time", making Snoop a smart man and a good manager as both Frenchy and Roddy (let's work on a nick name for our catcher, shall we) hit two bombs to ice an 8-2 win over the Nationals, proving once and for all that it's not the ballpark at all.

(All right, except for maybe David Wright, who was in his home run trot on a ball that hit the wall in left field and really should learn to haul ass out of the box until the ball lands in somebody's beer. I mean, didn't training with "The Situation" teach him anything besides how to hit somebody in the stomach with a bat? Okay, off the soapbox.)

The development that not only tastes good but is good for you is Mike Pelfrey's line, a stress relieving two runs in six innings. Four walks? A bit much. But not if you could have two runs in six innings every time out. We all could use Pelfrey to blossom into the number two starter we're not sure he'll ever be. I myself could use Pelfrey to prove me right for once in my life. I suspect we'll get our answer either way by the end of this season. My vote is for yes, but what do I know?

The More Things Change ...

2010-04-09T02:37:00.001-04:00

A fresh new injury.

Not one but two updates on Jose Reyes.

The Mets batting average with runners in scoring position.

All present and accounted for in the SNY Mets Post Game Report sponsored by whoever the heck is sponsoring that show these days (KFC? Arpielle Equipment? Slap Chop?), and Geico Sports Night following the Mets 3-1 loss to the Marlins. It's eerie how we all want to move on from 2009, yet it wafts over you like the stench of rancid meat.

Surely after two games where a Mets offense that has the ability to make Nate Robertson look like a superstar could only muster 13 hits in 18 innings and scored seven runs mainly on the strength of the other team's weakness, Snoop Manuel, Gangsta, would have a plan for his hitters to become more productive. Maybe a change in the batting order. Maybe some extra hitting. Maybe a barbecue at Howard Johnson's house. No ...

"We need a couple guys hot at the same time." -Jerry Manuel

That's it? That's the grand plan? Hope? Pray? Plead to a higher power? I thought that was our job as fans. But no, that's the manager's grand plan. One day, that plan will work. And yeah, I know the manager can lead a horse to the plate but can't make him hit. But the problem is that Omar Minaya already passed the buck to him when at the onset of free agency, he basically said that it was up to the coaches to make the players that are already on the roster better (translated: I have no money or prayer to get anyone so you're on your own). And now, the manager's way of "making the players better" is crossing his fingers and toes and wishing upon the one star he could see through the pollution. There's nobody left to pass the buck to.

But that was nothing compared to this post game gem regarding the bottom of the lineup:

"They're not power guys but they can hit the ball out of the ballpark."

What? I don't know what that even means!!! Who exactly did he just describe ... Rod Barajas? Luis Castillo?

Al Pedrique?

Oh well. At least Jon Niese came up with a quality start, so maybe Snoop will stop being concerned about the rotation for two or three hours before the next one takes the mound. You know ... the one that isn't a hard thrower but can throw the ball hard.

There's A Lot Of Money In It

2010-04-08T16:02:00.001-04:00

David Wright is not only a world class baseball player, but he's also a savvy businessman. He's making crazy money off of his Vitamin Water endorsement deal after negotiating a percentage rather than a flat fee. David Wright is smart.

Michael Sorrentino is a former "exotic dancer" with a sensitive side. I suppose that takes a talent which was too tempting for MTV to pass up when casting Jersey Shore. I don't know what else he's known for besides throwing a first pitch at a Mets game in Port St. Lucie.

Wright and Sorrentino have now come together to convince you to try to ingest healthier fluids.

Coming soon: The viral video in which Snooki teaches Fernando Tatis proper base running techniques.

Friendly Reminders And Bird Poop

2010-04-08T03:33:00.001-04:00

I'm not here to push the panic button. Not on April 8th. But know that it's always close by.

It's close by because of the reminders we received on April 7th.

Reminder number one: John Maine is your second starter.

You know, maybe John Lackey wouldn't have come to New York even if Omar Minaya/Jeff Wilpon did give him the hard sell. Most likely, it was Boston or bust for Lackey regardless of what Minaya came with. I understand this, trust me. But when I see Maine reach the 60 pitch count in the third inning with only about half of the chucks being strikes while checking the scoreboard and seeing that Lackey is twirling six shutout innings against the Yankees, I want to do my Maine imitation and puke.

Reminder number two: Jenrry Mejia is twenty years old.

He's not ready. He's not ready. He's not ready. I'll hold to that like a warm blanket. But if even he is ready ... are sixth inning appearances down by three runs what we have to look forward to? Is this why Snoop and Omar rushed him and his 97 mph fastball? To get hit hard by the bottom of the Marlins lineup to mop up after the latest starting pitching fiasco?

Reminder number three: Sean Green is no Chad Bradford.

Chad Bradford went through 62 innings in 2006 only giving up one home run as a Met. Of course it was a walk-off, but that's a small detail. Sean Green's Chad Bradford imitation only needed two batters to give up his first home run of the season. Yeah, this submariney thing is going to work out just fine.

Reminder number four: Sometimes, irony is not your friend.

Snoop liked Hisanori Takahashi because he threw strikes. What does he do in his major league debut in the tenth inning? Go 2-0 on Wes Helms, of course. Then goes 2-1 on a batter who's trying to bunt Wes Helms over before taking the loss in the tenth. Even when the Mets do the right thing, the dice come up snake eyes.

And even when the Mets shake off a wild pitch that results in the third out of the seventh inning while David Wright was up with the bases loaded (on a questionable baserunning play by Fernando Tatis, it should be noted for posterity) to come back and tie the game in the eighth, the Mets roll craps. Think about this: the team wasted a Jeff Francoeur walk during the eighth inning rally after being down 0-2. A Jeff Francoeur walk!!! His second of the season! Although I have to tell you, Frenchy walking is kinda reminiscent of an acid trip.

Yeah, kinda like that.

Maybe Frenchy has two walks because he finally realized that they do, in fact, put your OBP on the scoreboard.

Hey, whatever works.

Speaking of working, here's something that's not working: that bird misting thing they're trying.

Bird Doctor was contacted by Citi Field as a proactive measure to prevent birds such as pigeons from taking up residence in the new stadium. Installing the new Bird Control Misting system will help keep maintenance costs down, while maintaining the overall appearance and cleanliness of the stadium. Maintenance costs can soar if weekly cleanup of bird droppings is required; bird droppings are unsightly and can transmit disease.

Umm, well check out what diseases I saw transmitted tonight (besides the ones I contracted from watching the ten inning debacle) ...

Y'know it's not like the Mets don't have enough problems with the human doctors ... the bird doctors aren't going to cooperate either?

Nellie The Phillie

2010-04-07T13:43:00.000-04:00

Who knows how useful Nelson Figueroa will be to the Phillies now that they've claimed him off waivers. I don't think anybody will pretend that Figueroa is immediately going to go 10-2 and start the All-Star game.

But to me, you can put it on guaranteed lock that the night the Mets are one game away from elimination, the Phillies will be on the schedule. And Nellie will start that game. And he'll summon every lord of baseball available in heaven to conjure up the greatest start of his career. And then he'll sign autographs for every one of the 43,647 in attendance in Philadelphia. And meanwhile, back in Queens, there will be a torch and a pitchfork for every Figueroa autograph signed that night at Omar Minaya's door demanding his head.

Melodramatic? Probably. But did ya think last April that Pedro Martinez was going to be the chosen one to deliver the final blow to the Mets last season? Did ya? Because you know ... deep down you know ... that if the Mets are going to be eliminated this season, they will do so in the most twisted plot available to them. Whatever puts the biggest smile on John Kruk's face, that'll be the open flame to burn the Mets. It's that simple.

Nelson Figueroa, hero to those young and old during his time in New York, now carries that flame. For Philadelphia.

A Fine Day For A Dog And An Underdog

2010-04-06T04:04:00.001-04:00

Yes Virginia, you can take your disguises off your dog. No longer will your dog, your neighbor, your friends and loved ones need to wear disguises in public. It's 2010, so you can proudly wear your Mets gear in public again. And many people sure as hell did at Opening Day.

I miss Opening Day. I miss being there. Used to be that I'd go every season, or almost every season. 2010 marked the first time I'd been at the opener in nine seasons, and obviously my first one at Citi Field. I'll say this for the new barn, it's certainly been Metsmerized.

Yes, of all the new banners hanging outside the place, George Foster made the cut ... probably the only recognition of those late 70's/early 80's unis you'll see. But the fact that you see it shows you that on some level, the Mets care a little more about your fan experience than they used to.

Oh, and the blue paint on the stairwells helped too. Makes you wonder what was so hard about thinking of all this (along with the official dedication of the Adam Dunn Bridge, which is now the William Shea Bridge) last year. But hey, late really is better than never.

But back to Opening Day, I miss it. You know what I miss the most? I miss the fact that only on Opening Day can you hear the fans' visceral reaction that has been pent up since the beginning of October. For example, if you're the Mets' physical therapist, you can live 364 days of the year in anonymity. But on Opening Day, there's nowhere to hide. You've gotta toe the line like the rest of 'em and hear what the fans really think of you. In most places, fans may forget about all the injuries, but not here. Here, in Flushing, the physical therapist gets booed with an intensity only surpassed by the boos that Oliver Perez received.

What, you thought we forgot about last season? Nope, not until that first pitch was thrown for a strike by Johan Santana. After that, it was all good. And you knew it would be with Santana throwing darts for six innings and David Wright finally figuring out which part of the ballpark he needed to aim at for maximum production, or as Gary Cohen called it: "Utley's Corner" (why Gary, why?), Jason Bay pulled a Rock of the Westies and debuted at the top of his game, and the Marlins failing to navigate a harsh wind that made the field look like a National Geographic special on the mating habits of hot dog wrappers and other assorted garbage. Poor Frenchy looked like he was in a scene from District 9 in the Mo's Zone, which is probably a valley of dustmites by now. Hell I got hit with windblown beer and a half full bag of pretzels. I thought Alex Cora was going to blow away.

(Editor's note: On this beautiful Monday, I learned that left field can be just as much a sun field as right field ... but only on one side of your face. Must be that creative geometry Dave Howard talks about all the time. Only having red around one eye makes a sunbathing fan look like "Phantom of the Ballpark". So buyer beware, and bring some sunblock.)

Obligatory analysis of Snoop Manuel, the bad: How do you have your star free agent acquisition bat behind a guy who wasn't even a lock to make the roster a week ago (Mike Jacobs)? That'll be a disaster at some point. The good (at least for this game): Leaving Fernando Nieve in for the eighth inning after pitching a very good seventh inning. Somehow, I don't think Snoop is sold on Ryota Igarashi for the eighth inning ... at least not an eighth inning during a Johan start. No, not the time you want to debut a guy who struggled during the spring. So well played on that one, Snoop. But as the physical therapist learned, you can't hide forever.

So the underdog version of the Mets are 1-0, and tied for first place. But for this team, Opening Day is merely the ascension of the roller coaster. Wednesday night is Non-Johan Opening Day, so hold on to your hats.

The ride begins.

If We Die, We Die

2010-04-05T01:43:00.000-04:00

So what if the middle of the rotation is made up of question marks and silly putty.

So what if the bullpen wasn't cemented until the last spring training game.

So what if Mike Jacobs, who wasn't a lock for the Opening Day roster a week ago is now the cleanup hitter.

So what if Jenrry Mejia is merely the latest prospect rushed through the system despite the decree that things were going to be different 'round here.

So what if outside of Jason Bay the team is still same ol' same ol'.

So what if Snoop Manuel is still the manager.

So what if Omar Minaya is still the GM.

So what if the Wilpons still grip this team like a vice drenched in flop sweat and shame.

Baseball season is here.

And here's how I look at it: Unless the top-level talent performs above and beyond their best performances so as to cover up the mistakes of the rest of the rosters ... unless the newfound clubhouse chemistry really makes the difference between winning and losing ... unless Oliver Perez forgets he's Oliver Perez ... it's most likely going to be a tough grind of a season. I emphasize "most likely" because anything can happen. We learned this last season.

But why stress? Why worry about all that now? It's Opening Day. The Mets are tied for first. They're serving lasagna bolognese at Citi Field. Life is good.

As far as the season goes, I believe it was Alex Cora who told Dustin Pedroia the following when Pedroia was experiencing some flight fright:

"If we die, we die."

Most likely, this season will have casualties. Maybe Minaya. Maybe Manuel. Maybe both. Maybe our collective sanity. Who knows? But make no mistake: The lowered expectations that this team has will make all the bitching, moaning, and complaining fun again.

There will be bitching.

There will be moaning.

There will be complaining.

That's all I can guarantee for 2010. Win total? I had 91 last season and was only off by about twenty. So I'm staying away from picking a number. Instead, I'm going all Range Game and saying that this team could go anywhere from 78-86 wins. I'm counting on a full season from Jose Reyes, a bounce back season from David Wright, a nice season from Jason Bay, and Johan Santana being the 2008 Johan Santana.

I'm not counting on Oliver Perez doing anything. I'm not counting on Jenrry Mejia to fool hitters past a month. I'm not counting on Sean Green to turn into Chad Bradford.

Everything else, I can only hope for. I hope Jeff Francoeur keeps smiling, keeps hitting, and keeps his K's to a minimum. I hope Mike Jacobs can return to the production of his Florida days. I hope that Carlos Beltran's return means something more than a two month audition for a playoff team that plays somewhere other than Flushing. I'm hoping Ike Davis and Fernando Martinez tear up Buffalo until September. I'm hoping that Bobby Parnell learns a cutter. I'm hoping Ryota Igarashi puts spring behind him. I'm hoping Mike Pelfrey bounces back like I think he will. I'm hoping Hisanori Takahashi is nothing like Ken Takahashi. I'm hoping John Maine keeps his puking to a minimum. I'm hoping Jon Niese grows up. I'm hoping Angel Pagan remembers how to get from first to home. I'm hoping Gary Matthews Jr. is slightly more than adequate. I'm hoping Frank Catalanotto was as good an idea now as he would have been five years ago. I'm hoping Pedro Feliciano continues to strike out Ryan Howard and Chase Utley with regularity. I'm hoping Frankie Rodriguez doesn't give up another grand slam to Justin Maxwell. I hope we see Chris Carter. I hope we see Daniel Murphy. I hope Rod Barajas and Henry Blanco are as defensively able as advertised. I hope those two knock some sense into the pitching staff.

Yes, I have a lot of hope this season.

But if we die, we die. As long as we die big.

And if we die, I hope somebody brings punch to the Apology Day party I'm throwing.

Chris Carter Is Free ...

2010-04-03T03:25:00.000-04:00

... to go to Buffalo, as the Mets made their almost final cuts on Friday after Fernando Tatis' fly ball reached the warning track and no further against Tampa Bay on Friday night to end a 4-2 loss. Tatis and his .163 spring training average was not one of Friday's cuts. In a season where everybody should have been fighting for a job, it turns out Tatis was safe all along. ... Just swell.

The Animal is back in the cage.

As for Carter, once again, great idea trading Billy Wagner for him and Eddie Lora (and saving three million bucks) instead of getting the two draft picks for him as compensation, and then not keeping Carter up after a good spring ensuring that he'll never see the light of day. Yeah, that trade worked out well. Hope they didn't spend the money in one place (Tatis and Alex Cora ... two places.)

And if your response is "well, they shouldn't keep Chris Carter up to justify the Wagner trade because he's only a marginal Quadruple-A player", well then Omar Minaya traded the chance at two high draft picks for a marginal Quadruple-A player. Your tax dollars at work. Speaking of:

Nelson's life with the Mets.

In other news, the organization that was once equated with family values has f$#%ed over Nelson Figueroa for the 4,238th time by cutting him on Friday as well. Figueroa, if he doesn't sign with the Phillies to f$#% the Mets back and get even, will most likely head off to Japan where he will most likely pitch the Nippon Ham Fighters to a title and co-manage a chain of McDonald's franchises with Shinjo. Remember this when Oliver Perez and his 31.74 ERA is sent to Savannah because they feel that the players on that roster would be a positive influence on him, and John Maine has to go on the disabled list due to a strained throat he suffered during an intense puke.

Vomit: A Retrospective

2010-04-02T00:41:00.000-04:00

After John Maine threw hard and threw up through four and two-thirds on Thursday, I combed through the archives and found that I had used the word "vomit" eight times in close to five seasons of Mets baseball. I'm somewhat surprised that the number wasn't higher (a ninth reference was actually made by a guest blogger, a moment I'm not proud of). But it brought back some great memories. For instance, this gem when we thought John Smoltz was on his way to the Mets:

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Tom Glavine is Smoltzie's golfing buddy which means there's a chance we could see Glavine show up at Citi Field with a Mets hat to support his buddy ... and looking all devastated as his friend gets torched by the Brewers for six runs in two and a third. (Oh, did I say devastated? I meant slightly disappointed.) I dare say this would induce more vomit than seeing Roger Clemens attend the Texas/Alabama game on Thursday.

Boy, we dodged that bullet didn't we? Or how about when the Mets had reportedly traded for Pat Burrell?

Of course, it turned out not to be true ... yet. To think, I wasted perfectly good vomit over nothing.

Another crisis of hypocrisy averted. Here might be my personal favorite vomit reference, when the Mets traded for Johan Santana:

Without Johan Santana, the Mets filing into Port St. Lucie for spring training 2008 would have been reminiscent of the really popular girl who went to the big party and got drunk and puked on the shoes of the big man on campus...and then tried to go to school the next day like nothing happened...but then she's walking through the hallways, all of the other students are by their lockers pairing up to whisper things to one another like "oh look, there's the drunk" or "I can't believe she would show her face here again", or "Oh my God, I think she still has vomit in her hair."

Or if it was a text message it would have been: OMG, VIHH! <:@o

Aah, memories.

But I wonder, what made John Maine vomit yesterday? Could it have been ...

Not that the Sports Illustrated prediction did a lot of good for the Mets last season. And hey, just hours after this cover comes out, Joe Blanton goes on the DL, and Halladay gets torched. So no, that wasn't it.

Aah, maybe this book was it. Yes, forget about just merely winning the World Series, here a book that imagines a Yankees perfect season. 162-0. Yeah, imagine that.

I have actually imagined this "perfect" season. Here's how it ends:

Real World/Reyes Rules

2010-04-01T03:26:00.002-04:00

Jose Reyes has so many cameras on him while playing on minor league fields and doing wind sprints that he had remarked that he thought he was on the "Jose Reyes Reality Show".

Finally, somebody breaks the Jose Reyes rehab down into it's simplest terms, and it's Jose himself. And all I can say his thank goodness that he's going to come back on or around April 11th instead of say, June 1. I know I can't take another episode of "Real World/Reyes Rules" on SNY. I mean, I turn on the damn station to see baseball, and instead I get this:

At least most of the "Real World/Reyes Rules" actually takes place on a baseball field, where none of these reality stars would even be near ...

No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Coming up after Beer Money, it's Road Rules/Murphy's Law.

Under Destruction

2010-03-31T04:05:00.000-04:00

So when do we get past the point of "working things out"?

I know, it's still spring training. But we're at March 31st now. This is usually the time of year where pitchers start to stretch things out and have good outings. What does Oliver Perez do? Seven runs, seven outs, three home runs. One of which, it must be noted, was hit by Brendan Ryan.

You might think that Perez is still in "warm-up" mode, or that he's "trying different things", or that Jon Niese preliminarily moving up to the third starter position over Perez and Maine is merely "Jerry Manuel's strategic geometry", but what I know is that giving up a home run ... over the power alley ... against the wind ... to a shortstop who still looks like he might still get carded at the local establishments at the age of 28 ... I don't care if it's Digital Domain Park in March, Citi Field in August, or Must See TV Thursdays on Mars ... it's a @#&$*#ing problem!!!

Oliver keeps pitching like this, the most exciting things we'll see and hear this summer will be Mike Francesa and Steve Phillips have the following conversation on WFAN over and over again:

MF: No Steve, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: Oh I beg to differ Michael, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

MF: Listen Steve, I've been in this town for over twenty years and I'm tellin ya, I hate Carlos Beltran more.

SP: With all due respect, I've tried to trade David Wright and Jose Reyes. And I hate Carlos Beltran more.

Please remind me to throw my radio out the window every Friday and on days where Oliver Perez pitches.

It's Hard To Find Good Tutors

2010-03-30T04:25:00.000-04:00

Chris Coste's Met career ... a photo essay:

I Blame Oliver Perez

2010-03-28T23:50:00.001-04:00

"What did I do this time? I didn't even pitch today!"

I know, I know. I blame Oliver Perez for most things in life these days. His reputation precedes him.

But I also blame Mike Pelfrey and John Maine. "For what" is what you are surely asking.

The latest bit of "breaking news" to come out of Mets camp is that Sean Green and Bobby Parnell are reportedly going to start the 2010 season in Buffalo. It makes room for guys like Nelson Figueroa and Hisanori Takahashi to land in the bullpen. And that makes a load of sense (Mets? Sense? I know!) considering that nobody is counting on the three headed monster of Little Pelf, Cousin Ollie, and Maine & 5th to provide a whole bunch of innings. I'm sure Sunday's six runs in five and 2/3's given up by Pelfrey pushed the Mets toward that line of thinking, or perhaps over the cliff.

If those three are going to average five innings a start, then you're going to need innings eaters in the bullpen like Nellie and Takahashi II to eat up some of those middle innings. Heck, maybe it gives Snoop more flexibility to have a quicker hook when the Tee Ball Triplets come in throwing beach balls all over the place. But you're going to tire out your bullpen when you have nothing but three out guys to turn to on a night where Perez has one of his famous "seven runs in five outs" linescores.

It may be a raw deal for Green and Parnell, but Parnell will probably be back sooner than later. And Green? Well jeez who needs a six foot six guy who comes in and throws submarine style? I know Chad Bradford was 6'5" but at least Blueback looked like a submariner. Green's makeshift new delivery makes him look like that episode of the Munsters where Herman tried to pitch for the Giants.* Green will walk the world in anyway because batters will be too distracted by a 6'6" guy who looks like he has no interest in bending. I know it's not the most accurate analysis or scouting report you're going to get on Green but he just plain freaks me out.

Other than the fact that sending the other large component of the J.J. Putz trade to the minors makes that trade completely useless on this side of the Mississippi, it seems to be a move that had to be made if it is indeed made.

*This episode of The Munsters never happened.

An Earth Hour Plea

2010-03-28T02:56:00.000-04:00

People of America,

I hit a baseball during Saturday's spring training game that in any other ballpark, or on any other day, would have been a home run that would have made Mickey Mantle bow to me. Instead, it didn't even reach the warning track.

Meanwhile, on the same day in the same park, noted slugger Luis Castillo smacked a three run HR to left field.

I ask you why this is. Why is it that on every other single day this spring I could have bunted a ball over the right field wall, yet this sure home run on a ball hit so hard that Jose's thyroid went nuts at the mere sound, I flied out to short right and my average dropped to .012 on the spring? Why? The wind blows out for everyone and their mother (and Emilio Bonifacio and his mother as well), but I get the Citi Field wind tunnel simulator. Why?

I blame you, America.

That's right, I blame you and your greenhouse gas emissions and your aerosol sprays and your constant grilling of hamburgers at the Shake Shack stand that is causing global warming to produce these weird weather patterns that blow out home runs for Luis Castillo and Emilio Bonifacio, but bring me one fly ball closer to getting released. Where was the wind when I hit the double play ball to end the game? Of course! Gone! Gone like my home run should have been. What's next, America? Hey I know, how about causing the next ice age and forcing me to take up curling, where I will surely be booed by you ungrateful Met fans every time the wind blows my stone back behind the hog line.

So America, I beg of you ... can you mix in a salad once in a while so I can make this f&%#ing team?

Yours,

Mike Jacobs

P.S. Do it for the kids.

But more importantly, do it for my batting average.

Continuing The Debate

2010-03-25T02:54:00.019-04:00

I gotta say that this Jenrry Mejia debate is fascinating. As opposed to a lot of spring training chatter, which can be about nothing and drive you insane sometimes, the back-and-forth between the people that want Mejia in the Mets bullpen this season and the people who want Mejia in Buffalo or Binghamton to hone his skills as a starter has enough twists, turns, nooks and crannies to make an English muffin look like Sara Lee Soft & Smooth bread.

Here's how nuts it's gotten, and keep in mind right off the bat that I consider myself in the camp of caution, of sending him to the minors and letting him work on secondary pitches to come up as a starter rather than keeping him up this season to be a situational/short/set-up reliever: There's a Facebook page organizing a protest to keep Mejia in the minors, which will set itself up outside the SNY studios hoping to be seen on Loudmouths or whatever show's path it happens to cross. Think about that for a second: Imagine there was a protest on live television to keep you from getting a promotion at work. How would you feel? Even if it was organized with your best interests at heart ... what kind of blow to the ego would that be?

Good thing nobody cares about your job that much, eh?

Here's the way I see it: You can compare Mejia to anybody you want who has gone from starter to reliever: John Smoltz did it, and did it well. What I would have liked about the transition if Smoltz wasn't a Brave was how he understood the art of throwing breaking stuff with more ferocity. Smoltz was throwing a 92 mph splitter. That isn't fair.

But it takes a veteran like Smoltz circa 2001-2004 to understand that. Jenrry Mejia, I'm guessing, knows nothing of what's between zero and sixty. Thus, he has more to learn.

Then there's one Mr. Chamberlain and his silly rules. Similar debates rage on about Chamberlain and where his role is best suited. The fear with Mejia is that he'll be treated with the same kid gloves that lightly tapped Chamberlain and his role is going to go back and forth depending on which managerial or front office job he needs to save that day. So his path needs to be straight and not circular (like the change up he may need to learn).

(You know what's weird, usually the manager plays veterans to save his job, not bring up rookies. As usual with the Mets, the circumstances are all cockeyed.)

Obviously, Chamberlain has been more dominant as a reliever than a starter. One could argue that a mediocre starter proves more valuable than a lights out set-up guy (see: Oliver Perez's contract), but Mejia at least deserves the chance to show that he could actually be more than just a mediocre starter before we have this debate. Sure, the bullpen has holes (cough ... Sean Green ... cough), but the rotation is a doughnut. And yes, John Maine's fastball had some movement and it actually struck out Albert Pujols on Thursday (though the pitch was a ball), but I stand by the statement. Fill a bullpen hole for a season which is going to be an uphill climb anyway with a raw rookie, or fill a rotation hole for ten years with a seasoned prospect? You decide.

Then there's Bobby Parnell, who to me is a poster child for rushing your prospects as the Mets have done too often under this regime. He too, had an eye opening spring. He then went from the sixth to the seventh to the eighth inning. Then he fell apart. Not to say Mejia isn't going to fall apart at some point in his major league career, but wouldn't you want him to be fully prepared when that meltdown comes? Somebody who has pitched 44 (and a third) innings above A-ball in his life can't possibly be prepared. Hell, who knows if he's prepared for Friday night's fan boycott???

If you're still confused by all this, Glenn Beck explains it all on this blackboard:

It's not confusing at all.

And if you're still confused by this, here's Keith Hernandez in the leisure suit that he recently admitted on an SNY broadcast he wore when he got called up to the Cardinals.

The yellow one was in the cleaners.

It's A One Horse Race

2010-03-25T02:10:00.001-04:00

Fernando Tatis really made an impression on Mets brass during Wednesday's spring training win over the Astros, when two straight fly balls hit by Tatis were dropped by Astros fielders, including Fielding Bible award winner Hunter Pence, leading to a key Mets run.

"It's like those balls he hit had buzzsaws on 'em man," said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. "Those balls he hit were some gritty ... it really takes a special kind of hitter to make those balls move like that to confuse the fielders. I think if he can do this a couple times a game like he did today, we'd really have a better chance to win on most nights."

And thus it was announced after the game that Tatis will start at first base this season. Omar Minaya subsequently announced that Daniel Murphy was traded to the Twins for Joe Mauer ... 's copy of MLB 2K10 for Wii of which he's on the cover (the trade had to be modified when Minaya realized that Mauer is actually on the cover of MLB The Show). And Ike Davis was traded to the Phillies for Ryan Howard, who was traded to the Cardinals for Albert Pujols, who was traded to the Yankees for Francisco Cervelli ... clearing the way for Tatis to be the Mets first baseman for the rest of your life and your afterlife. But don't worry, the Mets also announced that lasagna bolognese will be served in your personal hell, and those pesky birds will be redirected away from your food.*

*Outside of the two dropped fly balls this post is satire, in case you didn't figure it out by the time Omar traded the best player in baseball for a back-up catcher which, though plausible, actually didn't happen ... this time. Please come down off the ledge and have a Peking Duck Bun.

Knocking Tradition Off Its Axis

2010-03-24T04:21:00.001-04:00

Apparently, the news of Jose Reyes' imminent return has sent the planet into a frenzy. Something isn't right. First, the Mets do something sensible and send Ike Davis to the minors for his final bit of seasoning ...

Then, the Mets change the name of the spring training stadium in the middle of a game, making poor Gary Cohen announce the name change in the middle innings which clearly distracted Sean Green into thinking he was at Tradition Field when he was actually at Digital Domain Park throwing his latest train wreck of an inning ...

But the best proof that the world has gone insane is that during Tuesday's game, Jeff Francoeur walked ...

Twice!

I know, I know, Reyes' return distracted damn near everyone. Especially Oliver Perez, who's Tuesday outing was so stellar he had to be rescued by some guy named Raul Valdez ... who wore number 96, had no name on his jersey, and had Cohen scrambling to execute a Google search for information on him.

Luckily, chasing Perez around Digital Domain Park with a bat to scare him into throwing strikes is considered a baseball related activity. So get to it, Jose. And scare the crap out of Pelfrey and Maine too while you're at it.

***

"If we have a crisis or something over there, I would have no problem with Ike Davis being part of a championship season." -Snoop

After which the champagne will taste really sweet, right?

(Bangs head against wall)

Cleared For Takeoff

2010-03-23T14:54:00.000-04:00

Jose Reyes has been cleared to resume baseball related activities, and he's headed back to Florida.

For those of you unclear on what exactly is a baseball related activity:

This is a baseball related activity.

This is not.

This is a baseball related activity.

I don't know what this is.

This is a perfectly acceptable baseball drill.

This is never acceptable under any circumstances.

This is baseball.

This is a super secret friendship ritual you used to do in second grade.

This gets the heart pumping.

This is a ventriloquist act. Good for vaudeville, not for baseball.

This should never be resumed. Ever.

Animal Rakes, Blogger Bellyaches

2010-03-23T03:49:00.000-04:00

All right, so we all know that "First Base/2010" is patchwork until Ike Davis is ready for the majors. Fine. And we also know that Daniel Murphy has the inside track. Maybe.

But how can you not have a spot for a guy nicknamed "Animal" on the Mets?

There's pros and cons to giving Chris Carter on the team. But what are the alternatives? How much more is Mike Jacobs going to give you than Chris Carter? Granted, Carter is less proven than Jacobs, as in Mike Jacobs has proven he can strike out a ton. What's the worst that can happen if Carter comes up? Even if he just backs up Murphy when it's all said and done?

And don't give me Fernando Tatis and having to wade through his fifty-eight double plays to get to the two grand slams he's going to hit.

My angle is that I want to see the Mets get some bang for their buck, so to speak, on that Billy Wagner trade as the Mets thought that Chris Carter and three million bucks (that went to Tatis and Kelvim Escobar) would be better for the franchise going forward than the two first round picks that the Red Sox got when Atlanta signed Country Time. Of course, any team that chooses cash considerations over re-investing in your farm system deserves to have the transaction bite them in the ass. But I don't. And as you know, it's all about me. So please just bring Carter up and make me happy until Ike Davis comes up in 2011 (or this May) and makes Chris Carter a mere footnote in the recesses of my mind.

Really, it doesn't get much better than "Animal".

***

Down about the lost chance for that second lefty? Or perhaps you're crying in your beer about Mike Pelfrey being about as useful as a batting tee against the Nationals. Well the best way to cheer up is to head yourself down to Two Boots Tavern at 7PM tonight for the first Amazin' Tuesday of 2010, hosted as always by Greg Prince of Faith and Fear in Flushing, and Jon Springer of Mets by the Numbers. There will be free beer in exchange for a Mets baseball card (as always), and you can get yourself a paperback copy of Greg's best selling book with a 2009 epilogue 10 bucks, which goes to the Tug McGraw Foundation. Pizza, beer, and philanthropy. You can't beat it ... not even if Chris Carter makes the Mets.

Hey, We Have Health Care! It's Now Safe To Trade For Mike Lowell!!!

2010-03-22T00:43:00.001-04:00

Is it a coincidence that the Mike Lowell rumors from way back in January when the health care bill was thought to be on its last legs started again the very day that the new bill gets passed by the House of Reps? I think not. Now, if Lowell does become a Met and he gets hurt, it could be covered.

Recurring thumb problem? No problem! It's covered.

Bad hip? America can heal you.

Aging right-handed stick gets a year older every second? No problem. It can be fixed with subsidized wheat grass.

Batting average drops like a stone? Okay, maybe that's a problem, because I don't know if the Senate can fix that with wheat grass, aging cream, or 80-pitch drills that are supervised by your HMO. But hey, who better to test this new theory for the United States of America than on than the son of a Cuban exile?

Health care for all. The pennant is ours. Make this trade? Yes We Can!!!

(Editor's note: Does the new plan include psychiatric help for bloggers? I'm not asking for myself ... really. I'm just curious.)

(Editor's second note: Okay I'm asking for myself.)

Gator Bait

2010-03-20T02:03:00.000-04:00

I can vouch for Ralph Kiner when he says that the best way to get away from an alligator is to run zig-zag. Because I heard the same thing years ago from an independent source. So Ron Darling had best remember this when the alligator comes after him during a round of golf and not be so dismissive.

You know what he also said during Thursday's loss to the Twins? He said that Fernando Martinez reminded him of Ted Williams. Well, so much for lowered expectations, right? This might scare me more than being chased by an alligator (or Sean Green coming into a game). Because you can't run from expectations ... zig-zag or otherwise.

Battle Plans

2010-03-19T02:32:00.001-04:00

I suppose that when you consider the line of two runs in four innings for Oliver Perez on Thursday night against the Marlins, it's on pace to be a quality start, which would be three runs in six. Now that's like saying that winning on Opening Day puts you on a pace to be 162-0 so take it for what it's worth.

But it was this post-game quote from Perez that caught my attention:

"I didn't even think about striking out any guys. Sometimes you try to strike out guys and you start getting lost and lose your focus. Right now I'm just trying to not throw more pitches than four and five (per batter). The less pitches you have, the more deeper in the game you can go."

At least we have Oliver not thinking, which is a positive step forward. What Oliver meant to say was this:

"When I grow up, I want to be Jamie Moyer. And I figured I would speed up the process before I get my sorry butt sent to Buffalo, and I don't feel like pitching in the cold. I hate cold."

Nice that Oliver is trying to make Philosophy 101 work for him. And spring training is the time to do it. Here's what I hope doesn't happen: Oliver, Dan Warthen, and Snoop Gangsta decide that's this is what we want to do with every batter, all the time ... and that broad strokes and unwavering changes in philosophy are the way to go. Because it's nice that Oliver wants to be more efficient and that Snoop wants to throw strikes (necessary since Met pitchers led the free world last season by walking ... well, the free world). Great. All for it.

But not only do the bloggers know what Oliver and the Mets want to do, so do the opponents. You'll throw more strikes? Okay, we'll swing more. Oliver wants to be more efficient and only throw four or five pitches per batter? Great. We'll take more pitches ... especially those pitches that sail over our heads ... and maybe foul stuff off for good measure. Can't the plan be fluid to the situation as opposed to hitting the A button at full power all the time?

You know, if Eisenhower had given away the plans, we'd all be speaking German.

Finger On The Pulse

2010-03-18T15:46:00.000-04:00

Yeah, your owner knows what you want (besides tributes to former Dodgers, limited sight lines new paint on the stairwells, that is). And he gives it to you on his Wil-Vlog.

Nightmares courtesy of your Wil-Pals at 12 Angry Mascots. And you can relive all the exploits of "Jeff Wilpon" at "jeffwilpon.com".

As Opposed To, A Belly Itcher?

2010-03-18T01:55:00.000-04:00

"I think one day I'd like to become an actual pitcher." -Mike Pelfrey, a pitcher

Aah, to be young and have dreams. I myself would like to be an actual blogger. You know, the kind that actually blogs and not just spews a lot of crap like I do now. Or maybe the kind who goes viral and turns his random spews into a television show. One day ... one day.

Though I'm not sure what to think about Pelfrey dreaming about the betterment of his world while watching a movie about the world's end, the process must work on some level since he took his new continental landscape to the Red Sox on Wednesday. Pelfrey bounced back from his last battle with Boston to throw four innings of one run ball, which is a perfectly acceptable step forward.

I'd like to say something on the record ...

(Hey, stupid! Everything you say is on the record ... it's called THE INTERNET!!!)

I guess that's why I'll never be a real blogger. But I want to say something that's more on the record than most things I say because I'm going to give you a high hope: Ready? Here goes:

I'm betting on Mike Pelfrey to bounce back this season.

I figure the odds are with us on that one. We've got three pitchers in the middle of the rotation who are on a downswing. Odds are one of them has to surprise the hell out of us in a good way just by the law of averages. I mean, look at Generation K. One of them turned out to have a decent major league career (unless you count Paul Wilson's 40-58 record as decent). It's the law of averages ... one out of three, slightly better than Anderson Hernandez's slugging percentage (good luck there, Cleveland ... I'm sure we'll get him back by August anyway).

Pelfrey, Oliver Perez, and John Maine aren't Generation K. More like Generation A.D.D. I've gotta pick one of them to bounce back and be useful (and frankly, if that happens I'd be ecstatic, considering how John Lackey's performing this spring ... Omar!) John Maine? Not after his string of injuries, and certainly not after his "I wasn't into it" quote. That sounds like something I said after getting a 54 on a Physics quiz in high school.

Oliver Perez? Don't get me started. "But Metstradamus, he had four hitless innings against the Tigers! Where's the love?" I want to see Oliver Perez toss that kind of ball all spring before I even think about falling under his hypnosis, only to be jarred out of it by 8 runs in 1 and 2/3's by "Bad Ollie". Then, I want to see him carry it over into the regular season and go at least six innings every start before I rush out to get my cream colored Perez jersey. And let's just say I'm not setting my money aside.

Pelfrey? He's the one ... the one who had the great half-season without being in the middle of a contract year. Of course he's also the one who easily gets distracted with pick-off moves, balks, and shiny objects like jingling keys. But that's why he's the leader of Generation A.D.D. And as the leader he's the one that needs to set an example. Besides, worrying about secondary pitches means less time worrying about how many runs he's going to balk home in a single game. So he's the one. 17-10. Law of averages.

You've Got Questions, I Just Have More Questions

2010-03-17T02:49:00.000-04:00

If Alex Cora was worth every penny of the $2.5 million the Mets paid him to be Jose Reyes insurance, then why would the Mets consider acquiring Cristian Guzman when it's time to cash in on the insurance policy?

Did Omar Minaya wake up and realize "Holy %$@#, we've gotta play Alex Cora every day!!!"

That's it, Rafael Santana's coming to camp to teach Ike Davis to play shortstop. Snoop loves the versatility anyway, so it works out.

And how is it that from January until know, I've completely forgotten that Josh Fogg was on the team?

Oh that's right, I remember now. He tried to slay a dragon and tweaked his side.

All other questions that I can't answer myself have been directed to your leader in WilVlog 3.0. Enjoy:

The Mascots just get angrier and angrier.

Please Put Your Complaint In The Box

2010-03-16T03:11:00.000-04:00

How long before Jimmy Rollins complains that the goggles are too flashy and distracting and showboaty?

Turning A Lemon Into A Sponsorship

2010-03-15T04:03:00.000-04:00

You know what struck me about Saturday's game?

Not the nine run 7th inning which featured four home runs ... though that was cool.

Not Oliver Perez's four hitless innings ... that was just plain mind-blowing (yet strangely typical of Oliver's inconsistency).

No, it's that the newly created shortstop battle between Alex Cora and Ruben Tejada has a sponsor. Seriously. "This battle for shortstop is sponsored by the new movie The Bounty Hunter" is what was read during the television broadcast with the accompanying graphic.

Leave it to the Mets to turn a season changing injury into a profit. It's strangely admirable.

Ain't That The Truth

2010-03-13T03:22:00.000-05:00

True story:

Going home on the E train, and I go in the front car which is probably where I am most of the time on the train. I walk in wearing a sweatshirt with a Mets logo and I go to lean on the door where the conductor is in. At that very moment, the conductor opens the door so I get caught in a moment of stifled momentum. Wearing the Mets gear, I'm surprised the door didn't separate my shoulder.

The conductor looks at me and I'm thinking it's that "what the hell are you doing leaning on the door ... don't you read the signs that say don't lean on the door of the subway car" look. So I immediately apologize to him. What do you think the conductor says to me at that moment?

"Dude, you're gonna need a replacement shortstop."

It was a re-affirmation moment for me. This guy most likely has never read my blog or heard of my blog. But he looked at my Mets logo and immediately went into a Jose Reyes riff. He's why I blog.

So thanks for that.

And for not crashing the train into the retaining wall at Forest Hills. Last thing I need is a 2009 metaphor.

Six? Seven? Eight? Nine? Are You Out There?

2010-03-12T02:30:00.000-05:00

"We're still going to have to pitch. Whether Jose or Carlos Beltran is there, No. 2, 3, 4 and 5 are going to have to pitch." -Jerry Manuel

No they don't, silly.

John Maine might be out by Game 3, Oliver Perez could run off and join the Peace Corps (boy, that would make Volunteers seem like an MSNBC documentary aired at 4AM), and if Mike Pelfrey's sinker doesn't start finding a way to sink, then enough outings like Thursday against the Red Sox could drive him to become the first player in the history of Earth to go on the DL with Attention Deficit Disorder.

And all those fifth starters? Boy band.

So 2-5? They don't really have to pitch at all. It just means that Johan is going to have to pitch every day and go through an aggressive regimen of power naps and cryogenics to bring his dead arm back to life between starts. It's all about Prevention and Recovery, right?

Good thing Jeff Wilpon has improved the promotions so that we'll all forget that 2-5 are actually going to have to pitch:

12 Angry Mascots provides the comedic version of the owner's son.

What If It Was Reyes Hanging Up On This Wall?

2010-03-11T15:04:00.000-05:00

No more Filet-o-Fish for you, Jose Reyes.

Okay, so maybe Reyes wasn't throwing down boxes filled with the high calorie goodness with gobs of tartar sauce from Mickey D's, but now that option isn't there (it's kind of like when you break your fingers and the doctor regrets to inform you that your piano playing career is over even though you've never played piano in your life.)

You know what other option is out the window? You guessed it: Baseball related activities ... and that includes plain ol' exercise in this case. Between two and eight weeks is what the doctors are recommending Reyes rest up to deactivate his thyroid a little bit ... so add a few weeks on top of that so Reyes can get back to baseball shape coming off an injury. Just one jumping jack before then could put him back at square one. (No, I'm not a doctor.)

So best case is probably a Reyes return around April 20th. Worst case for Reyes might be about June 1. You're talking a possibility of two months without Reyes and Carlos Beltran. The field may have lapped the Mets by then. But think of it this way: Last season's Mets would have ignored the diagnosis of rest and put a shot of cortisone right in his throat. So we're making progress here.

So no Filet-O-Fish. And no shrimp tacos either ... ironic since the first commercial after the half inning where Keith, Kevin and Ron talked about Reyes' condition was for the new shrimp tacos from Taco Bell. That's ... just ... cruel.

I imagine every time Reyes sees this, he'll have to wipe away a tear.

Nothing compared to the tears fans will be shedding every time Anderson Hernandez is trusted to do ... anything.

Sage Wisdom

2010-03-10T04:23:00.000-05:00

Leave it to Ralph Kiner to provide perspective during Tuesday's telecast:

"It's not even worth questioning because you know what's gonna happen ... When you're a star pitcher like he is it doesn't mean a thing what he does today, tomorrow, or the next day. It's when the bell rings that it counts and that's all they have to worry about." -Ralph Kiner on Johan Santana's rough outing on Tuesday

I really don't need to hear any more than that. And for those of you who may wonder why Oliver Perez gets the brunt of spring hate while Santana gets to go into the EZ-Pass lane I only say this: When Oliver Perez becomes a star pitcher who doesn't fall out of shape after signing a big contract, call me. Otherwise, I'll hold on to that extra standard, thanks. I was fooled once before.

Besides, Santana gave up a home run to freakin' Kaz Matsui. And anything Kaz Matsui does against the Mets should be inadmissible in the court of public opinion. For heaven's sake he once hit two home runs against Billy Wagner in an intersquad game. He's been killing the Mets ever since he was ... a Met! Hopefully the Astros will take advantage of this special offer:

"Orioles general manager Andy MacPhail said the Orioles may begin to seek outside help at second base. The status of Brian Roberts is starting to become a legitimate concern."

Gee, would have been nice to know this two months ago.

Oh well. Omar Minaya probably would have gotten little more than pocket lint for him anyway. Besides, there are greater things to be concerned with than trading Luis Castillo and how Johan Santana does in a spring training outing ... like who the hell let Roger Clemens into Port St. Lucie and why didn't security promptly throw him out for crimes against humanity? Is this where my tax dollars are going? I really could care less if all the Astros on the 40 man roster were related to Clemens. He can watch Koby on MLB.TV like the rest of us.

Are You A Wil-Pal?

2010-03-09T13:06:00.001-05:00

Never let it be said that the Mets aren't in tune with the expanding technology and the expanding social media landscape. When the C.O.O. of the Mets puts together a video blog, you know this is a team that is ahead of the curve when it comes to the Internet technology.

And now, you can watch as Jeff Wilpon lets fans in on the excitement of the 2010 season with the first installment of his "WilVlog":

Comedy goodness comes courtesy of 12 Angry Mascots

Shut Down In The Corner

2010-03-09T03:46:00.000-05:00

When they say "shut down" in football, you think of Darrelle Revis: Shut Down Corner. The Mets version is Kelvim Escobar: Shut Down For Shoulder Soreness.

Now that he's out indefinitely, it makes you wonder why the Mets gave him guaranteed money if he was this fragile. And the only answer I could come up with was this: With Jose Reyes' hamstring pretty much healthy, the Mets had a spot open for that player who was perpetually two-three weeks away from returning that we have no choice but to hear about endlessly even though he's doing nothing. Escobar fits that bill well right now. Consider what we'll have the opportunity to read in the papers or hear reported on "Cash For Gold Pre-Game Live" for the next few months:

"Kelvim Escobar threw off flat ground today. Team doctors think he may be two-three weeks away."

"Kelvim Escobar performed Jerry Manuel's 'Let's Put the Pitchers at Shortstop For No Good Reason' drills without incident. Manuel told reporters that Escobar is two-three weeks away, but sources revealed that Manuel may have been kidding."

"Kelvim Escobar fed strained peas to a baby and his arm didn't sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies in the process. Omar Minaya thinks that Escobar may be two-three weeks away, but that he couldn't be sure about that until he confirms it with the Wilpons."

"Kelvim Escobar participated in agility drills and managed not to step on one of the hidden mine-fields that Tony Bernazard had buried during a 2009 motivational tactic gone horribly wrong. Escobar is thought to be two-three weeks away unless Bernazard shows up at camp and challenges him to a fight."

It's just a way to keep the Mets in the press.

Cause Of Death: Oliver's Doughnut

2010-03-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

It's official: Not even Sandy Koufax can help Oliver Perez.
Just when I was staring to feel good ... Ike Davis was raking, Jenrry Mejia's pitches were moving, Fernando Martinez hits two dingers against the Nats on Saturday ... here comes Perez to remind us that it does no good to have Davis and Martinez with the big club if they're going to do nothing but watch more Ollie gopher balls fly into the Pepsi Porch.

Perez made his long anticipated (long feared) spring debut, and gave up five runs in three innings. Would have been six if not for a Frenchy cannon from the outfield. Between this and Mike Pelfrey's not-so-hot outing on Saturday, the fear now is that the starting rotation is going to be a big giant doughnut. Great on the ends with Johan Santana and Niese/Nieve/Figueroa at five, who instill more confidence in me right now than Ollie/Little Pelf/John Maine who make up the jelly in the so-called middle. To me, Ollie's extremely lucky that Hisanori Takahashi had a stellar debut Sunday, or else instead of talking about Takahashi we'd be talking more about how the S.S. Metropolitan is sinking ... on March 7th.

But at least Oliver's throwing strikes. Great, except his strikes go faster the other way.

With Perez, it's a matter of choosing your demise. Will it be two to the back of the head (strikes)? Or will it be a million paper cuts (balls)? In any event you will die. And your death certificate will list Perez's linescore that particular night under "cause of death".

Guilt Trip

2010-03-06T00:08:00.001-05:00

Remember when Larry Andersen wanted to "put one in Jose Reyes' neck"?

Well now Reyes is returning to New York for tests because of a hyperactive thyroid, which is in his neck. So may Larry Andersen and the 74 mph fastball he rode in on be ridden with guilt for the rest of his days.

And may Reyes come out of the woods on this soon. While hamstrings may be fair excuses to make silly jokes about the medical staff, hyperactive thyroids are not. (But feel free to make Larry Andersen feel bad anyway.) And they are also unfair to put on the list when talking about somebody who's "injury prone". So while Prevention may not have had a chance on this one, let's encourage Recovery to save its best work for whatever Reyes has. Thankfully, an expert on the situation thinks that what Reyes has isn't going to keep him from playing ball for any length of time.

So there's nobody to hammer on this one until Reyes gets well ... or until the medication he takes to control it is found to be on Bud Selig's banned substance list after it's too late.

***

All right, so here's the question I was faced with today and I put to you ... the smart ones: Would it be wise to consider keeping Jenrry Mejia with the big club as a reliever if he continues to dominate like he did against the Marlins on Friday? Or would you rather keep him in Buffalo as a starter so that he can one day help out your rotation which needs more help down the road than the 'pen? Goose bumped debut aside, I vote for caution.

Of course, I'm the one who tried to rationalize that Doug Mientkiewicz was a better fit for Shea Stadium than Carlos Delgado in 2005, so what the hell do I know?

***

And where's the unwritten rule that says somebody named Mike Stanton must torture me at all times?

Turning On A Dime

2010-03-05T01:21:00.000-05:00

I'm sure many of you were excited to see Gary Matthews Jr. hustle all the way to second on the wind blown base hit he had to lead off Thursday's game against St. Louis. And why wouldn't you be? It's that kind of hustle that has been magnified whenever the Mets showed a lack of it on the basepaths for the last few seasons, or when their opponents hustle to cap off horrible Mets losses to be replayed on YES until the end of time (see: Teixeira, Mark).

So when The Corporal busted it to second, you got a little giddy. I don't blame you.

Now, those of you who admitted you were giddy ... you were the same people who were more giddy later in the day when you found out the Reds had some interest in Matthews, weren't you? Ah? Ah? Come on, admit it. I'll admit it. I was one of those people too.

Well here's your wet blanket: The Reds have denied the allegations ... swiftly and emphatically. They didn't even use the word "investigate" five times in the same sentence. Though they did mention five other outfielders they would rather have than Corporal. No truth to the rumor that one of them was Moises Alou.

***

On another note completely, I've seen Ike Davis get two hits, including Thursday's grand slam. You know when you're hungover, and some idiot decides it's a good idea to slam his books on the table and normally it wouldn't bother you but you're hungover and your idiot friend's books sound like the bass drum playing the 1812 Overture? Yeah, that's what those Ike Davis hits sound like.

Buffalo's going to be really good this year (cough ... don't rush him ... cough).

***

In close to five years doing this, I've never typed the name "Kiko Calero" in this space. Now that he's a Met, I'm sure this isn't going to be the last time. The key will be: What will I type after "Kiko Calero"? Will it be "big strikeout"? Or will it be ... "James Andrews"?

Encouraging Your Alcoholic Tendencies (And Your Destructive Reading Habit)

2010-03-04T03:02:00.000-05:00

Amazin' Avenue is one of my favorite blogs in life.

And now it's in book form so you can have all the fun of your favorite blog without having to log on to anything or deal with Windows Vista. Because as you know this computer thing is just a fad to keep you entertained while scientists work on a microchip to put every piece of the Internet into your brain before the feds manipulate that chip via remote control to make you believe what they want to believe and force you all to become passive people who eat nothing but Activia, watch nothing but tabloid entertainment shows and root for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Crap ... I've said too much.

But boys and girls, go grab the Amazin' Avenue Annual when it comes out on Friday. It features:

Passages from many of your favorite "AA" authors ...
A few from outside the Amazin Avenue world, and ... are you ready for this ...
A drinking game that you can play during Mets telecasts that will give "AA" a completely different meaning for you by the end of September.

And that's all just the beginning. So don't just fall off the wagon, dive off it and into the world of the Amazin' Avenue Annual. To borrow a curling phrase, hurry hard and get this book. And, y'know, drink.

The Ballad Of Ray Ramirez

2010-03-03T03:24:00.001-05:00

You would think with not only Prevention, but Recovery too, that you wouldn't see Ray Ramirez on a major league field until at least the second game of spring training. Nope. Game 1. Elmer Dessens gets hit with a line drive and there's Ray Ramirez ... again. He's ubiquitous (look it up).

I know, I know. You can't prevent a line drive to the leg. I know this. It's nobody's fault. But how am I supposed to turn the page on 2009 when we can't get through a week without seeing Ray Ramirez?

But on the bright side, Larry Jones was nowhere to be found, Snoop gave Nick Evans his first at-bat since the '87 World Series, and the Mets still haven't lost since September. Hope springs eternal.

Oh wait, there's Ray Ramirez looking at Hope's hamstring. It sprung just a little too much there.

Easy On The Pissery

2010-03-02T04:24:00.001-05:00

I love the Mets.

I'm sure that fact is easy to forget from your perspective as you read my constant razzes, piling on, and flat out pissery. (If Snoop Manuel can make up crackpot theories as to why Oliver Perez is wild, then I can make up new meanings for existing words, so deal with it.) So it's something I need to make it clear and reiterate sometimes. Everyone has their cross to bear ... loving the Mets is mine.

Yet I'm not one of those people that think winter is cold and lonely and that I need to inject caffeine straight into my veins to get through the 3-4 months without real live baseball. Winter is fun. This might have been more fun than others. I saw the Jets get to the AFC Championship game. I saw USA Hockey get to overtime of the gold medal game, and I'm about to go on the wild ride that is the Rangers make a big push for ninth place. Woo hoo.

And I also saw the Nets win six games ... one of them against the Celtics after they traded for Nate Robinson.

(After that I saw a chipmunk on downers with a broken leg drop 40 points on Robinson.)

Winter? Suits me just fine. A winter without the Mets? Probably did a little good for my sanity.

And yet I knew ... I knew that I was growing wistful for the Mets when I was watching the Winter Olympics, and I couldn't watch John Shuster cost the American curlers three wins on last rock without thinking of Aaron Heilman. And when all the alpine skiers started looking like Jose Offerman angrily wielding a baseball bat at a minor league pitcher, I knew I was starting to miss the game.

But when I was yelling at Carlos Baerga last night for missing an easy tag on Joe Girardi during the airing of a game that happened 14 years ago ... a game the Mets won, I knew I needed a ballgame, quickly.

Thankfully, we'll get one today.

And it's fitting that in the first game against a live opponent (don't give me intersquad ... we talkin' bout practice, man) it's Nelson Figueroa that will get the start. Not only is it nice to see Nelson get a chance to make the team after being tossed around the organization like a Jeremy Reed throw from first, it provides a certain symmetry from tossing in those long shadows that only meaningless October baseball can provide to pitching in the splashy sun that only spring training in Florida can muster up. It's Figueroa who provides the bridge between the despair of last season and the promise of 2010. And if you've reached the end of that bridge without jumping, then welcome to the season. If you haven't reached the end of the bridge, you've got about a month to get there.

But whether you're ready, or you're not, there's one thing we can all agree on:

How the hell did Baerga miss that tag? It's Joe Girardi for crissakes! A damn catcher!!! When are we going to be out from Baerga's contract so we can go sign Luis Castillo?

Government Job

2010-03-01T02:05:00.000-05:00

Lurking In The Weeds

2010-02-26T20:24:00.000-05:00

"We’ve been talking to them for a good part of the offseason. I am still just being patient, waiting for the right deal." -Joe Beimel on being courted by the Mets this offseason.

Well this only came a year too late as the Mets have needed a second lefty in the bullpen since Scott Schoeneweis was misused in 2008. But I'll take it. Just make sure Beimel adheres to curfew if he signs.

The Incomplete Slogan

2010-02-25T15:26:00.002-05:00

The Yankees had Mystique and Aura. The Mets? They have Prevention and Recovery. Boy, we're really running out of stripper names. No wonder we're held back as a species.

See, Jeff Wilpon's way of overhauling the medical procedures is to add a slogan and make a logo. It's like slapping a coat of nice paint over a busted septic tank. Well, Prevention and Recovery are off to a rip-roaring start. But just as there was no room in the budget for Jason Marquis, there's no room on the logo for the word "Diagnosis".

"Closer Francisco Rodriguez has pinkeye.

The Mets told K-Rod not to even show up at camp Thursday, although it's certainly not expected to be a setback."

Yeah. Surgery is on Thursday.

Also this from Ed Price:

"It took a week to figure out it was pinkeye."

Must have thought it was swine flu ... or bone spurs. Boy I hope those cortisone shots in both his eyes weren't too painful.

But I look at it this way: What would you rather have, Frankie resting with Pinkeye, or Frankie pitching every other day at the World Baseball ~~Wheel Of Injury~~ Classic?

Positivity, pass it on ... but please wipe your hands with some Purell before you do so.

Rethinking My Position

2010-02-22T23:10:00.000-05:00

Oliver Perez threw a bullpen session today.

Nobody died.

I was wrong. I guess hope really does spring eternal.

A Snoop Manuel Joint

2010-02-22T03:14:00.000-05:00

The people that brought you the 80 pitch drill present:

Big Pelf on bizarre drill of pitchers fielding grounders at SS: "If there's a couple more injuries, one of us will have to move over there." -A Tweet from Newsday's David Lennon

You want to see a couple more injuries? Have Oliver Perez make some throws from shortstop. You'll get a couple more injuries.

So the pitchers are taking grounders at shortstop. Well, I guess you can never be too prepared since that situation comes up all the time (and by all the time, I mean never).

Coming up on Monday: The shortstops play left, the middle infielders play right, the third basemen throw in relief, the marketing department covers first on a bunt, and the outfielders play hockey. This way, everybody can do everything, and Snoop will have more time to write jokes since he won't have to spend so much time doing any actual managing. It's so stupid, it's brilliant! (And by brilliant, I mean stupid.)

Have Cream Will Travel

2010-02-20T17:15:00.008-05:00

"If we have to go with (Omir), we will." -Snoop Manuel

And with that, you knew the deed wasn't far away. That one line was the equivalent of the mob boss kissing you on both cheeks, telling you your days were numbered. The Mets' signing of Rod Barajas took forever, but the fate of Omir Santos was quickly sealed with a virtual two to the back of the head.

It happens that quick. It wasn't even nine months ago that Santos was participating in the two high points of the 2009 season, one of them against some guy named Papelbon. His clutch hits leapfrogged him over both Brian Schneider and Fluff Castro to the point that an afternoon game had to be delayed for like four hours so that Santos could pinch hit for Fluff ... only to pop out with the bases loaded. But a couple of well timed hits later sent Fluff to Chicago to catch a perfect game, Omir in the sweetheart suite, and Schneider to the doghouse (and eventually to Philadelphia).

And now, perhaps in no small part to some starters subtly begging for another catcher to work with, Omir is a man without a home. Where exactly is he going to go? He isn't going to be the backup, that's Hank White's job now. Buffalo? Sorry, Josh Thole needs to play. And Chris Coste needs to be that positive influence as Thole's backup. So where will Omir go? Can the Mets really get anybody of value for a guy who gets on base less than three out of every ten and has a 1.000 career average against Jonathan Papelbon?

No Catcher Left Behind

2010-02-19T03:05:00.001-05:00

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy." -John Denver

Well it's no wonder that the Mets are making crazy predictions about World Series and what not. All this sun is making them giddy. And who could blame them after all the snow we've had here lately, and all the rotten they've had for three years.

World Series predictions? Hell, why not. Why not be excited for a day? We have the whole summer to chastise the Mets for their mouths writing checks that their OPS can't cash. We all like to talk about "hope springs eternal" and all of the lovely prose that goes with the first official day of spring training (which when you really think about it, is a date that holds less and less significance every year with the truckloads of players that report early every year, not to mention the extended spring training that was July through September last season), so why not throw some wacky predictions around for a day? That's what the official first day of spring training is for. Optimism

After that, of course, all bets are off. Especially when all of the progress made over the next month and a half are in the abstract. The season is full of wins and losses. The off-season can be easily measured in statistics, dollars, and happy-to-be-heres. Spring training? Lots of stretching. Lots of games scouted by Buffalo. Real indications of how the season is going to play out? Not from John Maine pitching against Broward County Community College (nice one, Brad). No, no real clues unless Ryan Church comes to recreate his carom off Marlon Anderson, or Omar Minaya signs five more catchers to complete his controversial gene splicing experiment to see if he can create Joe Mauer from the DNA of Josh Thole, Rod Barajas, Chris Coste, Gary Carter, Manny Sanguillen, Jack Clements, three sheep and a turkey club sandwich. Then we'll all have a clue as to whether we're doomed to misery or not.

Until then, we can dream ... at least until Kelvim Escobar goes for that inevitable MRI.

Secretary Of Walking Off

2010-02-12T08:01:00.004-05:00

Frankie Rodriguez gave up 11 runs in three innings against Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez and members of his cabinet in a slow pitch softball game on Thursday.

At least now we have someone to blame if Frankie bombs this season. I mean ... three innings? C'mon. It's like the World Baseball Classic all over again. And why is he playing softball when he should be working with Shawn Riggans, Luke Montz, and the other 59 catchers on the roster. He's got a lot of catching up to do. (Get it? "Catching" up to do? It's a Mets pun!)

But at least there was a legitimate explanation for giving up 11 runs in three innings: Chavez's cabinet apparently includes Justin Maxwell and Everth Cabrera.

(Editor's note: For more "gems" such as the ones above, join Metstradamus as he continues to make people regret buying computers with his weekly internet appearance on Sportstalk NY Live. It all happens Sunday night at 9PM on Ustream's new Talk USA channel ... click it. Don't be afraid. Mark Rosenman and A.J. Carter also welcome real guests, and this Valentine's Day you'll love interviews with 1969 Mets Jerry Koosman, Jack DiLauro, and Ron Swoboda. Plus, the author of The Last Days of Shea, your friend and mine: Dana Brand. It all happens Valentine's Night starting at 9PM. Now go buy a computer.)

Takahashi Crystals

2010-02-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

No Hard Feelings, Chum?

2010-02-10T01:36:00.001-05:00

At least Mike Jacobs doesn't take getting traded personally.

Jacobs is reportedly close to returning to the Mets on a free agent deal, completing the circle of life that had Jacobs traded for Carlos Delgado and making his return the season after Delgado leaves. But it kinda has me scratching my head. Sure, it's a minor league deal, but for his lack of an on base percentage, Jacobs provides some of the power that the Mets have been looking for. So why would the Mets sign him simply to strengthen Buffalo? Unless ...

Unless Jacobs is another one of those moving parts to make a trade with the Reds happen by including Daniel Murphy.

Nah, makes too much sense. Jeff Wilpon wants the Bisons to be a triple-A force. And why would Keith Hernandez bother to spend time teaching Murphy how to play first base? Besides, we know that in addition to the fact that the Mets have now unofficially run out of money (Jacobs is the guy who breaks the bank?), Omar Minaya is only permitted to do one thing at a time:

But that didn't stop the large market GM from claiming career minor-leaguer Jason Pridie off waivers from the Twins yesterday. In an ironic twist, that move enabled the small market Twins to put Orlando Hudson on their 40-man roster. Let that swill in your mouth a little bit.

Oh, sorry. Too negative? Let's translate that last paragraph for the ever growing Sunshine Brigade:

The Mets claimed outfielder Jason Pridie off waivers yesterday. Pridie is low-risk, high-reward.

All right, all right. You want positive for realz, yo? Okay, here goes: Hey, good thing the Mets don't have a pesky winter caravan or a fan fest anymore. It prevents foul-mouthed stuff like this from happening.

Because Cleansing Is Necessary

2010-02-09T02:38:00.001-05:00

Maybe all of the Mets problems can be traced back to this:

Yup, there's Mookie in a St. Louis Cardinals wool hat to support his son Preston in a World Series that the Mets were one base hit against Adam Wainwright away from being a participant in.

Do I blame Mookie for supporting a blood relative? No. Archie Manning played for the Saints for forty-five years and he still rooted for his son to beat his former team, right? Of course, Archie wasn't decked out in Colts gear but hey, it was cold in St. Louis that night. I blame Carlos Beltran more for letting that first pitch fastball get by him against Wainwright in Game 7 which ended the at-bat well before that curveball ... but I digress.

You had to be around for the rivalry against the Cardinals in the 80's to really feel the sink in your heart at the sight of Mookie wearing Cardinals colors. Think how you young'ins would feel seeing Mike Piazza wearing a tomahawk on his hat, or Pedro Martinez wearing a Phill ... oh, right.

So Mookie Wilson in a Mets uniform again, even as a minor league coach, is the best karma this organization has seen in just about three years. Whether that karma is trumped by Oliver Perez remaining in a Mets uniform remains to be seen.

And The Real Estate Is Cheaper

2010-02-05T03:55:00.002-05:00

So I guess the question now is this: When does that Fernando Martinez for Yorvit Torrealba trade happen?

"When [Carlos] Beltran had surgery, I thought I had a chance, and maybe they would give me a chance at center. But they get Matthews Jr., and now I'm not sure where I am. I just can't give up. I know I'm a big league player, and I can perform at a high level. It's in my hands, so I have to keep working hard and maybe earn a spot. Maybe I make it to the big leagues with the Mets or maybe another team, but I know I can do it. I just have to keep working and waiting for my opportunity." -Fernando Martinez

Dude ... May I call you dude? You're only 21 years young, you were on the interstate in your time up here, and you haven't proven you can put a full season together without pulling ... anything. So dude, calm down a tad.

But once again, the Mets have seen a super-duper prospect's trade value dip before he could be traded for a guy like Matt Holliday or the like (see: Milledge, L.) The problem is: With Bay, Beltran and Frenchy (not to mention Corporal Matthews) blocking the entrance, the only way Martinez's value rises is if he hits .450 in Buffalo (good luck with that), or depend on another injury to vault back in the majors and hit a couple of moon shots into the Pepsi Porch. Part of it is the general practice of rushing their prospects through the lower levels. Part of it ... plain bad luck with injuries forcing him up to the majors before his time. But it lends itself to that whole "least efficient team in baseball" reputation in a new and different way.

So who are the Mets going to get for the guy they wouldn't trade for Johan Santana, Matt Holliday, or anybody else?

And when will Martinez become a mere Mets trivia question?

A Physical? Why, That Would Cost Money!

2010-02-02T02:30:00.001-05:00

Gotta love an organization like the Mets that dares to fly in the face of conventional wisdom.

You know who else loves the Mets' organization? Used car dealers. They practically trip over themselves getting to Omar and Jeff trying to sell them a family wagon where the engine has been replaced by cupcakes and printer ink.

"What? A post trade physical? Come ahhhhhhhhhn! Where's your sense of danger? This world has gotten too safe. Live a little! It's like playing Let's Make A Deal where you never really know what's behind that curtain or in that box. Remember how much fun you had watching Let's Make A Deal when you were a kid? Come on, think positive and man up!!!"

But don't you kids find it fitting that an organization run by businessmen who were taken by a Ponzi scheme would blow something so simple like giving a guy with bone chips in his elbow a physical after trading for him? Because, y'know, damn near every trade ever made in the world in the last thirty years is immediately followed by the words "pending physicals." But not the Mets. Noooooooooo, not them. That's not nearly exciting enough for Mets fans. And excitement is what the Mets are about!

"Well we had no time for a real physical. Physicals cost money, and waste valuable time. And as you know, time is money. And we knew that one day that money would go towards bringing back Fernando Tatis for a third season. So we had a guy come in with a mallet to hit him on the knee and turns out Putz was fine. No no, doc was legit. He took a course."

The best part about the whole l'affaire is the Mets official response (not like the unofficial ones in the italics above.)

"“In our review of the player’s medical records in the acquisition of J.J. Putz, we were aware that he had a bone spur before the trade. He had the same condition in 2008 and was able to pitch with it. J.J. underwent an exam during Spring Training and an additional exam and MRI before he was cleared to play in last year’s World Baseball Classic. Unfortunately the spur did flare up again in May, and he missed the rest of the season."

Ooooooh ... BAZING! What a response!!!!! Except, y'know, it disputes nothing that Putz said in the "controversial" interview.

"When the trade went down last year, I never really had a physical with the Mets,” said Putz. “I had the bone spur (in the right elbow). It was discovered the previous year in Seattle, and it never got checked out by any other doctors until I got to spring training, and the spring training physical is kind of a formality. It was bugging me all through April, and in May I got an injection. It just got to the point where I couldn't pitch. I couldn't throw strikes, my velocity was way down."

Sounds to me like player and team are on the same page! Tremendous!!! Too bad the player is no longer a part of the team he's on the same page with.

But remember, one is an exception, two is a trend.

Putz’s season was over. And he learned a very important lesson: "That it’s my career, and when you know something doesn't feel right, and they want to take these little sidesteps to do something, and just wait and wait and wait, you got to get it taken care of instead of trying to prolong the inevitable."

Vindication ... thy name is Carlos Beltran.

But there was something about the Mets threw into their official response that was telling.

"We are happy to hear he is feeling well, and wish him success with the White Sox."

Yes, we've seen this kind of quote before. Here's the loose translation:

"Jam it where the sun doesn't shine, J.J."

Funny if a Mets doctor had done that, we might not be in this mess.

Yeah, we might still have Aaron Heilman.

"See! We knew what we were doing all along!"

Sight, Sound, But Never Mind

2010-01-31T05:51:00.005-05:00

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as right field, and as timeless as Mike Piazza's mustache. It is the middle ground between Shea, and Citi. Between a level swing, and a barbecue at Hojo's house. At it lies between the pit of your stomach, and the line at Shake Shack. This is the dimension of an active imagination. It is an area which we call ... The Twilight Zone.

"Look, things were pretty bleak in 2004."

"Very bleak in 2004 ... before I got here."

"I got Carlos Beltran after 2004."

"2004."

"Hey why are the Red Book and Green Book from 2004 sitting on my coffee table?"

"Oh my God, it's 2004!!!!!!!!!"

"Let's see, let me flip through this Red Book. Who's good, who's good ... ummm, Frank Catalanotto! I will trade for him!!!"

"Now I need someone from the Green Book to find som... John Smoltz!!! I'll certainly make a splash by trading with Atlanta for the great John Smoltz! Ooooooooooh! Now I need to clear room on my mantle for that Executive of the Year trophy!"

Submitted for your approval: A general manager desperate to escape his current problems running a baseball team that his mind drags him back to the very season he started. Maybe to escape his current situation? Maybe to erase the last five seasons from his memory? What would drive a man to pursue two men, relevant five years prior, yet barely on the fringes of everybody's mind now? The answer can only come if you take a trip to a dimension far, far away ... in the Twilight Zone.

***

(Editor's note: Before anybody jumps down my throat for being negative about anything and everything ... and I know some of you are sharpening your internet swords as you read this ... Frank Catalanotto is a halfway decent signing. There, I said it ... so save your attacks. This piece was meant to illustrate the point that Frank Catalanotto is a good player, but a good player who everybody wanted to be a Met five years ago. Instead we get him now ... now that he's 35 years old which seems to be the cut off point as Omar thinks that players need to age like wine. I mean who's next ... Gregg Jefferies? I shouldn't joke about that. He's younger than Julio Franco. Well, here's hoping that Catalanotto is more Pinot Noir than Thunderbird.)

Redding v Bacsik: Who Ya Got?

2010-01-30T14:00:00.002-05:00

I love when ex-Mets do battle.

Tim Redding on Barry Bonds' 756th home run:

"I mean, the guy that gave it up, I never want to speak ill of anybody. Mike Bacsik is a stand-up guy. He's a little quirky, but he's a nice guy, means well. I think he wanted to give it up. And he can say what he wants in defense or whatnot, but doing the chart, I mean, every ball that Barry hit, the ball was center cut, right down the middle, fastball. You know, I think maybe inside he was thinking he was going to get a little bit more publicity. Maybe, you know, publicity and some money out of it, appearances, stuff like that."

Mike Bacsik, on Tim Redding:

Obviously, I didn't try to give it up. It was a 3-2 pitch, and the pitch before I threw a curveball that was just foul. Did I throw the ball good that night? No, but to say I tried to give up the home run I don't think is very smart. I was fighting for my life in the big leagues. I thought I might get sent down. As time goes by, stories like [what Redding said] will happen. Tim and I had our differences. I don't know what to say to that. Tim is not the first person to say that. I don't want to bash Tim."

Oh yes you do.

"Tim Redding is one of the worst teammates I’ve ever had."

YES! Now we're talking. Maybe Jeff Wilpon can book these two to a cage match at Citi Field for some extra revenue. Dave Matthews can be the special guest referee. I'd buy.

Sadly, that will never happen. There's more of a chance that Wilpon will actually sign Bacsik, who hasn't pitched in a year, to a minor league deal.

Besides, Redding is all booked up doing card shows with Matt Wieters, Brendan Ryan, Blake DeWitt and Seth Smith.

They Call Him ... Dragon Slayer

2010-01-30T02:25:00.003-05:00

Well, awesome. Because boy have we got some dragons for you!

Yes, Josh Fogg ... this so called Dragonslayer ... is the newest pitcher added to the fold here in Queens. And in a winter where the Mets were in want of a starting pitcher, Fogg brings the total number of games started by Met acquisitions in 2009 to a grand total of three.

But Josh Fogg will find out that becoming a New York Met means he'll have to battle beasts scarier than mere dragons. And if he's going to slay these beasts he'll probably have to do it from the non-enviable position of being the new mop-up man/long reliever. Although knowing the Mets and their bad luck (which is the residue of bad design), he may be the second starter as he aims for the rotation.

So take your new sword, beastmaster, and shoo those beasts away:

Shoo beast, shoo.

You shall cast ye jinx no more!

Oh my God, IT'S HEADED RIGHT FOR YOU!!!

Voodoo Dolls, Mongolian Barbecue, And The Collective "You" (With A Drizzle Of Liquid Concrete)

2010-01-29T00:01:00.011-05:00

Bringing Fernando Tatis back, no matter how he may or may not help the Mets in 2010, is further proof that this is a regime that will never get out of his own way.

Forget that Nick Evans just threw away his Tatis voodoo doll (it obviously doesn't work.) But consider the following which Mack Ade crystallizes for us:

Instead of keeping Billy Wagner, offering arbitration, and getting two first round picks when Wagner goes to chase the closer's job he wasn't getting in New York, the Mets trade him to the Red Sox for Chris Carter ... a AAAA power hitting first baseman ... and in the process save over two million bucks.
Then, the Mets take most of that two million dollars and give it to Tatis to play first base. With Ike Davis most likely hitting Queens in 2011, they've basically insured that Carter, their big haul from the Wagner trade, will never spend any significant time with the New York Mets. They've also proven that their main concern with the Wagner trade was to save money ... and they didn't even do that right.

Don't worry. Maybe one day, the Mets will actually catch their tail. And maybe Carter and Val Pascucci can trade depressing stories over poker and Mongolian barbecue. Hopefully, they will save a seat for Evans and Craig Brazell at the table. And maybe they'll all flip on the Mets game in their hotel room and watch Wagner get Tatis to ground into a 4-6-3 double play to end a ballgame.

I ask you, as in the collective you, because the collective you is smarter than the collective me. What would you rather do ... spend $2.5 million on Corporal Matthews and $1.5 million (with incentives) on Fernando Tatis, or take that money and put it towards the two draft picks you would have gotten for Wagner, and just gone with Pagan in center and Murphy or Carter at first, hence start to think future while banking on the fragile present such as Reyes, Beltran and Santana to keep your head above water?

To me, Corporal is a waste of money no matter how much the Angels kick in, and while Tatis is okay (especially at a base of $800,000) outside of the odd double play or two or thirteen, he represents the Same Old Mets with the emphasis on "old" (Seems that "Same Old" label has gone from the Jets to the Mets in much the same way that Youppi went from the Expos to the Canadiens). And in the end he's pointless simply because you're waiting for Ike Davis anyway. So that's $3.3-4 million on anywhere from fair to poor instead of that money invested in the potential for great. It isn't like Matthews and Tatis are the final pieces to the puzzle ... they're merely expensive fixes for the leaks in the dam. It's like paying for liquid concrete when Mighty Putty is really all you need.

And if Corporal's UZR declines any further, I guarantee you liquid concrete will be the first think that comes to your mind as you watch another fly ball fall harmlessly to the ground.

Ocean's Five

2010-01-28T03:26:00.001-05:00

Ya gotta love Snoop's optimism when talking about basically going into 2010 with the same rotation as 2009 (save for Fernando Nieve instead of Livan Hernandez):

"We might be fortunate enough to get away with this."

Notice it wasn't "I'd go to war with these guys" or, "We can do this with the players we got", or some similar positive jargon. But "fortunate enough to get away with this." If Danny Ocean had said that in the meeting room, Terry Benedict would have caught him and his gang in the basement of the Bellagio and there wouldn't have been two sequels. The End.

"Fortunate enough to get away with this." Not exactly the inspirational tone I need when deciding on how many tickets to buy this season. I don't know about you, but I smell slogan.

"The 2010 New York Mets ... Wha? We Might Get Lucky!"

Snoop also came up with a good one concering Kelvim Escobar, who had committed to the Mets' mini-camp and then never showed up:

Manuel said he had no qualms with the veteran pitcher's decision to skip the voluntary workouts.

"Johan [Santana], it was important for me to see him and Oliver Perez," Manuel said. "I really wanted to see those guys."

Oh sure, five innings in two seasons, I've seen plenty. Just, just leave that old VHS of the Blue Jays' highlight reel from 1997 on my desk, that'll do just fine.

"The 2010 New York Mets ... I Don't Actually See The Pitchers."

From Fall, To Winter, To Fail

2010-01-26T15:54:00.001-05:00

As you can imagine, there's a lot of piling on when it comes to the Mets and, pretty much whatever they do. I should know, I'm probably the top guy on the pile (which is to say I get there really, really late), and the Mets have lost so much of the benefit of the doubt that if there's a pile, I'm on it.

That said, I'd like to believe that if the Mets had signed Ben Sheets, I would have been smart enough to realize that it was the best available move given what the Mets have done or not done this winter, and that it would have been, dare I say, the wise move. But alas, the Mets didn't sign Sheets. The Athletics did. And all that's really left to say is that this winter had been labeled as the most important in Mets history ... probably important enough to not go to their old standby of signing one very good player and throwing a whole bunch of spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.

Instead, the Mets reverted to their same ol' same ol' and did exactly that. Imagine if Jason Bay had doubled back and taken ~~Beirut's~~ the Red Sox' offer. Where would this franchise be? Heck, even Jason Bay only serves to replace the numbers that Carlos Delgado was supposed to bring to the table in 2009. So, even if you assume that all of their injuries are magically healed (which they aren't going to be), are the Mets really better going into 2010 than they were going into 2009? And don't you think they need to be after the most important off-season in Mets history?

Now you can tell me that at least the Mets were in it for Sheets, and they were. Just not at the end when it counted. But it's funny how when it was apparent that the Mets weren't getting Sheets, Snoop Manuel went into jilted lover mode:

"I don't think the inventory out there is great."

The feeling is apparently mutual. And as the inventory gets worse and worse every day, it tells me that there really wasn't anything Omar Minaya could have done to bring him here outside of giving him the key to the vault and a signed Jeff McKnight jersey. Because if Sheets' perception is that Oakland gives him a better chance to win than the Mets, it's a perception that has been cultivated at a level higher than Minaya ... cultivated in part by the decision to bring Minaya back even though his strengths and weaknesses are in direct conflict with what the Mets needed this winter.

It's a quote I'll remember when Minaya signs John Smoltz.

Enjoy It ... While You Can

2010-01-25T02:12:00.001-05:00

Congratulations, Dallas Clark. You're on your way to the Super Bowl after scoring a touchdown and beating my New York Jets. Your team was the better team and you deserve to be where you are. Not to throw cold water on your big day, but just remember this, fellow Met fan: In two weeks, this will all be over. And you're going to have to spend the summer watching Oliver Perez pitch just like the rest of us. So enjoy these two weeks while you can.

No, I'm not bitter at all.

Sunday Dreamin'

2010-01-24T06:18:00.001-05:00

I had a nightmare just now that Peyton Manning was firing darts all over the field against the Jets in the AFC title game. And Endy Chavez was in the stands next to me wearing a Gilligan hat and a Revis Island t-shirt.

And the very last pass that Manning threw ...

... struck out Carlos Beltran with the bases loaded.

Then he shot a commercial with Justin Timberlake at the 50-yard-line before accepting the Lamar Hunt Trophy. Omar Minaya then took the podium at Lucas Oil Field to announce that he had traded Shonn Greene for Sean Green and Shawn Green. In celebration, Dwight Freeney, Reggie Wayne, and Hanley Ramirez tied me up to the north goalpost and left me to die. Hours later, Tom Glavine sidled up next to me, put his arm around me, and told me that I had nothing to be devastated about. And that's when I woke up in a cold sweat.

I don't know what this means except for the fact that all those steroids I've been taking for purely medical purposes have made me hallucinate two sports at once (does that make me the Bo Jackson of nightmares?)

Well, I'm just glad that's over. And I'm glad that no matter what happens in the AFC Championship game today, it can't possibly be as bad as that.

Can it?

Go Jets.

Junk Anew

2010-01-23T03:20:00.001-05:00

So wait, Omar Minaya can't get anybody to take Luis Castillo off his hands by paying a portion of his remaining $12 million, but Tony Reagins found a sucker to take Gary Matthews Jr. by paying $21.5 million?

Oh right, because that sucker was Omar Minaya. It makes perfect sense now.

That's right ... Gary Matthews Jr., he of the one big year, the Mitchell Report appearance, and the not-so-steady decline, is a New York Met ... again. Omar apparently needed a one-hit wonder, and his Castillo-for-the-Baha-Men trade was rejected by Anslem Douglas.

And now, for the low-low price of $2 million, the Mets have created their own Conan vs. Leno battle, with Corporal Matthews in the role of the older Leno, while Angel Pagan ... who to the best of my knowledge has never dressed puppies up as cats or a Buggatti Veyron as a mouse ... is the younger Coco. Except that this battle isn't for the 11:30 time slot, it's basically for the right to be Carlos Beltran's backup after a month (think positive ... think positive). Now that $2 million doesn't seem so cheap anymore, does it?

And the first person to say "Umm, heh heh ... low risk high reward!!!!" is getting punched in all of his face. Because if anybody truly believes that a 35-year-old linked (allegedly) to illegal substances is going to return to his high OBP of .371 because he's got himself a "change of scenery", well I've got a late night talk show I'd like to sell you. And I'll throw in a Brady Anderson 1999 Topps card. Low risk, reward similar to finding a lost dog ... I'm willing to believe. Low risk, hit Lotto? Don't believe the hype.

As for Brian Stokes, he had no chance here in 2010. If used right, he's a valuable commodity. If 2009 was any indication, Snoop had no idea what he wanted to do with Stokes. Was he a long man? Was he a seventh inning guy? We saw him every day, then we didn't see him for a week. If he finds success for L.A., it'll be because Mike Scioscia will figure out how to use him (after he tells the story about the home run off Gooden for the 20,000th time, of course.) If he doesn't, then it'll probably be because of his own inabilities. Snoop's erratic usage of Stokes tells me that his success isn't coming here.

So basically all this trade does is create a potential logjam in the outfield when Beltran comes back. Here's where the trade may make sense ... sort of. If Pagan is involved in a trade for a Reds pitcher (keep chasing Sasquatch, Metstradamus), then you can see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel provided it's not the seven train coming out of Hunters Point. Best case scenario, this is the first of all those "moving parts" rumored to make a Cincinnati trade happen. If not, then all you have is Matthews' complaints about playing time joining forces with a locker room that just barely survived Gary Sheffield's annual tantrum. Then Omar's going to have to answer questions about the looming distraction, and then he'll wind up blaming Adam Rubin and all hell will break loose. Again. Then we'll all be wondering who let the damn dogs out.

Again.

How Did One Say "Cortisone Shot" in 1864?

2010-01-22T06:00:00.002-05:00

At times last season you might have felt as if the Mets were playing under 1864 rules.

In honor of Conan O'Brien's final show tonight, here's a classic skit where he looks behind the scenes at the ~~2009 Mets~~ 1864 Wabash Mashers. Enjoy.

Baseball Sketch

Kim MySpace Video

Mythical Monsters

2010-01-21T12:52:00.002-05:00

"The greatest rock ’n’ roll musicians are desperate men." -Bruce Springsteen

Apparently, so are the most mediocre baseball organizations.

When it was announced on ESPN that Joel Pineiro signed with the Angels, I muttered an expletive. Yeah, it's gotten that bad. And we're at the point now where a starting rotation that is in sorely need of help below Johan Santana is starting to run out of options.

So should I start lighting my candles for Ben Sheets, or should I spend the next two months searching the woods for this mythical Reds trade that's going to get us Brandon Phillips and Bronson Arroyo or Aaron Harang? It's like searching for the Yeti or Sasquatch.

(Does that make Arroyo the Yeti and Harang Sasquatch?)

But seriously, Joel Pineiro ... whom I irrationally hate ... goes to another team and I'm throwing cuss words around? For Joel Pineiro? These times are more desperate than the Mets are to trade Luis Castillo.

At least the Mets will get a paid vacation in Puerto Rico. The way the season's going to go, I don't know if we'll know the difference.

In Case You Might Have Missed This

2010-01-18T03:20:00.000-05:00

Remember when former Met Jose Offerman charged a pitcher with a bat?

Well, he tried to top that Saturday night.

Nice to know that anger therapy worked so well. Too bad Snoop Manuel wasn't there to defuse the situation with a joke.

"TV replays show that [Daniel] Rayburn falls when he loses his balance, but not because Offerman hit him." -Licey Tigers GM Fernando Ravelo

"Yes my client shot the man seventeen times, your honor. But clearly he died of the cancer that was ravaging his body. So hereto forth my client should go free, your honor."

In a related story, Omar Minaya has signed Offerman to a two year deal because Omar likes the "fire in his belly."

Sailed Ships

2010-01-16T03:57:00.001-05:00

You know the expectations for your off-season have been lowered just a bit when the Mets go after somebody for three months, don't get him, and it's considered a success.

We Met fans will take what we can get.

Bengie Molina, who is just marginally better than Spike Nolan of the Hackensack Bulls, is headed back to the San Francisco Giants after GM Brian Sabean announced that "that ship has sailed". What Sabean didn't count on was that Molina's ship crashed into Derek Bell's yacht and never quite made it out of McCovey Cove.

That's the good news. The bad news is that Omar Minaya's sudden and inexplicable inability to multi-task has left the Mets without an outside option at catcher. Sure, we'd like to think that there's something else lined up, the fact is that we're most likely going to get another heaping dose of Omir Santos in 2010, with a sprinkling of Hank Blanco. But whatever happens, Bengie Molina can get old and break down somewhere else. And that's addition by subtraction. Or ... stagnation by subraction. Or, avoiding Bengie Molina because we have a younger version of Bengie Molina, thus avoiding the stigma of having one of Yadier Molina's brothers on the team. Because that would be kinda awkward.

If all else fails, I think Spike Nolan's still floating around the minors.

The Jolbert Report

2010-01-16T02:04:00.000-05:00

The healing begins. And it begins with Jolbert Cabrera, a 37-year-old utility player who has 126 plate appearances in the majors since 2004. He comes disguised as "depth". He will soon reveal his true identity as the Mets leadoff hitter and every day center fielder after Beltran goes on the 15-year-DL and Angel Pagan the first major leaguer in history to break every bone in his body while rounding third base on his way to second.

Hey, there's an empty abyss just over that hill. It's a perfect place to spend the summer ... and it's just big enough to hold our annual Apology Day party on October 4th. Don't forget to bring alcohol. We'll need it.

And chips.

Dogs And Ponies

2010-01-15T03:36:00.002-05:00

“I am totally surprised by the reaction to my recent knee surgery. Any accusations that I ignored or defied the team’s wishes are simply false. I also spoke to Omar Minaya about the surgery on Tuesday. He did not ask me to wait, or to get another doctor’s opinion. He just wished me well. No one from team raised any issue until Wednesday, after I was already in surgery. I do not know what else I could have done." -Carlos Beltran

There's nothing. There's nothing Carlos Beltran could have done. There's nothing anybody could have done. There's nothing anybody could ever do. This is because Beltran works for trained animals, mostly dogs and ponies, in three-piece suits.

That has to be it. How else can you explain it? When other teams have major injuries, it's a press release. When other teams fire belligerent employees, it's a paper statement. When other teams open ballparks, there is much rejoicing. When the Mets do these things, it's the equivalent of a tanker truck spill blocking the Lincoln Tunnel combined with a 20-car pile up on the L.I.E. It's unbelievable how this team can take free lunch and make it into a world-wide health hazard.

So let me get this straight: Dr. Richard Steadman, Beltran's doctor, concludes that his knee needs surgery. Dr. Richard Altchek, the doctor hired by the Mets, agreed. So what is the issue here? The issue is that Mets management, none of whom to the best of my knowledge has a "Dr." in front of their names, needs to talk about this in a boardroom even though if the opinions of one of the best doctors in the country, and the doctor that the team hired agree with each other. So why the delay? So Beltran can miss the entire season? Why have a medical staff if you're not going to trust their opinion?

And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there supposed to be a change in the medical procedures and lines of communication which would have helped in these matters? Wasn't that supposed to be reviewed? That's what we were told on Apology Day, right? No, instead we get the same old garbage that results in another fiasco, which is what everything the Mets touch seems to turn to ... a damn fiasco. All because management needs to be the ones to make final call on medical procedures even though nobody in that front office is a doctor of anything.

It's amazing how the only people entrusted to think are the people that have no brains.

But that's where we are ... another mess that we're thrown in the middle of. A mess of which you have Mike Francesa expounding on his medical knowledge (another one who isn't a doctor), you have Michael Kay reminding us on the airwaves that Beltran really wanted to play for the Yankees all along, and you probably have players all around the league wondering how many pigs, dogs and ponies have to sprout wings and fly over the Pepsi Porch for them to sign here or waive their no-trade clauses to come to this embarrassment. Think of the consequences if this had happened before Jason Bay signed here. Then he'd really be off to Beirut. And who can blame him?

Oh, and good luck getting Beltran to come back here after 2011 when his contract is up, as he counts the days until he can move Curtis Granderson to left field. Because when the first thing you think of after an injury to one of your star players isn't "gee, how are we going to replace his production", but "gee, how can we nail him on a technicality so we can get a couple of million back", you're going to have some problems regaining his trust.

All in all, it's just another reminder that we don't root, root root for the home team so much as we root for a business. One that's run by dogs and ponies.

New Year's Rockin' Knee

2010-01-14T03:16:00.002-05:00

Who knew that when Dick Clark miscounted down to 2010 that there would be real repercussions. You see, Carlos Beltran's latest knee injury which will keep him away from "baseball-related activities" for 12 freakin' weeks (taking him through at least the start of the season), has proven once and for all that Clark's miscount has kept us stuck in the year 2009. And that will not change until he gets back on ABC and gets the count right.

(Or he can go on NBC where there might be an opening at 11:30 soon.)

The funny part is that Beltran used his own doctor which, considering that Beltran has been at odds with the Mets medical philosophies before, should come as no surprise. He went to Richard Steadman last year, and that's who performed his latest surgery. The funnier part is the notion that the Mets are going to seek some sort of restitution for Beltran not keeping the Mets in the loop and making his own decision "without the Mets blessing". Yeah, like the blessing of the Mets really helped last season.

Except that last season is looking more and more like it's still this season.

Welcome back to 2009 ... the year that just wouldn't crawl into a hole and die.

Vindication Has Its Price

2010-01-12T03:55:00.000-05:00

Welcome back to MLB Network, I'm Bob Costas with our continuing coverage of the Mark McGwire steroid admission. We sit down now with the man who gave up McGwire's record breaking 62nd home run in 1998. Steve Trachsel, welcome.

Thanks, Bob.

So you have to be vindicated now that Mark McGwire has admitted that he cheated.

Gee, he cheated? Never would have guessed it.

Well you don't have to be so sarcastic about it.

You wanna take about the past, Bob? Let's talk about the past. Mark f^$*#ing McGwire hit .375 off me ... six for sixteen with three home runs. All tainted.

I'm aware ...

Yeah, well are you aware that he hit an historic life changing home run off me? Of course you are. Everyone is! And every time that s**t goes on television there's my sorry butt throwing that pitch. And you know what? It wasn't a bad pitch. By his ankles. And that Frankenstein hits it out. And the whole country is like "Aaaah we love you Mark" and all that crap and there I am on the mound for a half hour watching that freak do hand gestures with Sammy Sosa, and he didn't even like Sosa.

But Steve ...

I was on commemorative posters. And coffee mugs. And my name was on plaques that were sold for sixty-two bucks. Ha-ha, really f***ing funny! Except that my lame ass is captured for all eternity on plaques and mugs and posters and Sports Illustrated ... forever! And now you're going to tell me that it was steroids that did it? Well shiver me f***ing timbers, Batman! He cheated. I'm vindicated. Big deal!!!

Well doesn't that make you feel good?

Yeah, except now my family has to watch that home run two hundred and forty six more times in the next week. There I am standing on the mound all over again. Yaaaaaaaaay Trachsel!!! Whoop de damn do! You know what, screw McGwire ... I'm sorry I played in the steroid era!!!

Then how do you explain Brad Ausmus' .476 lifetime average and 1.402 OPS against you?

It was the era. Send Ausmus to congress too.

Or Delino DeShields' .408 lifetime average against you?

Roids. All roids.

Roids? He was 170 pounds!

Greenies?

Or what about Jeff Suppan's home run in Game 3 of ...

Y'know Bob?

Yes?

I'm not here to talk about the past.

No Cupids Were Harmed In The Plugging Of This Book

2010-01-11T05:00:00.002-05:00

Did you know that Valentine's Day cards have already hit the shelves?

I know, I know. Like there's a guy that exists who buys a Valentine's Day card before February 13th. Silly marketing gurus.

But before you know it, you're going to have to get your girl or guy a Valentine's Day gift. Why not consider curling your significant other up with a good book to get them through those warm summer nights after new Met Jay Marshall gives up a grand slam to Alfredo Amezaga.

I have a suggestion for you: How about Evaluating Baseball's Managers, 1876-2008 which you can pick up here. It's kind of like sabermetrics for managers, combined with lots of background and insight about managerial tendencies. The book goes in-depth for 89 managers, but particularly of interest to me were some of the things the author, Hardball Times writer Chris Jaffe, had to say about the managers that have worn the blue and orange. And I noticed a theme among some of them. Consider:

Casey Stengel:
"If the Yankees were an ideal situation for his management style, the Mets were the club least suited to it."
Joe Torre:
"Torre’s first managerial assignment with the New York Mets best exemplified his ability to get the most out of his teams. If the 1996 Yankees were the ideal setup for a manager, the 1977 Mets were the worst."
Art Howe (considering how I still pull my hair out over Howe playing his infield in down by seven runs in a late inning blowout, I had considerable interest in what Jaffe had to say about Howe's Met tenure):
"New York appears to have been a bad fit for Howe."
Well, there you have it. The New York Mets ... connecting fathers and sons as a bad fit for generations.

The Mets were actually a good fit for others, namely Gil Hodges, Davey Johnson, and Bobby Valentine. Thankfully, the book covers those three along with the three above and 83 others. So don't forget to make your better half happy and pick up this book.

Makes a great Valentine's Day gift

Old Habits Die Hard

2010-01-08T03:04:00.001-05:00

"Yeah, let's replace Livan Hernandez with somebody older and less durable. Yeah! That'll work just fine!!! Now let's crack open those beers."

If you were a fly on the wall of the Mets war room, that might have been what you heard as the powers that be have discussed the possibility of John Smoltz being a Met. That's the John Smoltz who will be 43 in May (for perspective, that's two years and eight months older than Orel Hershiser was when he pitched for the Mets). That's also the same John Smoltz who pitched a total of 106 innings over the last two seasons due to injuries.

Not that I'm that crazy about anybody who's left in the free agent market (it's so bad that Joel Pineiro is looking like the Brooklyn Decker of starting pitchers right now), but the fact that the Mets are even thinking of bringing John Smoltz into the fold proves that this regime is never going to learn. Ever. Doesn't matter much if they sign him or not, they're thinking about it. That's reason enough for me to overreact ... because the pattern is starting again.

They make a good signing with Jason Bay, and now threaten to make five bad ones to back that up. Bengie Molina will be that first bad signing, and Smoltz might be right behind him on that list. (And Carlos Delgado might be third, but that's another blog for another time.) Because there's nothing like filling holes with old guys who are ripe to get injured and expose a farm system under siege. Sound like any particular season you might have lived through lately? You don't have to think too hard about this one.

It's a bad move whether he's the fifth starter or a bullpen option. It was one thing when they were backing up Frankie Rodriguez with J.J. Putz and Sean Green. Now it's John Smoltz and Kelvin Escobar? That's 111 innings in four seasons of baseball. Putz has the durability of Brett Favre next to these two.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Tom Glavine is Smoltzie's golfing buddy which means there's a chance we could see Glavine show up at Citi Field with a Mets hat to support his buddy ... and looking all devastated as his friend gets torched by the Brewers for six runs in two and a third. (Oh, did I say devastated? I meant slightly disappointed.) I dare say this would induce more vomit than seeing Roger Clemens attend the Texas/Alabama game on Thursday. Glavine had better hope that he sits in one of those suites where the angry mobs can't get to him.

Alright, I Admit It ...

2010-01-07T01:18:00.000-05:00

I voted for David Segui.

False Opinion

2010-01-06T01:51:00.000-05:00

The Mets introduced Jason Bay to the media on Tuesday. They also sent him outside to pose in his new #44 jersey with Citi Field as a sparkling backdrop.

Unfortunately he wasn't sufficiently bundled in the 25 degree weather, and was immediately placed on the disabled list with pneumonia. He should be able to do some light running in 2-3 weeks.

***

Okay, now that the obligatory injury joke is out of the way ...

"I was joking with my wife that I learned a lot about myself this offseason through the opinions that people had. People are going to have an opinion. I have no problem with that. But passing them off as the way I feel when I had never spoken to anybody, those are the ones that kind of take on a life of their own." -Jason Bay

It's not like Bay was going to go to the dais on Tuesday and tell the New York media: "Well yeah, I wanted to play in a smaller ballpark. But I was priced out of Boston, the Cubs never called me, and the property taxes in Beirut are brutal, eh? So here I am."

No, that wasn't going to happen. He was coached to be sure ... anywhere from the minimal: "make sure you address your apathy towards the dimensions because they'll ask you about that" to the other extreme: "Don't say Beirut, don't say Beirut, don't say Beirut". From what I heard, Bay sounded more towards the minimal. Do I believe him? I believe him the same way I believe the Boston media when they're blasting Bay for being injured or greedy or both ... which is to say: I don't know what to believe anymore. But it really doesn't matter. Because Bay isn't really going to know if he likes this ballpark until July when he either has 20 HR's and a ton of RBI's, or 7 HR's and a inferiority complex which is as fresh out of the box as a new Wii ... at which point I'll be the first one to make a Beirut joke (like I can resist.)

But as long as he has this mindset, I promise you that Jason Bay will do fine at Citi Field:

"I'm confident that the type of player I am -- ballpark or not -- I'm still gonna do what I do. So [the stadium] had zero factor in anything [to do with] my decision."

Doesn't matter if I believe what he says, as long as Bay believes it. Let's hope that wasn't one of those things he was "coached" to say.

***

Best thought I ever stole: Wouldn't it have made sense for the Mets marketing people to introduce Jason Bay in the new cream colored jersey that they're trying to sell? Seriously, do we have to tell them everything?

Discussions

2010-01-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

So the Mets and Red Sox have discussed trading Luis Castillo for Mike Lowell.

Here are some other things the teams have probably discussed: the Tooth Fairy, Existentialism, and the 1986 World Series. That doesn't mean Calvin Schiraldi is wondering what meaning his life has while getting a root canal.

Besides, it seems too easy. Why would the Red Sox give the Mets a righty power bat, an expiring contract, and a hole at second base to be filled by Brandon Phillips for a guy who will be paid six million bucks to sit behind Marco Scutaro and Dustin Pedroia? Seems that's not the kind of business that the Red Sox are usually in.

Seriously, how do you go from Max Ramirez to Luis Castillo? Did one physical make that much of a difference?

I Bring Perspective

2010-01-04T22:31:00.001-05:00

So wait a minute ...

Mike Leach gets fired at Texas Tech because he put Adam James in a dark equipment shed after a concussion.

Meanwhile, a dark equipment shed would have been like an all inclusive resort to Ryan Church, who is still waiting for someone to be fired after not only being put on an airplane to Denver after a concussion, but having his toughness publicly questioned.

Why didn't this hit me sooner?

Snoop Manuel should hope that he never finds himself locked in a dark equipment shed with Church.

Check Out The Special Guest For Times Square's New Year's Eve 2010 Ball Drop

2009-12-31T13:45:00.000-05:00

Who better? Besides, he's been practicing all summer. Happy New Year.