Vanilla Roulette

The gun was placed on the temple. The trigger was squeezed.

And the chamber had no bullet.

Boy that was close. At least that's the feeling I get from the second straight season of an inactive trade deadline for the New York Mets, the baseball equivalent of sugar free vanilla ice cream. Of course, the circumstances are a little bit different than they were last season, but the result is still the same. And that isn't a bad thing at all.

Well, at least against the backdrop of what happened to this franchise over the last decade, with star Jason Bay having been wheeled for Steve Reed in a deadline deal that had no effect on the Mets' standing in 2002, and the one from 2004 that doesn't need an introduction, it isn't a bad thing.

Am I willing to give Omar credit for doing the prudent thing and not letting a 5-2 stretch against the Astros and Rockies cloud his vision? Yes and no. Yes because we don't know all the particulars about every deal he was proposed, and for whom the other teams were asking for.

But no ... because we know that the Mets were in on Adam LaRoche.

Would LaRoche have helped? Probably. Would he have helped enough to get the Mets to the wild card spot? Not by himself. Now LaRoche and Victor Martinez would have been interesting, but that's another story altogether. But getting LaRoche by himself wouldn't have been worth the further stunting of Daniel Murphy, forcing Murph to sit down when playing the rest of this lost season at first base would have been the perfect opportunity to develop (not that the Mets have a player development head, but that's yet another story.) And it would have been in direct conflict with what Omar had been saying all along which was "If I make a deal, I have to take into consideration when guys (Carlos Delgado, in this case) were coming back from injury."

Now that paraphrased quote was probably nothing more than a built in excuse for coming up empty, but that's still another story. This franchise full of interesting stories. And for now, they're full of halfway decent minor leaguers, .500 beards (most teams have playoff beards, but y'know ... their goals are realistic) and shortstops who can't run.

Enjoy your bland ice cream. At least it's edible.

It's Just Omar Being Omar

The trade deadline will be like Christmas for most fans.

I have a feeling it will be like April 15th for us.

Taxing, this trade deadline is, because I'm not sure any of us know what the right answer is. We might think we know, but deep down when we search for a real answer, we have nothing to give. If Omar buys? He's unrealistic about the standings. Sell? He's giving up. Do nothing? He's incompetent and gun shy. The man simply can't win.

But that's the situation he's put himself in. The Adam Rubin fiasco isn't going to get Omar Minaya fired. But the decision he makes, whatever it is, is going to be judged more harshly whatever it is because of the Rubin thing. That's the bed that Omar made, now he's going to have to lie in it while making phone calls to other GM's. (Sounds all very slumber party-ish.)

But don't worry, because whatever he does, he seems to have it all under control. Never has it been more apparent that Omar is a man in control now that he's taken his "me time", and that he hasn't lost control of his job or his emotions. How do I know this?

"You guys know me - that's just not the way Omar Minaya is."

"You guys know Omar, and this was not an Omar action."

Because the man is starting to refer to himself in the third person. He's freaking Rickey Henderson! Who cares if the Mets' winning streak stopped, the leader is confident! It's like he's using Swagger by Old Spice.

("He's lobbying for a position in player development." Yeah, that was me, Omar Minaya. Before I started using Swagger.)

Heck, he's so confident, he's turning down deals for Victor Martinez.

Not sure I blame him, considering Mark Shapiro reportedly asked for Brad Holt and Jenrry Mejia. And when you look at the fact that they took the Phillies A-minus level prospects while asking for the Mets A-plus level prospects, it's proof that either the Mets prospects really are worse than everyone else's, or other GM's are ... as I've suspected ... more willing to hold up more vulnerable Minaya.

But heck, now that Omar has the weight of the Rubin thing off his chest, then Omar's going to do what Omar's going to do.

That's what scares me.

Who Are These Guys?

And what have they done with the New York Mets?

Extra Bats In The Closet

Upset that the Phillies have made a trade for Cliff Lee? Well, considering what's happened over the past week I can't imagine that Cliff Lee is going to be the one who sends you off the bridge. But if you're on your way to a bridge or a tall building, stop ... turn around, and have a few laughs.

Start yourself off with the latest gem from the FanHouse Dugout crew, as they figure out what we've all learned from the Mets' 2009 season.

Mr. Met was so angry after admitting that he played a part in the demise, he got into a fit of road rage.



Even the guys at 12 Angry Mascots are ... well, they're still angry as Mets weekly host Julie Alexandria shows us how they're preparing for tomorrow's big comedy event:



And finally, don't miss an exclusive interview with 1969 hero Rod Gaspar courtesy of the boys from Meet the Matts.

Oh, and when you're done, don't forget to check us out at Sportstalk NY Live between 9 and 10PM for my weekly appearance with Mark and A.J. We'll recap the last week in all things Met which was ... as most weeks in Flushing go ... boring, routine and uneventful.

Another Day, Another News Conference, Another Win

"I think he really understands he made a very large mistake here. He apologized to ownership, he apologized to the staff. Omar has told me he's remorseful about what he said." -Jeff Wilpon

"So I sent him to his room without his supper to think about what he's done. He's been a very bad boy."

My favorite part of Tuesday's news conference, the one that expounded on Monday's second news conference which was needed to smooth over Monday's first news conference, was the part where Jeffy said something like "Oh, Omar's around. But he needs some time to recuperate, he's had a tough day and he's visibly shaken."

Awwww.

Yeah, Omar needs a day off. I mean, it's not like there's anything going on that a general manager really needs to do near the end of July. Oh don't worry about that small detail that it's the one chance Omar has to improve the club whether it be for now or for the future. Because we can't have Mark Shapiro or Billy Beane calling Flushing to talk trade only to have Minaya collapse in a heap as he bawls his eyes out and have the flavor of his own tears make his Alpha Bits taste funny. (Can you spell "inept" with one spoonful? I knew you could.)

Yes, you rest. Tony can run the trade deadli ... oh, that's right.

Luckily, the Mets continue to smooth things over with a winning streak which is now at four, giving Minaya a false sense of security and enabling him to trade half the farm system to the Reds for Jonny Gomes and Alex Gonzalez. Mike Pelfrey's pitching well, Daniel Murphy's playing small ball at the cleanup spot, and Jeff Francoeur is pretending that it was his evil twin on the Sports Illustrated cover. But most important to this winning streak is the fact that Brian Schneider is growing a beard that makes him look gritty. Looks almost too good though, like he had thick black ink spackled on his face with a sponge by a Hollywood make-up artist. That's all right though, because it's a beard that says "We don't care about front office propaganda, we're ballplayers! And we're gritty! Grrrrrrrr!"

I feel better already.

So George Santayana Walks Into A Bar ...

Somewhere, in a saloon overlooking the afterlife, M. Donald Grant is ordering a boilermaker while Dick Young turns to him and says "Oh no he didn't!"

How bizarre was Monday's news conference?

James Dolan was embarrassed.

Heidi and Spencer thought it was petty and vindictive.

And Wallace Matthews was ... right.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. George Santayana, a Spanish philosopher, said that. And right now, he's at the same bar as Grant and Young buying the next round and having a huge laugh over the New York Mets, who continually refuse to learn from their mistakes too numerous to mention. I make plenty of mistakes too, and I made one today at about 2:30 upon learning that the Mets had called a news conference to announce the firing of Tony Bernazard. You see, I had the post in the can. It was called "Can You Feel A Brand New Day". Had an "exclusive clip" of the news conference featured on it. I even played it a few times and did my version of a happy dance to it. Because this should have been a day of rejoicing ... not because a human being was fired, but because just maybe, an organization that we all care deeply about was about to do the right thing and climb out of the abyss. Here's a small sampling of what I wrote in the post that will never be published:

"We're going to look back on the Bingo Mets incident where we now think of it to be an embarrassment, and see it in the future as the best thing to happen to this organization, because it got the ball rolling to get this done and get a guy like Bernazard out of the organization. I don't like to see people fired, but this was absolutely necessary and unavoidable ... kudos to the Mets who have done the right thing for the first time all season."

But I had a fleeting thought as I wrote that. I thought that somehow, the Mets are going to take this good news and taint it when the news conference actually starts. Only thing is that I had envisioned the wrecking ball to hit the newser in the form of: "We also have a trade to announce ... "

But when the right thing actually went so horribly, horribly wrong, I could have never imagined it going quite this way.

You know what happened at that point. Omar fired Tony Bernazard, and then in a bizarre twist, went on to tell the world that Daily News reporter Adam Rubin had been "lobbying" for a job in player development with the Mets for two years, and also imply that Rubin ... well, I'm not sure what he implied. Did he imply that Rubin wrote all the things he wrote to get Bernazard fired to take over for him? Or that Rubin wrote all those stories to get Bernazard fired to get revenge for not getting a job with them?

Predictably, when Rubin pressed him on it, Minaya didn't have a good answer for him. You expected something different with this franchise?

It was fascinating to catch this all on live television ... with the double box camera on Rubin right before the bombshell as if somehow, SNY knew exactly what was coming out of Minaya's mouth at that point. It was reality television that didn't need a script as today's reality television often needs to stay relevant and "hip". This was reality television so compelling, you found people that normally don't give a hoot about the intricacies of baseball keeping their remotes tuned to "The WheelHouse".

Is it right to be skeptical of Rubin? Sure ... at least in the way that we should be initially skeptical of anyone whose motives aren't apparent at first glance. After all, we live in a society where we've been burned so often by lies, fraud, and ponzi schemes that if Watergate had happened today, half the population would be digging into the past of Bernstein and Woodward to unearth some application they've filled out to apply for the office of President.

But I can't think of one thing that Rubin has ever burned Met fans on ... whereas I can think of various investigations, injuries, and broken bones that have given Met fans various ailments, rashes, and broken bones from punching the wall as they realized that they had been had by Mets management again. Besides, Rubin's initial reaction ... caught expertly by that second SNY camera whether by happy accident or by receiving some "keen insight" ... seemed about as genuine as they come along with his further reaction in front of other reporters when he became part of the story. I can't guarantee that Rubin's story is true, but I go by what I see and what I know, which is what we all see and know. And that's to trust that the propaganda that comes from the Mets organization is to never be trusted.

For example, the assertion that human resources was already on the case with the Bernazard story long before Rubin's articles were published, somehow implying that the club would have come to the same conclusion without Rubin, and that they wouldn't have spared Bernazard's job. Know this about human resources departments: the reason they exist first and foremost is to protect the big boys, to keep top ranking executives out of trouble. The interests of the low level workforce is well down on the list. The notion that the Mets' human resources department was going to come up with a report that would have put Bernazard out on the street is absurd.

But Bernazard is out on the street, thanks in large part to Rubin, who should be praised at this moment for excellent reporting ... instead he finds himself squarely in the center of a three ring circus for no good reason, whether he ever sent a resume to the Mets or not. The Bingo Mets incident should have been the best thing to happen to this franchise. It may still be. But right now, it only became the thread sticking out of the quilt that may become a full fledged pile of yarn when it's all said and done.

To state the obvious, Omar Minaya made himself look like a vindictive child on this one, for reasons we'll never know. If Minaya had made this a paper statement ... if he had used the same method of electronic mail that he used to let Rubin and others know that Willie Randolph (whom you couldn't blame for having a huge smile on his face right now) had been fired, the worst that would have happened would be the media accusing Minaya of trying to sweep this under the rug and not face the media to talk about it. But that probably would have made up 5-10% of the total reaction of the beat writers. Minaya should have come out of this as the good guy. It was a slam dunk.

Instead, he's placed the target squarely on his back when it didn't need to be. The target is especially big and bright when you consider that Minaya needed to have a second press gathering to apologize for the first one ... when there shouldn't have been one at all. And in this second gathering, you had Minaya apologizing not for what he implied, but that he implied it in a public setting. Meanwhile, you had Jeff Wilpon basically saying that the conversations that Rubin had regarding career advancement were impromptu and common, and that Rubin did nothing wrong (after all the writers who have worked for the Daily News that have gone on to work for the NHL or the Yankees, of course he did nothing wrong). So there you have it: a manager and an owner, standing in the same room, telling two different versions of the same story. And I'm supposed to be skeptical of Rubin?

Again, you expected something different with this franchise?

Yes, it was truly a bizarre Monday ... the least bizarre occurrence being Fernando Tatis not hitting into a double play as a pinch hitter with the bases loaded. And when that's the least crazy thing to happen in 24 hours, then it's been a mind-blowing 24 hours.

So belly up to the bar, getcha popcorn ready, and be prepared for the final act of the big top to unfold over the last two months of the season. Because remember, whenever you think it can't get worse, it always does. Brand new day? More like same old stench. George Santayana would like to remind you that those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it ... and that you're buying the next round. (You see the afterlife isn't much different from your present form: the fans always get stuck with the bill.)

Animals Sprouting Wings

The Mets won a series! I must go to a bar and celebrate. Perhaps I can get there on the back of one of those flying pigs I've been seeing the last couple of hours

Well good thing the Mets won the series in Houston on Sunday. You never know what could happen with Mike Scott looming for the next game.

Oh, no no. Thankfully the only Houston the Mets will be facing on Monday will be Huston Street, who hasn't walked anybody in about the same period of time that David Wright went without hitting a home run.

The Mets didn't need a home run today as they strung some hits together, including a shocking triple by Luis Castillo. It was shocking in its pure distance to the power alley from the lefthanded bat of Castillo ... clearly trying to overcompensate for the lack of dingers on this club.

What the Mets did need was for Livan Hernandez to not be the first human to be involved in a "Cars for Clunkers" transaction. He looked like he was going to the scrap heap after the first inning, when the Astros had a golden opportunity to get five or six instead of the three that they did get (while others were probably thinking the Mets were lucky to get out of that alive, I was thinking that Livan Hernandez still only got one man out with the two runners being thrown out and that his ERA should have been about 127.) But after the first inning, the Livanmobile still has a working engine. It might need a bobbie pin stuck in it to run (or a side of beef), but it's running, and it's safe for another day.

If nothing else, the series win might make us forget about the latest Tony Bernazard story. It shouldn't, but it might.

Your Fifth Annual Hall of Hate Winner:

Hang all the chads you want, this guy just can't lose an election. First, he wins the vote for the final all-star. But being inducted into the Metstradamus "Hall of Hate" is forever. Congratulations to Shane Victorino. Put on the jacket and join Bobby Bo's card game. Here are the results:

• Shane Victorino -- 25% -- 288
• Jimmy Rollins -- 16% -- 186
• Cole Hamels -- 15% -- 166
• Guillermo Mota -- 11% -- 130
• Brett Myers -- 9% -- 106
• Pete Rose -- 6% -- 65
• Mel Rojas -- 4% --44
• Jeff Torborg -- 3% -- 33
• Joe Torre -- 3% -- 32
• Richie Hebner -- 2% -- 26
• Albert Pujols -- 2% -- 22
• Tony Fernandez -- 1% --17
• John Thomson -- 1% -- 13
• Eddie Murray -- 1% -- 10

I can't say I'm surprised that it's a landslide. But honestly, I would have bet the house on Cole Hamels, what with the whole "choke" thing fresh in everyone's minds. But as I've said, a vote for Victorino is proof that the Met fan is a true connoisseur of hate, and not merely a part-time dabbler. Thank you to all who took the time to have your voice be heard.

And thanks to our friends at New York Baseball Digest for inviting me to make the announcement on their weekly radio show. You'll be happy to know we're already preparing for next season's vote where there will be some new names and perhaps a few new wrinkles. There might even be a Veteran's Committee to make the experience more authentic for you, the voter. Here's to 2010!

Come For The Announcement, Stay For The Food

Now that you've seen Jim Rice and Rickey Henderson give their acceptance speeches for the Hall of Fame, come and hear the official and exclusive announcement of the winner of the 2009 Hall of Hate ballot. The announcement will be made on tonight's edition of the New York Baseball Digest radio show with none other than Mike Silva at 8:00. It promises to be an exciting segment and I'm sure you're brimming with anticipation. Or is that anger?

General Disarray

"Some of you people oughta go find another way of living." -Bobby Knight, January 18th, 2000

I think Russ Ortiz would be wise to listen to Coach Knight.

Seriously, Ortiz is a pitcher that the Mets have owned recently. But even I wasn't naive enough to start getting excited on Saturday because of Ortiz's recent history against the Mets, since the recent injuries heaved all of that history out of the twenty first story window. The Mets that have pounded Ortiz are all either retired or on the disabled list, while the current Mets are, well, half of them should also probably think about alternative employment. SNY pointed out the stats and I thought "Uh-oh, we're going to have to start calling him Russ 'Renaissance' Ortiz after tonight because the four-hit shutout is coming."

But apparently, even when the names change, it's safe to Meet the Mets, Meet the Mets, cuz' Russ Ortiz can't beat the Mets. And not only can't he beat them, he made them look like it was 2006 again. When the Mets were scoring three runs in the first inning five times in a week, Russ Ortiz was there. Now that the Mets can't score three runs in a week, the Russ Ortiz we know and love is still there. We should all probably be thankful for that. But for Ortiz, maybe a career in genetic engineering or website design would be more his speed. Because if you can't beat 2009's version of the New York Mets, then you've got some issues.

But at least he didn't give up any home runs to the Mets ... and that's hard to believe since the Mets actually had three dingers on Saturday. Heck, Tim Byrdak played Brad Lidge as Jeff Francoeur channeled his inner Pujols. That was a monster, as monsters that go over Crawford boxes go. And David Wright hit his first home run of the month against Wesley Wright (whom I probably referred to as "Winky" at least three times this season.) In case you don't have access to a calendar (hard to believe since they're built into this here computer you're on), the month is going to be over in a week.

Thankfully, Jon Niese had the kind of outing that provides some real good news besides "oh look, we won our one game of the series, hooray!" Because these Mets need as many reasons to believe in the future as they can get. Niese, if he could keep this up, would qualify for that quite nicely.

With Livan Hernandez starting the Spalding game of the series (we need a replacement for "rubber game" after fifty years), we now return you to your regularly scheduled beatings.

Frenchy Played Football Y'Know

But when former high school football star Jeff Francoeur bore down on Pudge Rodriguez with the tying run in the seventh inning, what the Mets needed was Bo Jackson.

Instead, they got Blair Thomas.

Frenchy tried to deke to the goal line instead of just putting his head down and running over Pudge, and that was just one of the mistakes that led to the Mets' 5-4 loss against the Astros in Houston.

But if Frenchy was Blair Thomas, then Razor Shines was definitely Rich Kotite. Let's see: Francoeur isn't that fast. Hunter Pence has a good arm, and he's so close to the infield he's inhaling dust. But Razor sends him home from second to be out by ten feet.

Are we just not bothering to scout anymore?

That wasn't even Francoeur's biggest transgression (though he did say his fifteen jukes made him look like a "pansy" after the game.) His strikeout in the first on a pitch in the dirt along with Fernando Tatis' double play immediately afterward allowed Mike Hampton to find himself, leading to Hampton's two run homer against Johan Santana. (And not to mention that Frenchy looking bad on a pitch and 6-4-Tatis hitting into another D.P. is as cliche and contrived as a policeman eating a doughnut. More originality next time, please.)

And speaking of Hampton, is this the way it's going to be the rest of the season ... former Mets taking free punches at their former employer as if they were a dead animal being poked with a stick? Mike Hampton hitting a two run home run? Kaz Matsui with a lifetime average against the Mets of .981? Kaz Matsui???

What's next, someone's going to sign Orlando Hernandez so he can throw a three-hitter against the Mets?

The Phillies bring Kaz Ishii from the bullpen to strike out Jeremy Reed?

And can Snoop hop back from the parallel universe he's in and join us on Earth? "Wha? Francoeur didn't hit Pudge? I thought he hit him."

With a Bloomingdale's bag, maybe.

The Jinx Continues

Hideo Nomo. David Cone. Tom Seaver. Nolan Ryan. Dwight Gooden. Mike Scott. Jim Bibby. A.J. Burnett. A sampling of names who have pitched no-hitters after leaving the Mets organization.

Al Leiter. John Candeleria. Frank Tanana. Hideo Nomo. Dock Ellis. Warren Spahn. Don Cardwell. Kenny Rogers. Scott Erickson. These are players who had no-hitters in their resumes before coming to the Mets.

On Thursday, Mark Buehrle created his own category: Pitchers who spun perfect games after I write a post suggesting we trade for him. (The picture will look very familiar.)

I don't bring this up as a "see, told you so" point ... oh, who am I kidding, of course I am. After all, how many times am I right about anything? Once? Twice? I have to milk this for the little it's worth. But it is worth very little. Because when it's all said and done, if the Mets had made the deal I suggested, not only would Buehrle not have a perfect game or a no-hitter for the Mets, he would have been arrested well before today for selling arms to the Dominican Republic or something.

But here's the real point I'd like to make: If you haven't seen the highlights of the perfecto by now ... if you were at a wedding reception on a Thursday or you were on a safari expedition, or maybe you were just finishing up your three week boycott of ESPN because John Kruk had the gall to say that vegetables were overrated, check out the catch that led off the ninth inning. Considering the surrounding situation, it was probably one of the most spectacular clutch catches ever in life.

Think about it. Defense, for a guy who doesn't have 17 walks in 17 innings. Imagine that.

Duly noted, Dewayne Wise was a ninth inning defensive replacement. But do you realize how many errors have been made this season while Buehrle's on the mound? Four. F*&$ing four ... in 134 innings. I'd be willing to guarantee that part of that has been due to Buehrle's habit of working quick and throwing strikes, something Oliver Perez doesn't do, and keeping his defense on its toes.

But here's the wacky thing: Keeping in mind that Perez has pitched about 100 less innings than Buehrle, the number of errors the Mets have made this season while the maddeningly wild Oliver Perez is on the mound? One! One error, all year. You know who committed it? That's right, Daniel Murphy. Hard to say that was the fault of Perez. So guess what? Perez actually has received good defense behind him this season.

Which means that when you have a guy who has 38 walks in 38 innings, maybe defense is the least of his problems!

***

Since Buehrle is the order of the day, I want to talk about a recent quote of his:

"If I could just put a Cardinals jersey on for one day, throw one pitch, that would just be a dream come true."

It's relevant because for years, it seems like it's either been the dream of players to play in St. Louis, like Buehrle (a Missouri native), or that good players come play for the Cardinals and they fall in love with it there, such as Mark McGwire, Jim Edmonds and, probably soon, Matt Holliday.

If the Mets have any hope of regaining a little of that momentum, they have to fire Tony Bernazard.

It's a valid point to say that now that Bernazard's in the news, there's more of a mob mentality to fire him simply because he's in the line of fire and he's the man who's front and center in the tabloids right now, representing a team whose fan base is looking for a scapegoat. But who better to be a scapegoat than Bernazard? His firing certainly wouldn't be without merit. This is a guy who has a reputation that precedes him. This whole Bingo Mets thing isn't an isolated incident. He's had his hand in trouble for this organization from the beginning, from botching the original Carlos Delgado negotiations to manipulating Willie Randolph out of his job to all the dopey shenanigans this season. That it's beginning to bubble over now only magnifies the problem, not merely starts the problem.

(I mean really ... a hand gesture? Thin-skinned much, Tony?)

So firing Bernazard is as much about reality as it is about perception. But make no mistake, it's about perception too. And as you know, perception is reality. To keep Bernazard after the Bingo Mets incident, whether it's overblown or not, would send the absolute wrong message from an organization who has been handing those out like candy lately. And forget the fans, how do you think players around the league are perceiving the Mets right now? If Carlos Beltran is furious at the organization at the way they handled his injury, much like others have been (Ryan Church, anyone), don't you think this is going to affect the decisions of prospective free agents? If the Mets have become a running joke among their fan base, I can only imagine what a guy like, say, Doc Halladay must be thinking.

(And by the way, what kind of message does it send to all the working stiffs out there who are losing their jobs simply for being alive during a recession to keep this guy on the payroll despite acting like a moron?)

Keeping Bernazard tells players and fans that pre-existing relationships, yes man sycophants and "good old retread networks" are more important than putting the best people in the best position to get the job done. And that's not a message the Mets need to put out there after what's happened to this franchise since Game 7 in 2006. Yes, if the Mets are five games in first place then the Bingo incident doesn't mean as much. But the placement in the standings means everything. Their placement in the standings is completely relevant, because it's gone on long enough where you can realistically say that 2006 was the fluke.

And that's not even mentioning that Bernazard is the VP of Player Development, and nobody's developing anything except meniscus tears and bone bruises. Think about it this way: Fans have come up with the refrain that "You know, I'd like to see how other teams fare after losing their best players to the DL." Well, the Angels are now 10-2 since losing Torii Hunter and Vladimir Guerrero. They've also been missing Kelvim Escobar for over a month, and didn't have John Lackey until May 16th. Not to mention they tragically lost Nick Adenhart in April. The team is 56-38.

Do you know who their VP of Player Development is? No? Well neither do I because he or she isn't out ripping off his or her shirt in the locker room of the Arkansas Travelers and getting his or herself in the newspaper.

It's all about perception and reality. In many ways, they're one in the same. And both perception and reality dictate that Bernazard has to go.

(Editor's note: The Angels director of player development is Abe Flores.)

***

And finally, John Maine might miss the rest of the season because of his injury. In other news, studies show that water can make you wet.

Let Yourself Be Heard (Or Is That, Hear Yourself?)

Don't forget, you have until 11:59 tonight to look to your right and vote in our annual Hall of Hate election ... and the candidates are stepping up their campaigns:

A Post About Nothing

Bediddly bediddly boing.





Boing boing boing boing boing, boing boing




Boing biddley boing ...





Boooiiiing







Boing .... boing de boing.






Boingity boingity boing.





Boing boing boing boing boing, boing boing




Boing bediddley boing bediddley boooiiing ...














Boing de boing de boing






Boing de boing de boing.





For some comedy that actually has a chance of being funny, why not visit Comix Comedy Club on July 30th where Mets Weekly's Julie Alexandria, will join the newest New York Ranger Chris Higgins for some sports themed comedy? Here's a taste of what you'll experience.

Tony Bernazard's Punch Out

Do they make this for Wii?

Reversing The Chicken And The Egg

"When you have a pitcher who has 17 walks in 17 innings, you have to play good defense." -Snoop Manuel (paraphrased), after the Mets latest loss to the Nationals.

That may be the stupidest thing uttered by anybody on Planet Earth since spring training started.

Although it was pretty funny when Omar Minaya was in the SNY booth on Tuesday night (no Doc Halladay spin control there ... puuuuuuuuuure coincidence) talking about "Oh, Jeff Francoeur is a great player, we can mold Jeff Francoeur, we traded for Jeff Francoeur with confidence", and right at that moment ...

"Francoeur drops the ball!!!"

And Omar Minaya went silent like he was about to morph into Herbert Morrison ... "Oh the humanity!"

And I thought that was going to be the funniest thing I heard all night until Snoop blamed the defense for Oliver Perez's existence. Yeah, it's Jeff Francoeur's fault that he was daydreaming about throwing the winning touchdown for Parkview High School while Perez is throwing ball after ball after ball after ball to a team that was once compared to a drunk, desperate bar dweller who looks like Jennifer Lopez at 4 in the morning.



Yup. That's what it's come to. John Lannan only needed two hours to defeat the Mets back in June. On Tuesday, he needed ten more minutes ... ten minutes that was taken up by Perez and his hundred walks.

But yeah, let's blame the defense. Way to push the right buttons, Snoop.

I mean, silly me for thinking that pitchers need to keep their fielders on their toes by working fast and throwing strikes for all these years. Apparently, it's the defense that continually needs to bail out a pitcher that can't find the plate. Yeah, we need better defense. That's it.

Perhaps we need a better manager.

I never thought I'd be privy to something as stupid as the time when Art Howe played the infield in while losing by seven runs in the eighth inning against the Dodgers. Snoop's post-game newser came damn close.

Damn close.

(Editor's note: It's 4AM and Lou Dobbs is looking a lot like Jennifer Lopez. I need some sleep.)

The Doctor Is Out

Boy am I glad I asked all these questions about the future. I seem to have been given the answers already. Allow me to quote myself (narcissism, you are my friend):

The first option seems to be the most likely option as reported by most, and that's the return of Omar and Snoop for 2010.

And apparently, the Wilpons have given both the "vote of confidence". Although we know how "votes of confidence" usually end up.

Are the Wilpons going to stop spending the way they did with Pedro and Beltran all together because now they have their shiny new ballpark?

The answer apparently is yes, as the Mets have reportedly turned down Doc Halladay in a trade for Fernando Martinez, Bobby Parnell, Jon Niese, and Ruben Tejada. So the prognosis for this team seems to be more of the same old, same old. Whether it's the right move or the wrong move to turn it down, it's the most horrible message to send to the fan base at the most horrible time.

You know this means that in three years the Mets are going to wind up trading Martinez, their number one jewel, for a disgruntled corner outfielder and a back-up catcher. With the Mets luck, that'll turn out to be a washed up Lastings Milledge and an injury prone Jesus Flores.

But hey, the Mets are over .500 with Frenchy on the team. Hooray.

I don't know Tony Bernazard, but everything I read about him tells me that I shouldn't trust him as far as I could physically, or even mentally, throw him.

Yeah, we got that answer too:

"The scouting community has been abuzz with an account of Mets VP Tony Bernazard going into a profanity-laced tirade directed at the organization's manager of baseball operations at Citi Field, which left witnesses in the section behind home plate aghast. According to two sources, scouts had settled in a row behind the plate during a recent game. Bernazard arrived and found a Diamondbacks scout sitting in the seat he wanted. When Bernazard's underling suggested that the Mets VP wait until the end of the half-inning to change the seating arrangement in order to minimize the disruption, Bernazard went ballistic in a rant against his Ivy League-educated deputy."

Not for nothing, but where I come from a profanity laced tirade can get you fired. Wonder if this one gets Tony Bernazard promoted.

Seriously, how much more evidence can hit you in the face before you finally call a doctor to fix the broken bones?

(Oh wait, the Mets have already told the doctor to stay in Toronto.)

North Flushing Forty

This may all be Jose Valentin's fault.

As I sit here and watch the Mets strut their, er ... stuff on national television, I feel as if it's probably time for one of those "what went wrong, how can it get better" posts. You know the one, it's generally designed to map out the road back to greatness. Except every time I do that I get slammed.

Okay, so I only really did it once. But I got slammed for it. (Editor's note: looking back on what I had suggested, you know it really wouldn't have been all that bad.) So this isn't going to be the "five moves to put the Mets back on the map" post, because I think it's going to take a hell of a lot more than that.

And that's the entire point ... because the Mets have been basing their entire existence over the last three years over making a scant few moves when the whole operation needs a complete overhaul in thinking. It's the phenomenon that Greg Prince refers to as he surmises that the Mets perpetual mission statement is to win Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS.

(Speaking of Greg, he and his co-host Jon Springer cordially invite you to "Two Boots Tavern" this Tuesday for the first 2009 installment of "Amazin' Tuesdays", where he'll welcome dignitaries such as Paul Lukas of Uni Watch, and author Matt Silverman. And old Mets baseball cards will get you a free beer, so saddle up.)

But then when you combine that with ownership which has been burned by both Bernie Madoff and Oliver Perez (and really, how many on this planet can say they've been burned by both?), you get a team that thinks they're one game away but spends as if they were forty games out. Why else would the Mets bother to sign players like Gary Sheffield who, while it's a shame that he was hurt while being the Mets greatest offensive threat, should never have been put in the position to be their greatest offensive threat, and that's the shame of it.

But it's a pattern that was given legitimacy by the one and only Jose Valentin. It's his fault for having such a good season at the age of 36 to give Omar Minaya the belief that there are more in the bargain bin like him. It's also his fault for striking out in the sixth inning with the bases loaded in Game 7. Without either/or, the ill-fated chase for the unattainable would have ended before it began.

Now this isn't to pick on Valentin, but the fact of the matter is that we're a long way from the days where Valentin provided over 50 RBI's from the sixth, seventh, and eighth spots in the lineup. And it didn't have to be that way. When Omar Minaya came out with his "the bullpen has been addressed" speech, everybody knew that the team still needed a bottom of the order bat and a true back of the rotation starter. Omar got 'em, but he got 'em from the scrap heap and the bargain bin.

We already knew that.

We also know that this team gets injured ... a lot. Happened again on Sunday, as Fernando Nieve was the latest Met to go down with a lower body injury ... yeah, a lower body injury. I'm through regurgitating the propaganda of the New York Mets. And that's another part of the problem ... a big one. Because not only is everyone getting hurt ... not only is the information heavily filtered ... not only is the information heavily wrong ... but the way the injuries are handled are a joke.

And remember, the people that used to handle the Mets medical issues were replaced because, among other things, Mike DeJean was sent out to the mound with a fracture in his leg that doctors never caught. So they were replaced by the Hospital for Special Surgery. Now I'm sure you all read the Adam Rubin article, but it's fascinating in that it's not necessarily the doctors that are at fault. Consider:

The scrutiny of the Mets goes far beyond free spending by a baseball operations department that failed to keep the minor-league system stocked. Questionable medical moves such as last year's decision to fly Church cross-country with a concussion have become commonplace. Still, players expressed full faith in the Hospital for Special Surgery, which provides care to the organization, and instead fault how the organization has used the information it is provided (...)

A source with ties to the Mets indicated that Beltran is extremely upset that he played for a month with a bone bruise after receiving a cortisone shot. The bone bruise ultimately doubled in size because of a lack of adequate rest, according to the center fielder. Scott Boras eventually had Beltran get a second opinion from doctor Richard Steadman at the Vail, Colo., clinic that performed Alex Rodriguez's hip surgery.

Putz, who ultimately underwent surgery last month to remove a bone spur from his right elbow, had been told by team doctor David Altchek weeks earlier that he needed to immediately have the spur removed, a team source said. Instead, the Mets advocated a cortisone shot. Putz went 0-2 with a blown save and 7.71 ERA in 10 subsequent appearances before needing the procedure anyway. (...)

The Mets have had a curious track record of pushing players too hard. Billy Wagner was furious at Mets VP Tony Bernazard for insinuating that Wagner was dogging it when he complained of discomfort after throwing a simulated game in Pittsburgh last August. Weeks later, Wagner was undergoing Tommy John elbow surgery.

What the whole Rubin piece shows us is that nothing is in a vacuum. The Mets have boxed themselves into a corner to the point where they know full well that there's nothing in the minor league system, so in a twisted way it makes sense that Tony Bernazard is going to recommend cortisone shots and go against the wishes of the hospital ... anything to keep the baseball public from knowing how bare the cupboard actually is. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain ... it's Argenis Reyes!

It all fits. The signings are cheap because there's no money because of Bernie Madoff. And the major league talent are getting cortisone shots because there's nothing in the minor leagues except more of the low salaried, old man "talent" that are merely existing in Buffalo. Like pieces of a bloody jigsaw puzzle.

But you already knew all of the above. The big question is to ask what it all means for the future. The first option seems to be the most likely option as reported by most, and that's the return of Omar and Snoop for 2010. At best, the injuries are more of a factor than we all thought and 2010 will be the "our season has come" year. At worst, the realization that Minaya & Manuel are not the men for their respective jobs will come at the expense of one more season than necessary.

The second option is scary. That option sees Minaya and Manuel fired in favor of Bernazard and Manny Acta. I don't know Tony Bernazard, but everything I read about him tells me that I shouldn't trust him as far as I could physically, or even mentally, throw him. I've dealt with people who are sneaky, and that man is sneaky. And while Acta isn't necessarily a bad hire, if Bernazard he does hire Manny Acta, it only proves that he's more concerned with hooking up a friend and a favorite of his than hiring the best man for the job. If Bernazard paid more attention to his job than worrying about who's employed at other positions, maybe the organization would be in better shape than it's in.

The third option is: none of the above. Maybe the team thinks outside the box and brings a fresh approach to an organization that needs one. But would it matter? Would the Wilpons be in a position to spend money? Forget Bernie Madoff for a second, and think back to where the organization was before Omar Minaya, where the team was presenting half-ass offers to Vladimir Guerrero to save face before presenting us with the pizza twins (Karim Garcia and Shane Spencer) to play right field. Then Minaya came. And then came Pedro Martinez. And he made possible the signing of Beltran, which led to the trade for Delgado and the trade for and signing of Johan Santana. (I don't count Frankie's signing ... they swooped in to get what they needed in the midst of a bad economy. And I'm convinced that if the economy was strong, Frankie is still an Angel today.)

But what now? And what of the winter of '09-'10? While nobody will be asking for another big fish (and apparently there's not much out there), the Mets are going to need some solid pieces to support the Big 5 ... especially if they're planning to continue the Daniel Murphy Experiment at first base. But are the Wilpons going to continue to hide behind the Madoff losses? Are they going to use the excuse of injuries to say "well, we don't really need much because Reyes and Beltran will be back?"

And scarier still, are the Wilpons going to stop spending the way they did with Pedro and Beltran all together because now they have their shiny new ballpark? Will they continue to give us retreads like Freddy Garcia thinking that fans will continually flock to Citi Field for succulent cheeseburgers and mediocre baseball?

This offseason, which unfortunately I'm already thinking about, will answer all those questions. Those answers had better be the right ones.

And it would probably be better for all of us if those answers didn't include Jose Valentin batting sixth.

Embarrassment Of Riches

Obviously, the mere thought of Julio Lugo joining the Mets spurred the Mets to play some of their best baseball of the year in their 5-1 win over the Atlanta Braves. I'm sure that Johan Santana, who was legitimately brilliant, did what he could to block out all of the exciting speculation, but who could blame the rest of the team if they let the excitement get to their heads?

Heck, even Snoop Manuel pulled out all the stops in an attempt to convince Lugo that New York is the place to be by pulling off a suicide squeeze in the ninth inning so out of nowhere, that if I ever get seriously famous and they give tours of my apartment, one of the things that the tour guide will point out the spot on the floor where my head hit after I fainted.

But how can you not be excited ... First, Angel Berroa. And now maybe Julio Lugo??? I can hardly contain my excitement. I feel like a dog getting extra table scraps after dinner!!! Maybe Lugo can play left field now that Gary Sheffield's "cramps" have now officially turned into a "tweaked hamstring". (You know what ... if you're going to jerk us around like we're all complete idiots, then here's a plan: just do what the NHL does and call it a "lower body injury", and we'll all go away. It'll be one less thing for me to complain about so I can go have an adult beverage and go about my merry way. Maybe Snoop wasn't far off when he said that surgery was on Thursday.)

One player noticed swelling in the other’s knee and asked why he wasn’t getting it treated. “They don’t want to hear about it,” the injured player replied, according to a source.

What an organization.

Of course there's a flip side to that excitement, and that's the impending release of Tim Redding to make room for Lugo, the newest Mets savior. Redding now gets to skulk around the locker room waiting for the executioner to show up while teammates are apparently going through great lengths to avoid him. Yeah, that's a healthy atmosphere.

But take heart, Tim. Because you could be released a hundred times over, give up 10,000 runs to the Dodgers, and you still will never be mistaken for Mike Hampton after the stunt he pulled on Saturday. Way to go Mike. Next time maybe you shouldn't daydream about demanding a trade and pulling your children out of another excellent school system because you can't pitch.

(Editor's note: You hard core old-timers know that Hampton's goof almost happened to the Mets. Think back to Roger McDowell in 1987 trying to pound the ball into his glove, and coming within inches of putting the ball into left field and letting not only a run score, but if my aging memory serves me correctly, the tying run. I had the pleasure of being present at that game. I remember when that was one of the biggest goofball moments the Mets have ever had. Now? Sigh. You know, come to think of it, I'm surprised that hasn't happened to a Met pitcher this season. I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to say that "even the Mets can't top that one", because there's plenty of time left in the season for the Mets to do it so I'm sure they'll dream something up. But take heart, Tim Redding. Because at the very least, that's a fate that will most assuredly not befall you.)

The Long Walk Home

Did you see the long depressing limp that Gary Sheffield took off the field after experiencing right hamstring "cramps" (forgive me if I'm skeptical of medical reports) on Friday?

Seemed eerily like how the rest of this season's going to go, didn't it? A long, slow limp to the finish line, with a couple of moments where you think you're going to collapse in a heap of body parts, as Sheffield almost did at least once.

If you didn't see it, find a replay and see for yourself. Sheffield eschewed the cart so that he can walk off the field under his own power, except that it took the better part of an hour. If that's how the Mets season is going to go for you, you might want to just take the cart ... and go to the beach.

Until November.

And remember, surgery's on Thursday.

"Let's go out and beat the Mets ... just like old times." -Greg Maddux before the game, and after his number 31 was retired

Oh, excuse me Greg ... I didn't know that 2008 counted as "the old days". Hell, Maddux could have put on a uniform and did it himself. Two hits, 11-0 ... wow.

Second Verse, Same As The First?

For those who didn't see the 4,927 commercials on SNY, Thursday night's return from the All-Star break was "Mets at the Movies" where you could have watched the game against the Braves at three different locations with three different big screens. And you couldn't have picked a better game for a screenwriter, what with the shunned facing the chosen yet tortured on the mound ... and the two guys traded for each other facing their former teams for the first time.

But while some of you were getting your popcorn ready, I'm glad I didn't waste my money watching this crap in a theater, because I thought the ending was too predictable. It was like Ski School 4 or Waterworld. I'll wait for the director's cut DVD release with the deleted scenes of Ryan Church flexing in a mirror and doing one armed push-ups on a rusty bar like Clubber Lang, and Snoop Manuel practicing his latest laugh for future post-game news conferences ... it's a cross between Vincent Price from Thriller and DeNiro from Cape Fear.

Funny that as we're looking for new members for our "Hall of Hate" (have you voted yet), sometimes there's nothing like a classic. And when you're talking about the original team of the damned, Larry Jones might be wearing the "C". He showed why ... again.

And it didn't take long for the Phillies to gain another game on the Mets, which would make them a Harry Potter movie to our King Ralph.

Free Flowing All Star Hostility

I would have thrown a brick through my television after the American League's latest All-Star victory ... but I had already thrown the brick through the T.V. when I was watching a replay of the 1995 game earlier today, and Robby Alomar pinch ran for Carlos Baerga.

Oh, and a second brick finished the job when I realized that in 1995, Jose Offerman was an All-Star.

I don't know what's worse. Jose Offerman appearing in an All-Star game, or Angel Hernandez getting to umpire in one. What, was a hallucinating squirrel not available?

And count me as the millionth person who has complained about this, but how can we have a dedicated camera to get a shot inside the nostrils of some actor from Fringe, but no camera available to show us if the President of the United States threw a strike on the ceremonial first pitch???

Or was that camera sent to stake out Brett Favre's workout for the Vikings? Please, FOX, get out of the baseball business and stick to your little Dow Jones reality show where you mix stock tips and beer. ("Buy Apple! Hiccup ...")

Now it's all good, because all Tuesday means is that the Phillies aren't going to have home field advantage in Game 7 when they win the World Series in five games and drive me over the edge for good. But seriously, that starting lineup the N.L. put out there outside of David Wright must have been put together by Satan himself ... Hanley Ramirez? Chase Utley? Albert Pujols? Raul Ibanez? Shane Victorino? Yadier Freakin' Molina? All on one lineup? Whoopie!!!

Man ... if Larry Jones had started instead of Wright I would have had a drink with those Happy Hour guys to commemorate it. (Get me a vodka stinger with a Clorox back, and step on it!)

The Sun Goes Down Alone

Out on the road today,

I saw a Phillies jersey on Pedro's back.

A little voice inside my head said

"Don't look back, you can never look back."

I thought I knew what love was.

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever.

I should just let 'em go, but ...

It's The Fifth Annual Hall of Hate Vote!

So it's the All-Star Break ... no Mets baseball until Thursday (although, if you're a Met fan, you haven't really seen baseball since May, so what does it matter to you?) But that doesn't mean that baseball can't fill your lives. First, you had Monday night's glorified batting practice/swing destroyer known as the Home Run Derby. And then tonight, you have the All-Star Game from St. Louis.

But in between, why don't you flex your frustration muscles and vote in our fifth annual Hall of Hate Elections.

Here's the standard background material for the uninitiated and those who haven't been here long (which doubles as a form letter since I pretty much cut and pasted this from last season's vote):

Soon after starting this blog, I created a daily hate list...five people, places, or things that put a bee in my bonnet for that particular calendar day. Mostly baseball players, but many times I would go off the board. From there, due to overwhelming positive response, it evolved into a more permanent and lasting "Hall of Hate", of which the original 25 members were chosen by me, here. It was meant to be a list that encompassed the biggest "enemies" in Mets history, the ones who the mere mention of their names makes one want to drink a bottle of ipecac just so you can puke all over your dog.

Not being enough to satiate the appetite of you, the hating fan, I opened balloting up for additional members, and so far you have voted in five candidates (most of them deserving) in 2005, and then to three more in 2006 to join the original 25, along with two more in 2007, and Tom Glavine in 2008. The balloting would usually coincide with whatever vacation time I was taking, but this season I decided to make it my very own All-Star festivity (and you don't even have to pay a couple hundred bucks to get in unlike the Home Run Derby.)

Here's the deal, you get one vote per computer. Amongst the list, you can vote for multiple candidates ... anyone you feel deserve induction (so you can check off as many boxes you want, but you can only click "vote" once). You have until 11:59PM on Thursday, July 23rd to cast your vote. Just as the case last season, only the top vote-getter gains induction into the Hall of Hate, so fill out your ballot with the utmost of care.

Here now are your candidates for the Hall of Hate:

Pete Rose: Picked a fight with a man half his size because his team was getting it's Big Red Tails kicked in during the 1973 NLCS. Received 63 votes in 2008 and was a distant sixth in the voting.

John Thomson: A recent nominee for his recent trashing of Paul Lo Duca as a reason for not signing with the Mets. Also, pitched like a wet dishrag in his prior stint for the Mets in 2002. Thomson dropped 54 votes in 2007 to just 22 last year.

Jimmy Rollins: His debut on the Hall of Hate ballot, basically for bragging about his team ... and then backing it up. Rollins proclaimed his team "the team to beat", and then getting key hit after key hit to knock the Mets out of the playoffs. Rollins' appearance on the ballot is partly hate, but partly a respect thing. Rollins finished in second place last season with 165 votes, just 12 away from the "winner", Tom Glavine.

Brett Myers: Hates the Mets, hits his wife. Myers' appearance on the ballot is not out of respect, but true hate. Myers finished fifth last season with 129 votes.

Jeff Torborg: Managed the 1993 Mets, who exposed him as a managing fraud. (Also managed the 2003 World Champion Marlins, but only during the beginning of that season when they stunk.) Received 55 votes and was eighth in 2007's voting, dropped to tenth with 24 votes last season.

Guillermo Mota: Was on the list in the past for transgressions against Mike Piazza. After shaking off Paul Lo Duca en route to giving up a series-changing double to Scott Spiezio, getting busted for a banned substance, and for basically dubbing 2007 as his own personal year of suck, he remains on the ballot after finishing a strong third in the voting in 2008 with 162 votes.

Mel Rojas: Was traded to the Mets as part of the Turk Wendell deal. The reason it's called the Turk Wendell deal is because Rojas was about as useful as a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Rojas gave up a home run to Paul O'Neill in 1997 that finally landed in 2002. Rojas' greatest transgression was his final act as a Met, which was bringing back Bobby Bonilla in a trade. Rojas finished seventh with 46 votes in '08.

Cole Hamels: Started off by lecturing Paul Lo Duca on how to celebrate home runs after about ten minutes in the league ... but makes the list with his "choke artists" rant over this past winter on WFAN. First time nominee.

Joe Torre: From "Clueless Joe" as a Met, to a hall of famer (and Roger Clemens apologist) as a Yankee. And now gets ready to stick it to the Mets with the help of Manny Ramirez as a Dodger. Dropped from fifth in 2007 with 77 votes to ninth with 33 votes in 2008.

Richie Hebner: Wanted no part of the Mets, and played like it at third base. He set the standard for giving baseball fans the finger during his only season in New York. Hebner has been dropping like a stone in the voting, going from 65 to 34 to 20 votes over the past three seasons. Remains on the list because, well ... he deserves it.

Eddie Murray: The first baseman of the worst team money could buy, the 1993 Mets. Is it really a compliment when you're the leader of misfits? In a weird statistical quirk, Murray has finished in 11th place for three straight seasons.

Tony Fernandez: Was successful at every major league stop he made, except Shea Stadium, where he had maybe three hits in half a season, and blamed gallstones. Tony received 18 votes in 2007 and finished last in the voting, but avoided last place in '08 with 22 votes.

Albert Pujols: Made the ballot in 2007 not-so-subtle digging into Tom Glavine after Game 1 of the NLCS, combined with being on the trainers table receiving "treatment" during the ninth inning of the 2007 All-Star Game, possibly costing the Mets a shot at home field advantage in the '07 World Series. Pujols was 4th in 2007's voting with 104 votes, but dropped all the way to eighth with 39 votes last season.

Shane Victorino: General pain in the ass, has shared Brett Myers' disdain for the Mets in the past while taunting the Mets by standing on home plate after scoring and clapping in the general direction of the Mets dugout ... yet somehow escapes criticism from the national baseball media because he's a "gamer" and because he's not Jose Reyes. Victorino was fourth in 2008 with 156 votes.

And as always, you may write in a vote here in the comments section. If someone gets enough write-in votes, then yes, I'll put him in (unless it's an obvious attempt by a rogue group of Yankee fans that want to experiment and see if they can get somebody like Tom Seaver or Gary Carter on the list just by creating computer systems that will write the same name hundreds of times. So don't even bother, because I hold final veto rights). And in terms of write-ins, if you write in a vote please make it easy for this old man and put the name in bold or something like that. (But please, before you come out with a comment like "Where's Bobby Bonilla" or "What about Chipper Jones", please refer to the original induction list along with the additions via fan balloting below).

Your Hall of Hate members:

Mike Scioscia-Charter Member
Jeff Kent-Charter Member
Robby Alomar-Charter Member
Rey Ordonez-Charter Member
Larry Jones-Charter Member
Bobby Bonilla-Charter Member
Vince Coleman-Charter Member
Ken Griffey Jr.-Charter Member
Roger Clemens-Charter Member
Mike Hampton-Charter Member
Mike Scott-Charter Member
John Tudor-Charter Member
David Wells-Charter Member
Armando Benitez-Charter Member
John Rocker-Charter Member
Donne Wall-Charter Member
Mike Stanton-Charter Member
Mike DeJean-Charter Member
Brian Jordan-Charter Member
Eddie Perez-Charter Member
Pat Burrell-Charter Member
Terry Pendleton-Charter Member
Jose Vizciano-Charter Member
Pedro Guerrero-Charter Member
Juan Gonzalez-Charter Member
Whitey Herzog-Charter Member
Art Howe-Charter Member
Dallas Green-Charter Member
Al Harazin-Charter Member
The 1993 Home Uniforms-Charter Member
Kenny Rogers-Voted in 2005
Derek Jeter-Voted in 2005
Mo Vaughn-Voted in 2005
Joe Randa-Voted in 2005
M. Donald Grant-Voted in 2005
Mike Francesa- Voted in 2006
Jim Duquette- Voted in 2006
Steve Phillips- Voted in 2006
Dick Young- Voted in 2007
Braden Looper- Voted in 2007
Tom Glavine- Voted in 2008

You have the power to decide who joins them. The candidates are already putting their campaigns together:

Center Field Diva

Frenchy Is Peachy, But ...

Mike Bordick also started his Mets career well.

I was getting into the whole Jeff Francoeur thing too ... "Hey, two for four! Two RBI's! Look like line drives in the box score! Frenchy's always smiling! Maybe I was wrong!" Then I was reminded of Mike Bordick hitting a home run on the first pitch he ever saw as a Met before he fell off the face of the planet.

So not only was the liquid in my half full glass emptied on to the floor, the glass was smashed to the floor, and I was made to lick the mess up with my tongue before being made to watch Donne Wall's career highlights on DVD. (Luckily, that last part only took 36 seconds. But it was painful nonetheless.)

But Frenchy did have a good debut. I'll give him that.

Advice For The Newbie

"Make the most of it, if you play hard, hustle, and do things right, and not give up seven runs in a third of an inning on the last day of the season to the Florida Marlins while you're tied with the Phillies in the standings, the fans will love you." -Tom Glavine, to Jeff Francoeur

Okay, so only most of Glavine's quote is true.

He never actually said "hustle".

Frenchy Flag

We can deduct two things about this Church for Francoeur trade:

The first thing we know now is that the white flag has been raised on the 2009 season. Because for an offense that has just been shut out for the third time this week, the remedy for that most certainly is not to trade a .280/.332/.375/.707 hitter for a .250/.282/.352/.634 hitter. Screw sabermetrics, this one is basic math.

And we also now know that at some point during this 2009 season, the Mets will be no-hit.

Yes, I believe this is an awful trade. But I really want to try to take more of a pragmatic, even handed view with this. For example, at first sight I went and blasted the Carlos Delgado trade, and blasted the original Ryan Church trade. I've since bought merchandise featuring both players. So I have to be just a little careful.

We all knew a Church trade was inevitable. Honestly, I thought that Church might have weathered the trade winds since he got this far, but the trade doesn't surprise me apart from the destination. But I can't get over the fact that Church has just been so mismanaged in his entire time here that it's a shame how the Mets completely wasted him. From the concussion misdiagnosis to being benched after starting the season on a hot streak to get Gary Sheffield at-bats, to putting him in center field for no real good reason except maybe to showcase his invented versatility for the Braves. And you know with a manager that doesn't hate him and will play him, there's no reason to think that Church isn't going to finally find a groove ... just in time for when the Mets are in Turner Field to face the Braves after the break.

"Shocker. Came out of nowhere. The good thing is I get to play these guys next week. They're going to have to change up a lot of signs. I know everything," Church said. "I'll definitely fill them in." -Ryan Church, after sending a text to Larry Jones and officially joining forces with the enemy

Signs? You need baserunners for signs to matter, and the Mets can't spell "baserunner". Get ready for Church to go 19-for-21 next week with five HR's.

As for Frenchy, he was in a very similar situation as Church was ... at odds with the manager and GM before getting his wish and being traded. And the rift between Francoeur and Braves management must have been wider than the gulf between Church and Snoop. To get the Braves to not only trade a former big-time prospect within the division, but an Atlanta native to the Mets is really something. Finally, a river wide enough.

Francoeur, just like Church, will come to a team that appreciates him (for now), and will play him constantly. That might not be a good thing. The Mets hope that the change of scenery will help Frenchy (and we saw how well that worked for Wade Redden), but it might be a case where the mind is willing but the batting eye is just too anxious. I think he will be just as motivated as Church will be to stick it to his former team, but for Francoeur to be successful his whole approach has to be revamped. And it's a little too late in the season to expect that 80 pitches in 80 seconds drill to do any good this year. So guess what: Francoeur is going to be a horror show this season.

The hope is for next season and beyond. And that's a hope against hope. The one thing I can say is that at least ... at least this could be a sign that the Mets are thinking about fielding a younger, more athletic team in the foreseeable future instead of rummaging through the bargain bin at Target looking for used tubes of toothpaste and impressing people by actually getting toothpaste out of them. But think about it this way: If they managed to mismanage a veteran like Church, how do you think they're going to turn a young Jeff Francoeur into the feared middle of the order hitter he was destined to be not long ago? Do you really have confidence that this is going to happen?

Bottom line: It didn't have to come to this. Even if 2009 is a wash, Church could have been a piece of the puzzle in 2010 and 2011 when everyone was healthy again. But because of Snoop's puzzling disinterest in him and because of all of the other stuff that Church had to go through with the concussions and what not, he was bound to be traded. Frenchy, who Buster Olney thought was a candidate to be non-tendered at the end of the season (seriously ... even Olney was flustered when the news broke of the trade ... that's how bizarre it is) had better find himself before 2011 when he becomes a free agent, and the Mets had better find a way to make sure he becomes the ballplayer he has the potential to be. This means not benching him in favor of Fernando Tatis after Francoeur gets three hits the night before. Or else there will be plenty of blame to be thrown around for 18 months of Ryan Church's baseball life (and our collective baseball watching lives) wasted by people with a hidden agenda.

And apropos of nothing, but fitting nonetheless, don't you find it ironic that Church's last official act as a Met is to join his new team by flying to Denver?

P.S. The Mets lost. Bronson Arroyo strikes again. Angel Pagan isn't the savior that the nation so desperately cries out for. Just another day in Flushing.

Mets Seperate Church From State ... Of New York

Ryan Church is gone to Atlanta, Jeff Francoeur is a Met. Instead of jumping the gun and ranting, I take a few deep breaths. Then I'll probably rant.

Conducting a Symphony of Kazoos

So why did Daniel Murphy sit in favor of Fernando Tatis?

"I want to get guys in a rhythm." -Jerry Manuel

He's not a manager, and he's not a gangsta. He's a bandleader now. By choosing to bench Murphy after a good start on Wednesday, he's got us all scratching our heads as to what exactly you have to do to stay in a major league lineup. Yup, it's spring training in July as Snoop continues to force feed Tatis to the world to "get him into a rhythm", as if making sure that Tatis can count in 4/4 time is a component to winning baseball.

Ladies and gentlemen, your manager: Ricky Ricardo.

"Oh Daaaaanieeeeeel, you're on the beeeeeeeench!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Babaloo, baby.

It doesn't matter so much in the prism of tonight's game, as with Livan Hernandez's start tonight the 1927 Yankees only would have won 33 games (they won 109). But all the more reason to say: what does it matter? Let's reward our young player for getting himself a couple of hits and stealing a nut from a squirrel with that defensive play. What about getting Daniel Murphy in a rhythm? Or do we only care if Fernando Tatis is in rhythm while Murphy is hid in the back of the band playing the triangle? Doesn't it serve the long term interests of the club to develop Daniel Murphy into a legitimate option at first base and not just as trade bait in some ill advised deal which will set the team back another decade?

Or will playing Fernando Tatis keep those viewers tuned to SNY and keep those ticket sales flowing?

Seriously, how is it that a team that just put their 429th position player on the disabled list today can't find a spot for Daniel Murphy in the starting lineup every day?

But speaking of SNY, there was some good news tonight as for the first time all season (or at least that I saw), I could actually clearly see who was warming up in the visiting bullpen on an SNY's broadcast.

The bad news? It was Guillermo Mota.

Oh well. As tonight was the 40th anniversary of the closest a Met has ever come to a perfect game, why don't you check out what the '69 Mets are doing now, thanks to Sports Illustrated? (Hint: Throwing up while watching Livan Hernandez ... not on the list.)

Speaking of ill-advised trades which set the team back a decade ...

For The Three Of You That Didn't See This Yet

Fly balls? Big problem.

Bringing the Harlem Globetrotters to the baseball diamond? No problem.

For all the blooper reels that Murphy has appeared in and will appear in for the rest of his life, let's hope the incredible play above evens things out a little bit.

I give up trying to figure this stupid season out.

The Symmetry of Eight-Oh

Of course, it would be 8-0.

Because the first I saw of the Mets game, the score was already 8-0. This happened mere moments after I just got finished dropping some money at Harrah's in Atlantic City.

How much money, you ask? Of course ... 80 dollars.

If you close your eyes, you can distinctly make out the laughter of each individual baseball god, as they just keep throwing the fun little coincidences at me. Not enough I'm in Atlantic City ... Phillie country ... losing money and seeing more Phillies shirts and hats than I've seen in every other visit I've ever taken here combined, but this morning I wake up, flip on SportsCenter, and find myself right smack in the middle of the "Top Ten Mets F**k-Ups Of The Season" (I don't think they actually called it that.) How do you know you've had a bad season? You have enough boners for a Top Ten of the Season list all by yourself, it's only July, and Ryan Church missing third base before scoring the winning run isn't even on the list!

You know how else you know things are bad? When Manny Ramirez gets ejected from the game in the fifth inning for treating his elbow pad like a hand grenade ... and he still goes 2-for-4 with three RBI!!!

And the news doesn't get any better, as Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran are nowhere near returning, while Oliver Perez returns Wednesday to either set fire to what's remaining of his career, or pitch the best game in his life in a 1-0 Mets loss.

But just when you think your life stinks, think of the 12-year-old youth travel team in Brooklyn who showed up to the field for their scheduled game to find out all the bases were stolen and the pitching rubber was ripped out of the ground, forcing the game to be cancelled.

Perhaps similar acts of thievery are the Mets' last hope.

Unplugged

Take a look. Take a good look. This is who you lost to.

A light socket.

So let's review, the Mets lost this weekend to a pitcher who hadn't been in the majors since 2007, a 46-year-old man, and a man who once dressed as a light socket. And not just lost to them, got taken to school by them.

Forty years ago, the Mets beat the likes of Dave McNally, Jim Palmer, and Mike Cuellar in the World Series. Forty years later, the Mets can't touch Rodrigo Lopez, Jamie Moyer, and Joe Blanton. Your predecessors must be proud. I know I am.

But what do you expect when your best chance at runs is getting excited when Fernando 6-4-Tatis is batting against Chan Ho Park with a runner on base because he hit two grand slams against Park in an inning over a hundred years ago. The Mets, at this juncture, have a better chance of getting runs from a Jerry Lewis telethon than from this current roster.

Look Out, It's Skylab!

Fans who think the sky is falling can take heart: David Wright obviously agrees.

Either that, or Alex Cora thought there were pieces of Skylab still floating around in space and wanted to warn his teammate. We're really not sure.

We're not sure of anything anymore, after the Mets showed us more comedic flair in Philadelphia as they lost again to the Phillies by a score of 4-1, thanks in part to two blown foul pops which directly led to the fourth run.

But even though the Mets are acting like a slot machine on the old strip in Vegas and paying out more than the 27 outs you get at those slots at Bellagio, and even though they're doing this at the worst possible time against good teams like the Yankees and Phillies (I think I've acquired an STD just typing that last sentence), don't you worry. Because look who's riding in on his horse on Wednesday to save the day:

Oh boy ... we're screwed.

Moratorium On Optimism

This is what I get for being "uncharacteristically optimistic". I get six innings of shutout ball from Rodrigo Lopez, who's been riding buses and eating Krystal's for two years. Oh, and I get Livan Hernandez giving up seven runs in Philadelphia while wearing a red hat.

"Yeah, let's have the Mets wear the red hats while they're in Philadelphia, I don't see a problem with that."-Bud Selig ... maybe

See? I try to let loose a ray of sunshine, I get a 7-2 loss in red hats. It's my fault. No more optimism. We're done. We're not winning another game until the all-star break. And Fernando Nieve's getting lit up on national television tomorrow like a roman candle.

(Knowing full well how Fernando Nieve pitched the last time I implied he was going to get lit up during a FOX telecast. See how this works? Roman candle? Fourth of July? Ah, forget it.)

There's Some Grit In Them Furry Beasts

As if going to Pittsburgh for a one game rainout makeup isn't exciting enough, the Mets were also able to catch the phenomenon known as Anthrocon 2009, a convention where people can dress like animals. Boy, it was the club's lucky day ... let alone Kevin Burkhardt's lucky day.

This has to be the reason that Tim Redding has such an awful start today ... apparently, Redding's goatee was a keynote speaker at the event. Who knew?

But in this period of time where we're all kinda waiting for the bottom to drop out, we might be seeing the beginnings of evidence that maybe nobody should be throwing in the towel on this team just yet. Down 5-0 to the Pirates' best starter on a one-game stopover (akin to spending seven hours at Atlanta International) would have been an easy game to throw in the towel on. But not only did the Mets actually string some hits together to get some runners on base, they strung some more hits together to actually drive those runs in! Eight of them!!!

And believe it or not, at 8-5 ... even at 8-6, I didn't have that nagging feeling of doom that I usually have with this franchise. Honestly. I honestly thought there was no way that doom can befall them again. Law of averages, right?

Wrong!

Because it was then that Frankie came in with a two run lead in the ninth, and two batters later the freakin' game was tied. And not only tied, but tied by Adam "Carlos Beltran is a no-good classless goon who doesn't make enough plays to win baseball games" La Roche. If you thought I tore the house apart, not to worry. I just laughed.

However my cat, on the opening of the Furry Beast Convention, was quite pissed. So pissed in fact, that she briefly joined the Pittsburgh faithful in their heckling of Frankie.


Can you blame her? She's been through so much ... to have a blown save on a day dedicated to animal fur was just too much for her cat-like patience to take. She snapped, as I'm sure most of you did. But alas, more grit to come as Fernando Tatis was hit with a pitch to top off a big day for him, and Ryan Church drove him in to help seal the deal. And even Frankie came back to have a big tenth inning after coming within about a foot of losing the game completely in the ninth on a two-out line drive. Yes, the "resiliency" and the "grit" has been there more this season than in the last two ... but no more so than Thursday.

Unfortunately, this game probably means the Mets will be without Rodriguez's services on Friday against the Phillies. But speaking of the Phillies, I'm going to keep gettin' positive on you: Not that the Mets' three starters are any guarantees (Livan Hernandez, Fernando Nieve, and even Johan Santana isn't a guarantee these days), the Mets are facing Rodrigo Lopez (yes, Rodrigo Lopez), Jaime Moyer (who the Mets have hit this year), and Joe Blanton (who's improved lately in the way that you can improve from dog meat to merely beatable). The series is winnable, boys and girls. I know the Mets have made some struggling pitchers look like Bob Gibson, but Lopez hasn't pitched in the majors in two years. The Mets absolutely can't welcome him back to the majors by making him into a stud. And the other two pitchers aren't lights out by any means. So two out of three is not impossible (or, if you're not into double negatives, possible), especially if Tatis has indeed found his stroke and lost his looping swing.

Come On Get Happy

So it's everyone on the bus ... team unity and such. But hey, it worked. So who am I to argue? At last check, the Mets bus made a stop along I-90 so that winning pitcher Mike Pelfrey could solve a groovy mystery on the way to Pittsburgh. Here's hoping nobody gets thrown under it before the all-star break. Kumbaya!